Six Months

[PopPop]

December 23, 2010 was the six month mark since I experienced the sudden loss of my wonderful wife Robin. I felt like I was progressing through the grief process but since the six month mark I feel like I've hit the wall and am starting all over again. Sometimes I feel just like I did on the night she died. I don't know if it has to do with the time of the year or if the reality of the loss and facing the future without her is settling in on me. Just curious to hear if this has happened to anyone else.

[Billw]

Hi PopPop,

I can relate for sure as well as everyone else here. This thing is so up and down it's beyond roller coaster. All I know is that I've learned to really enjoy the good days and kinda stock up so to speak for the bad ones. I feel like I might be turning the corner between denial and acceptance sometimes. I have gotten a little better and know that recovery from trauma and grief is possible. I have gone from forcing myself into socializing to actually enjoying some company. That was a huge stretch for me at first. I have a pretty good network of friends and have made some new ones in the process. Thank god for the guys who have stuck by me through this, I am a very fortunate man. I know my wife would not want me to sit and be miserable so I try not to be, some days are better than others though, is it the time of year? It probably compounds it I'm sure but in reality it wouldn't matter what day it is, we miss them desperately. I remain grateful for the people that have been put in my life, including of course the ones on this site. You have all been a huge help in my journey, good luck Pop and have a great day.....BW

[sunstreet]

Dear PopPop,

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, it has happened to me many times over the course of my grief. I think that is the way it happens. For me it has been like the tide of the ocean, it ebbs and flows, and each time I was right back to the moment of discovering Melissa dead, I accepted it and felt it at a deeper level and healing was occuring even though it felt like I was going backwards in this journey and not progressing.

Where I am now is when I think of my Melissa I feel a sorrow that she is no longer with me in the physical sense alongside comfort and warmth.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[Queeniemary]

PopPop, Billw is right, I think we can all relate. Some days up, and some days down, just learn to enjoy the good up days, and try to get through the bad down days. It will soon be a year for me since Michael died, and this first Christmas was hard, as I know it was for you also. Like Billw, I have many good friends who have helped me through many rough times this past year, on this site also. Just hang in there, one day, one step at a time, it does get a little easier as time passes. (that is such a cliche, but for me it is true).

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[melina]

PopPop,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. If it's any consolation, you're not alone.

I'm coming up on five months now and have been having a truly horrible wave of grief these past few days, feeling a deep despair at not being able to speak with or be with my husband. I suppose part of it could be Christmas and all that the holidays entail, but who knows. It's just hit me all over again nearly as badly as it did just after his death, and I'm having sobbing fits, especially in the evenings now, before I go to bed. I'm going to the bereavement counselor tomorrow and I've made an appointment with a psychologist colleague who does trauma therapy - which hopefully will help me deal with the terrible memories of my husband's death.

I think there is such a thing as a six-month aftershock, though I suppose they can come at any time. It's tough to be hit with this with such intensity after managing fairly well for a couple of weeks now. I don't think a day passes without me shedding a few tears, but this is different.

I hope for both our sakes that this phase will pass quickly and that we'll find a new sense of peace.

Melina

[sunstreet]

Dear Melina,

I am sorry you have been experiencing so much pain again. It is so hard, this road, none of us want to be on. Good for you for reaching out for some help from a trauma therapist. I pray this will be helpful for you. I hold you in gentle prayer Melina.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[PopPop]

Thanks to everyone for your replies. Last night I was able to do some self analysis and I concluded that the wave of grief that hit me this week really took me by surprise because it hasn't happened for a while. I thought I was beyond that but I concluded that there really is no end to this process. It is ongoing and will always be a part of me. I now know that the next time a wave hits me I should just let it wash over me, kick it into auto pilot, and roll on. Probably not the best of coping skills but it will do for now.

And to Billw, like your wife, Robin wouldn't want me to sit around and be miserable either. Thanks for reminding me of that. You're a very insightful man.

All the Best to Everyone,

PopPop

[kayc]

Poppop,

I think it's a combination of the six year mark, which is one of the hardest times because it's when reality seems to sink in and the shock wears off, and holidays...which exacerbate our feelings and loss. The one good thing is that both will pass and you will get through it, just hang in there, one sure thing, time passes, somehow. I hope it gets better for you soon!

[mfh]

I can relate. It is now 9 months and the roller coaster ride goes on. Sometimes I, too, feel as if I am starting over. No days are good but some are a bit easier than others. I guess patience is the name of the journey we are all on...patience and acceptance of where we are. I have talked to people who say year 2 can be harder than year 1 so I am trying to prepare for that...mfh