redwind30 Posted December 31, 2010 Report Share Posted December 31, 2010 I lost my husband in April and have been through alot of "firsts". My first summer without him, my first birthday without him, our first anniversary without him....and on the list goes. Christmas was a biggie. Didn't think I could survive Christmas day, but here I am. Now as a new year begins I feel like I am once again leaving him behind. I know it sounds strange, but I had him with me in 2010. Now, I will be going into 2011 without him. He will never be a part of my 2011. We won't have one single memory from this new year. Again, I know it sounds strange; but it is just really scary entering a new year without him. I really did not anticipate that this would be such a painful day because New Years was never a big deal for us. We sat on the couch and watched TV; we even slept through it a couple of years. I kind of feel like I have been blindsided by this Holiday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted December 31, 2010 Report Share Posted December 31, 2010 I lost my love on March 27 and I am with you on each of these...first birthday (the day after I buried Bill), first anniversary without him, and today is New Year's Eve and I do not want to start another year without him. We used to do nothing also, sit and fall asleep before the NYC ball hit the bottom but we were together...that was all that mattered. He is gone and 2011 feels like Mt. Everest. As others celebrate a new beginning, I sit here waiting for yet another first to come to an end. I hear you loud and clear. We are not alone. mfh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dimcl Posted December 31, 2010 Report Share Posted December 31, 2010 Oh, I can so relate. I got up this morning and started another letter to my darling Glenn, and told him that I didn't know whether to be happy that this horrible year in our lives is over or sad that he and I will never have any other years together. That is the scariest thing in the world to me. How could the vast majority of my life just be gone in 2010 and yet, the world goes on spinning and I have no say in the matter? My love has only been gone since November 1st, so I haven't been through all those "firsts" yet and to think that I must do them in a new year that Glenn will never see breaks my heart. He promised me for years that he'd live to be 95 and he was only 79 (the day of his surgery) when he died. Although we were 22 years apart in age, I figured I'd be in my 70s when he left me, but here I am, 56 years old, with a new year staring me in the face, and the thought of all those new years to come without Glenn just fills me with such sadness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted January 1, 2011 Report Share Posted January 1, 2011 I'm so sorry that we are all hurting so much. I am trying to be optomistic about 2011, this will be a year of discovering who I am and what I am about. The past forty-one years I was part of Lars and Lainey,now it is just Lainey and I want to discover that person. Please try to find some peace and joy in your life. We are all so worth it. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 1, 2011 Report Share Posted January 1, 2011 Lainey, you are miles ahead of where I was in the same time line. It's taken me all this time to realize I can't have my life back like it was, not even close, and instead have to figure things out with just me. I'm not part of a couple, I'm alone, and that is how it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abergsma Posted January 1, 2011 Report Share Posted January 1, 2011 I can't have my life back like it was, not even close, and instead have to figure things out with just me. I'm not part of a couple, I'm alone, and that is how it is. Wow that is quite the statement and oh so true but I haven't got to the accepting it yet. One step at a time. Each new first it is mind boggling...so many and yet I wasn't aware of all the memories until I actually lost my husband 3 1/2 mths ago. Allana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted January 1, 2011 Report Share Posted January 1, 2011 Dear Kay and Allana, "I'm not part of a couple, I'm alone and that is how it is." That is exactly how it is and we may be alone for the rest of our lives.I have chosen to spend my time getting to know and enjoy "Me". At age 59 I'm not ready to spend my time moping like my mother did when she lost her husband. As has been said many times on this site, we all grieve at our own speed. I still have many days where I am sad and cry at the drop of a hat, they are fewer and less intense. So believe me, I'm not that much ahead, maybe just a bit more of an optomist. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted January 2, 2011 Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Lainey, I want to obtain the optimist attitude, but I'm stuck. Maybe it's because it's only been two months. But I agree. I don't want to spend the rest of my life mourning, even though I miss him. He'll never be back and I'll never be with him ever again. Part of me died with him but I have to learn to live with what's left. I hate bringing in a new year without him, but that's just the way it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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