A Letter To My Darling Man

[Dimcl]

More than one person on this site has said that journaling has helped them, so about 3 weeks into this journey (3 weeks ago), I started a journal. It helped somewhat, but I found that I was kind of writing a report.

Tonight, I sat down with pen in hand (not on my computer) and started a letter to my darling Glenn. He was not a "talker" and if he had anything really on his mind, he'd write me a letter. So, I started this letter to him and just started telling him my news, how I was feeling, what I'm doing to try and get through this, how I'm coping. I asked him what he thought of my plans for his ashes, thanked him for advising me to spend Christmas with my parents, just whatever came into my head. I started the letter by warning him that it would likely be a long one, and it will be! I put pen down for the night after 6 legal-sized pages and I know that this is the right way for me. It's a letter TO him and it feels like he might just read it. Silly, no?

I just thought it might be something that other members might try if they haven't already. It's going to bring me much comfort, I just know it.

[wmjsca]

Hi Dimcl,

After numerous sessions with my therapist, I, too wrote a letter to Clint. However, I needed to let him know how angry I was. How angry that he refused to let me help him. That he allowed himself to suffer alone when I know he was in pain. I should have been able to share that with him. Angry that he allowed me to believe it was some menial bought of depression when it was a death sentence called 'cancer' and he kept refusing medical attention. Angry that he was always so stubborn and 'secretive' about his feelings and refused to communicate when something bothered him.

But, also I told him that I loved him more than anything and that my anger was because of that love and the need I have now to hold him and tell him things will be alright. That life is not the same without him, that the world keeps turning and no one seems to realize that my heart is broken. That his family has forgotten all about me and it's as though WE never existed. That we only had 6 short years together, but that they were the best.

The letter really helped, alot. I haven't decided whether to keep it or take it to the cemetary and read it to him. That's probably what I'll do eventually.

I do believe he'll read it. I think he was beside me as I composed it. He knew how stubborn he was and how it ticked me off! That thought just made me smile. Yes, I do believe it will help.

Thanks.

[Dusky]

Dimcle,

Writing letters to the one you have lost is wonderful therapy. I lost Jack over five years ago now and during the first 3 years I wrote over 20 letters to him. They covered many various subject matters. My experience with this process is that the pen is one of the most essential tools to a persons recovery. There is something about putting it all on paper that makes it real. In addition there is one more thing you may want to attempt. During the first few years after Jacks death there was one issue that had come up and was really bothering me. My Hospice counselor suggested that I not only write a letter to Jack about this particular problem but wait a few weeks and then write another letter - and have Jack respond to me with the answer to my letter to him. You may think that sounds crazy - but it works. Answer your letter to your loved one - write the response as if he/she is writing it to you. You will indeed feel that you are hearing from your loved one, and that they wrote the response.

I wrote my way out of grief. I hope it helps you as well. Visit my web site listed below and you will see writing can help you on this difficult journey.

[sunstreet]

Oh I am so happy for you! I started a letter by hand to Melissa, on the first anniversary of her death, and I am still writing to her. I have found this to be so helpful and healing. I am glad you have given it a try and it is also helping you with your journey. I have found the pen to be one of my strongests tools in moving through this journey.

As Dusky, I have also written responses to me as if Melissa had written them herself and strange or not I actually mailed them to myself in the beginning. For me, my writing by hand, and my painting have been my tools that have brought me the most comfort and healing.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[kayc]

5 1/2 years ago I started a "Letters to George" file on my computer. It's one document, and it keeps a running letter. When I open it, I enter the date and then start talking to him. It's not silly, it's my only way of communicating with him, and who knows, maybe he can read it or hear my heart? But then George and my relationship started out by writing to each other, so it's only natural for me to pour my heart out to him in pen. (We met through a letter to the editor I'd written and he'd responded to it...)

[abergsma]

Thank you for the suggestion...I am going to write one to my husband tonight..this is a wonderful idea!!

Allana

[Lainey]

Dimcl,

I've been writing to Lars since Christmas Eve last year. This Dec.11th was the first anniversary of his death,so I proceeded to write down all the emotions I have gone through this past year.

I feel like these letters are so theraputic.I have never done as Dusky said and written back what Lars would have but it sounds like it could work.

Lainey