4 Years Later...

[Mrcelloboy]

I lost my fiancee and partner of 10 years, Kathy, on 11/10/2006.

I married again on 12/7/2009. Melanie is a wonderful gift in my life.

I still feel my loss. I still feel like I'm less present that I used to be before losing Kathy.

I find it difficult to feel inspired. I'm not as physically active as I used to be.

I remind myself that I'm lucky to have a job that I enjoy, a wife, children, pets, yet I still feel like; "So what?"

Though I love to nap I don't think I'm really depressed. I don't shy away from social events, I'll take part in physical activity that others instigate, I continue to play my cello. I just don't have much enthusiasm for any of it.

I worry a bit about what Mel and I will face in "retirement" (whenever that is). We're both 55 and neither of us has saved much. We envision working at least to 65 if not beyond, but there's only so much we'll be able to accomplish financially these next ten years.

Was it Bill Murray that said; "Call a Waaaahmbulance!"

[melina]

It's wonderful that you've been able to move on and find someone new to love, even though the scar of loss will always be with you. It's encouraging for me to hear that moving on is possible. Maybe you have a mild depression even if it doesn't feel like a depression. Sometimes mild depression will present as apathy - it's called dysthymia. Money worries are quite common - even for us in our 50s. I'm 52 and very worried about the future financially as well as emotionally and expect to have to keep working until they won't let me continue.

Melina

[sunstreet]

I am so sorry for your loss. I have more thoughts but I must go to work now. I wanted you to know I heard you. I wanted you to know I understand and I care......later.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[wmjsca]

Your post gives me hope that someday, I too could be happy again. I can't see that far ahead, however. It's only been a month and the pain is still pretty severe. I wanted to mention that when I went to my bereavement group, there were many there who had remarried, yet still grieve the loss of their previous spouse. I guess I just can't imagine beginning a relationship with anyone else while still grieving. I mean does one just compartmentalize the grief to move on, or does it exist simultaneously? I know I'm much too early in this process to consider this, just trying to comprehend.

Good luck to you and I'm happy you were able to move on.

[Mrcelloboy]

"I guess I just can't imagine beginning a relationship with anyone else while still grieving. I mean does one just compartmentalize the grief to move on, or does it exist simultaneously?"

Personally I'm a guy who has a very hard time being single. I had myself convinced that I was ready to "date" within the first year after I lost Kathy. What was really going on was that I couldn't allow myself to grieve without the support of a partner. Once Melanie and I were together I realized I still had some serious grieving to do. Fortunately for both of us Melanie was able to deal with that.

As far as being happy? I still feel far rom the happiness I know before my loss, but I'm certainly better than I've been since then and I believe I'm still slowly improving.

[LostmyHoney]

Im sorry you have lost your enthusiasm, I hope you get it back. Befor I met my Honey I felt that way all the time. I was a lost soul just frittering away my life. I didnt get much time with him but he got me on the right track so to speak. Now that he is gone, I feel so very unsatisfied once again.

Rachel

[kayc]

Maury,

Congratulations! You're about to celebrate your 1st anniversary! I remember that Melanie was with you through so much, she's a wonderful partner. I pray it continues to get better and you get some of your zest back. Cello is my favorite...play something for me!

Kay

[sunstreet]

Mrcelloboy,

I am sorry that it has taken me this long to get back to you. It gives me hope to know that you have found someone else. I am sorry that you find it difficult to feel inspired and that you don't have the same enthusiasm that you once did. I am sorry that you are worried about your financial life.

I see it has only been just over 4 years for you. Perhaps you are still healing and integrating your loss. It will be 7 years for me on December 25th and this is the first year that I am experiencing my loss at a very deep level. As painful as it is I also know that this means more healing for me.

Thank you for your courage in sharing. I understand.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann