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Not A Caregiver Now ... Who Am I?

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I lost my Mom on September 15 this year, after our 3-year fight with Alzheimer's disease. I am dealing with the post-AD, post-death consequences. I had a paid caregiver with Mom while I was at work, and took over from 4 p.m. until next morning, then all weekend, holidays. I am completely lost. Not only do I not have my beloved Mom with me any longer, but I am having trouble letting go, I guess. Work is about to fire me because my at-work presence is less than present. And now that I am not an almost-full-time caregiver and daughter, I don't know who I am any longer. Help?

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Unfortunately, I am in the "no mom no dad" club too. I wish I could offer you some great advice - or any advice at all - but, I feel lost too. All I can say to you, Micah, is that you are not alone. We feel the same way. I will keep asking the Lord and my parents to help me (and all of us) through this horrible time.

Hugs to you and always.


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Your forum title really got my attention. My Mother passed away in June of this year. I had lost my job in May and moved her into our house in January. I was her full-time caregiver. It really gave me a sense of purpose. It was so hard, but at the same time it was sort of satisfying. I felt like I was able to repay her for the years she took care of me as a child. When she passed away felt lost and unfullfilled. I, like you, really didn't and still don't know who I am. I have a husband and 2 kids but caring for them isn't at all the same.

I totally understand how you feel. The only thing that seems to help me is just staying busy. I try to have things and projects going to keep me busy.

I pray you find peace and fullfullment.

fondly, Charlotte

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Thanks to all who posted. I'm sure there are many of us adrift afterward. It's just to find out where we are now meant to be. I can't think any of us have gone through what we have gone through, caring so much and so well, and then our experience and skills are just no longer needed? The ordinary things - family, jobs, the rest of our lives -just don't call us the way we were called upon before, do they? There is such a need for care-giving everywhere - but is age a factor? Is it too late (at my age of 62) to go back to school to get the credentials to be hired/accepted as a caregiver? It doesn't seem to go just on experience alone.

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Micah, dear ~ There is definitely a need for the skills you've acquired as a caregiver, and I don't think your age would be a factor. If you're seriously interested in pursuing caregiving as a career, you may find these articles and Web sites of interest:

Article, Embracing Caregiving As a Career

Article, Caregiving Offers Fulfilling Career for Older Workers

Web Site, Caregiving As a Career

Web Site, Caregiving Career Center

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Marty, thank you for the info. I have checked out the articles and am encouraged by them. My secretarial job (after 11 years in the same job) pays well but drains every ounce of energy from me at the same time. The time I spent caring for my mother was draining, too, but was way more necessary and gave me back so much more emotionally. I'm sure others have found that, too. Financially, I need to keep on working, and the rate of pay for caregivers, and the need to scramble for enough paid hours to earn a living - doesn't support the importance of caregiving as a career. Why isn't caregiving given the respect of an adequate level of pay?

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Dear Micah,

It is true, the most important jobs are usually the less valued in this sad world.

I do not think 62 years is too old. I think with your wisdom, experience and love,

you should make it happen. The world will be a better place for it.

You may have less money, and some insecurity at first, but I believe you will be so

much more at peace with your life. All that happened to you with your dear mom, maybe

occurred for you to see the true calling for your life. (?)

You could start volunteering, and see how and where that takes you.

I do not really know, but you know, so listen to your heart.

I wish you all the best,


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Hi Micah,

I think if you love being a caregiver and feel fullfilled doing so, the money is the bonus. A true gift is finding our "gift" in life and being able to do it as a profession. So many people are working at jobs that are meaningless and frustrating.

I think you should follow your feelings as far as you can.

Best of luck to you!



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