Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Mom's Things


Recommended Posts

My Mom lived with me for the last 10 years. She passed away on the 22 December 2010. I haven’t been able to move or pack away any of her stuff. It’s still her things. It makes it feel like she’s gone away for few days and she’s coming back. Some people tell me to sort out Mom’s things as soon as possible, others tell me to do it when I am ready. I don’t know what to do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi Eren,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Mom. Of course you haven't been able to move or pack her things, it's SO SO early for you, 22nd of December, to me that's like only minutes ago really.

All I can say is to listen to your own gut feeling and do what's right for you, what you want to do, what you feel like doing when you feel like it.

People have the best intentions when they suggest what to do, try, and when one should but every single person handles grief and loss differently, the timings of when people do different things is also unique to everyone so the only person who knows the right thing to do is you yourself.

You say you don't know what to do ........maybe that means for now you don't want to do anything, again only you can really answer that.

It's important to just be kind with yourself now and I really hope nobody is putting pressure on you to do anything with your Mom's stuff, putting her stuff away is not going to suddenly make everything better and sometimes I think people on the outside have that belief so the can push to put away physical reminders.

my Mom did pack away my Dad's clothes pretty early and it make me physically sick, I lost it for hours sobbing but realised after she needed to do that for herself because it was too much when she'd open the wardrobe. But before I donated them I took out LOADS of them to keep myself. But having Dad's things put away, clothes donated etc to me it felt like we were removing every trace of him in this physical world, like he was never really here to begin with and I struggle with that. For my Mom's sake I have the clothes put away but so often I still want to just see his jacket on the chair, his tie hanging on the chair after his hard day's work.

((hugs))) to you,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Eren,

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum. I think it's way too soon to be making big decisions about her stuff yet.I lost my Mum in Nov & my brothers have dealt with her stuff because I just couldn't, I couldn't even look at it, but my feelings are starting to change now, & want some of her things around. Don't give yourself a hard time about this, it's such a personal thing.

And it doesn't have to be all or nothing - try moving one thing & seeing how it feels, you can put it back again. Or not, if it feels ok...one teeny step at a time. And it's not really anyone's business but yours - some people have to get things sorted immediately, some don't. Who's to judge?

Just hang in there, this is one of those things that will sort out over time.

Look after yourself.

Becka XXX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Eren, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. My mom passed in November and we still haven't gone through her things really. My dad and I have sorted through some stuff that was obviously garbage, but her clothes and other things are still where she left them. We don't feel ready to even begin to go through them, so we'll wait until we do. I think it's a very personal decision and what's right for someone else may not be right for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Eren,

I am sorry about the loss of your mom. No, please take your time with your mother's belongings. This could take years. But, really, do what feels best, and, if it doubt, do not be hasty in tossing anything.

Here's my quick story: Mother moved into assisted living about four years ago. We had to do a painful two weeks of sorting things out, some things stayed, some went to her assisted living room, some went to my house, some went to my storage. Then, a few years later, when she went to skilled care, we scaled down more, some more was donated, some more went to storage, I kept a few items. As the years went by, I gradually let go of some things. At first I could not let go of furniture, but I found much of it just did not work in my house. I saved the best of the best, the rest donated. But, it took a few years. Then the clothes. These were mainly her own handmade clothing. I really struggled, but, because they would not fit me right anyway, I either gave to friends or donated.

Its really a gradual process. If you do not have enough room, maybe some can go to storage. This probably will take years.

After four plus years, I still do not know what to do with her mink jacket and I still have some things in storage at a friend's house. Now that she has passed, I have some of her paintings on my walls, and other items on display. I also have a nice piece of her furniture on loan in a friend's house, mainly because it fits perfectly.

Take care, no rush.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello Grace,'

My mother passed away a few days after yours on the 26th of December. I was surprised to hear my sister say right after the funeral that she would be coming back this week to start to pack her things. Well I noticed that it didnt happen as quickly as she had originally stated. She cleaned up the room my mother used to keep most of her things, but she did not remove any clothes. Today I took some things home to my house since my mother and I are about the same size but she bragged that she was slimmer than me right before she passed away :))) Even my father said it was no rush for me to take any of the things..and took that to mean that he didnt want every trace of my mother gone either. I looked at one of her favorite shirts that she always wore, and I cried. Right now Im siting here in her bathrobe. It doesnt seem right. My mother and I were close but she didnt want me wearing her clothes because I always mess things up. Im panicking about getting anything on her robe or her clothes. She took excellent care of her clothing. I want to leave everything where it is, besides its not like my father is moving out any time soon. Its hard to look at the photos of my parents...they were always so happy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


Oh, I understand. I think you just need to do what feels right for you. No rules here. And, the meaning of mother's things will probably change over time.

I do not think I would want to wear my mother's clothing though. I do keep a white sweater of hers in my drawer. It was something I bought her. She wore it frequently. It was my favorite. But, its nice having it there, just as it is nice having some of her furniture in my home along with her paintings and other things. But, some of these things have been with me for years. I even keep the CD that was playing when she passed on in a special place. I had just given it to her. Have not been able to play that again yet, but I will sometime.

I think you just need to do what feels right for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Eren,

First I wanted to say how sorry I am about the lost of your dear mom, You need to take your time with your mom's things... I was told not to do anything for three months because what you are feeling will change and if you give things away than there will be a chance you will want them later... I tried the first time to deal with my mom's things on Mother's Day but it was just too hard... Hope this helps ... Shelley

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...