Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

A Little Sign That Helped


Recommended Posts

It has been a few weeks since I have posted (busy, tired all those things). It will be my second Christmas without Scott, and I must admit it has been almost harder than last year. I think this is partly because I spend Christmas last year with Scott's family and New Year's with mine; this year, I have a homestay student through to mid-January, so I will have to wait till then to visit.

Anyhow, with all the ache in my heart that has been intensified over the last few weeks, I had an experience that has lifted my spirits. I have a wireless connection for my home laptop. Last week I was working away, but apparently lost my connection (nothing too unusual - just go in an unplug the D-Link and plug it back in). But when I looked at my connection, it appeared to be still intact (the little blue wheel was there). I clicked in and it said I still had full internet connection... Hmmm. Then I looked at the name of the connection. Here is the weird part. It was Scott's ID that he had set up when we first got wireless. I haven't used that ID since he died - I had to reinstall the whole D-Link at least twice since then, with completely new IDs and passwords. Not only that, it had Scott's ID and then my ID in brackets - SCOTT (korina) - these are not the real id names, as Scott's consisted of at least one naughty word, something he thought was extremely funny when he was setting it up. Very weird - the IT guy at work has never heard of such a thing. Anyhow, I took it as hello from my man, and it gave my spirits a definite lift.

Korina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Korina

I haven't posted for months but have been on site just about every day. No energy to write but everyone's words continue to help.

This too, is my second Christmas coming up without my husband and I feel so much worse than last year. Teary and upset every minute I'm alone.I arranged to finish work this week before Christmas because I could feel the tension buidling.

I think last year I was very numb to it all (but I still thought it was an horrendous time) but stark reality is so much worse.

The only positive is I know that I will get through it - I just want all this 'happy merry' stuff to go away quickly, or at least leave me alone. Well meaning family and friends want to include me in everything and I do participate but it comes at such a great cost to me emotionally - which they don't see

Sixteen months on and I just don't see any end in sight to this long term torture of missing him so very much. I can see that I am getting better at managing my grief but I don't feel like the pain will ever lessen.

I'm pleased you have had a little sign that makes you feel close to Scott. Those moments help.

With my best wishes to you and the baby and to all sharing this heartache...Susie Q

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Korina,

Thank you for sharing! Now that is what I call a GodWink! I am so happy for you that you felt your spirits being lifted.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Korina,

I have been wondering where you have been, I missed your posts. They were always very encouraging and helpful.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time, this time of year seems to make the pain more intense. This is my second holiday season without Lars. My bereavement group had a video on how to survive the holidays and it has been very helpful in helping me cope.

I think it's wonderful hat Scott is sending you messages.Keep them close!

Lainey

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Korina,

This is also my second Christmas without Pat and I think I am having a harder time this year than last. It might be like Susie Q has said that the numbness has worn off and that the true reality of our loss is much worse.

I am so happy that you have gotten a sign from Scott. What a wonderful Christmas present, I am so happy for you. Those little signs help so much.

Wishing you and Kailyn a wonderful holiday.

Take care, Kat

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That is odd, but I'm glad you got to have a little sign or message from him, how I wish I could have one, but I don't get them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi all,

I haven't been here in a while. Korina, I am so happy for you and believe with all my heart that was Scott.

It will be my second Christmas without David. I too am having a rough time. I went away last year everyone understood. But this year it seems I'm suppose to be fine. And I'm not!

31 Christmas's with him and 1 without, boy, what's my problem? LOL

I know we will all get thriugh this time, but, does it have to be this hard. Our daughter graduated with her BA from Penn State Friday. It was such a happy occasion, but, bittersweet. they allowed them to speak after they recieved thier degree. She thanked me for my love, support and sometimes not so gentle nudging! The she said " To my Daddy, who passed away, I promised you I'd finish and I did, this is for you! Then at her party she set up a memporial table and had everyone drink a shot to him. Talk about tears!

Hugs to all of you and thank you for always being here to listen.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Korina, so glad to see your post, I have missed you. What a wonderful sign from Scott. I find little things occasionally that make me realize Mike is close by. Things in places I would have never put them, that sort of thing. Of course someone could say I just forgot, but I would rather think he is sending me little messages. I am pretty much a creature of habit, and don't usually deviate on where I put things away. Your sign from Scott was totally specific, and how wonderful for you.

Wishing you and your little girl a peaceful Christmas,

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the replies - your love and encouragement mean the world to me!

And to everyone having just trying to survive the holidays, hang in there. In this second year, Scott's mom is also having a really rough time. I, too, think the first Christmas was survived through a certain degree of numbness, plus concerted planning to survive. Truly, stark reality this time around is just so ... blunt. And all the moments with Kailyn where I wish with all my heart Scott was here, physically, watching her beside me.

But my sign has helped me a great deal, as has the joy (bittersweet though it is) of watching Kailyn truly entranced by the Christmas season (last year was exciting, but she was not even a year old; this year at 22 months, ...well, all you parents know what I mean).

Korina

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...