There Just Wasn't Time...........

[wmjsca]

All I ever see is empathy for the widow, child, parent, pet owner....the unmarried partner doesn't appear worthy of grieving. Very few references include partners (I'm so relieved this forum is different). Don't people realize that many marrieds lived together first? What would have happened had THEIR partners died before the marriage took place? Would that have made the loss any less worthy of recognition? Don't people realize that we just ran out of time? No one expects death before the marriage can take place. For those who waited for marriage to live together, this would not apply, but a good majority fit the bill. This hypocrisy only makes his death more traumatic.

[Lindakay]

They should be respected. I lived with my love for 8 mo before I married him. We were married 33 years before he died. I think the awkwardness happens when they die because you will not be part of their family and may move on to someone else in your life. If you have kids together they would consider you as part of their family by proxy. I'm not saying this is right. I adopted my hubby's little sister as if she is my sister. My sister in law divorced my half brother and I kept her as a sister and best friend. I got those two together and they are like sisters now. I had moved up to NC from Fla. I'm not jealous, I'm happy and they include me as their family too.There are others here that have the same problem. LindaKay

[kayc]

When other people are lacking in giving what you are due, give it to yourself, that's what I've learned to do. It may not be forthcoming from where it should, but you can know in your heart that you were the most important thing in his life and he esteemed you above all others and thumb your nose at anyone else who doesn't see it that way!

There isn't empathy for the wife whose husband left them for another woman either. Or for the woman whose fiance dumped her. Sometimes our society just doesn't know how to respond...they think it's not a big deal or you should be over it but that's not how it works. It's not always the piece of paper that determines how badly your heart is breaking...it's the relationship itself and that's something others can't always see or understand.

[Korina]

Scott and I lived together for 10 years before getting married. We were just as committed then as we were after marriage. A piece of paper is not your heart.

Korina

[LostmyHoney]

My Honey and I did not marry because of financial reasons, his medical cost were high and with his income being limited Duke hospital, docotrs, and labs had givin him a hardship charity wich covered 100% after medicare. Just 1 week prior to his death he had been released from the hospital yet again, and this time he was ready to get married, he was home for 3 days stuggling. On the third day (Sunday night) he called the ambulance and had them take him to the hospital thinking he would return to me 1 more time, but he did not. Like you we just ran out of time...

This site was a God send for me as I had all but locked myself into our little apartment (when I wasn't working) and proceeded to try and find some solace, or conection online in the 3d live pool game where he and I met, his online obiturary in the guest book coments, facebook and other sorted games and searches. Though they were a nice distraction it just wasn;t what I was looking for. This site has helped me a great deal !!!

However I was fortunate in the fact that my Honey's sisters saw that he was happy with me, something they had never seen in him, and had feared they never would.

Rachel

[sunstreet]

I hear your pain and understand it so well. I am sorry that society, has such a hard heart in some areas and that it is hard for you to find or see resources that talk about your pain. I validate your pain and the love you shared. You are more than worthy to feel and grieve your loss. I agree the lack of societies ability to acknowledge your pain does make your loss more traumatic and complicated to grieve. I know because I have experienced it too. You are not alone. My reasons for experiencing it are different than yours but how it complicates our healing is the same. Thank you for sharing.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann