My Story

[Mazziesmom11]

3 days ago, my brother and I made the decision to put my baby girl, Mazzie, to sleep. In November, she had gottern really sick throwing up and was just pitiful. I took her to the vet. We figured that she had ate something in the yard or whatever. The vet never went into detail about anything, and I was stuck on her possibly eating deer feces or something, she's a Jack Russell and is always into soemthing. She stayed overnight and it took her a couple of days, but she got better. We continuously assumed what made her sick, and in the end, we figured it was the food we were giving her. We changed her food and she seemed to do good once we found which one seemed to work ok with her system. I even went back to the vets office and asked them for advice. Every once in awhile she would not feel well, or would have a bad spell but never like when she was so sick the first time. I would give her the medicine the vet gave us and she would be fine. This past Saturday, it was pretty outside and I let her and my other Jack Russell (Cody, he's 12 years old) play outside for awhile since it was pretty outside. Mazzie loves to dig, so she had made a new hole and enjoyed the time making it bigger. That night Mazzie got sick and threw up. I noticed when cleaning it up that she had rabbit pellets in it and became kinda concerned. I gave the medicine and it seemed to help a little bit. I was up with Mazzie all night that night. She threw up a few times, but she would just stand there like it was too painful to move. Sunday morning I went out and got her some Pedialyte (the vet had said I could) so she wouldn't be so dehydrated. She did better. She still wouldn't eat, but she didn't seem as bad. That evening, I called the emergency vet, since it was Sunday they were not open. I explained everything to the vet, she had me check to see if she was dehydrated, and since she was not she assured me that she would be ok until the next morning. That night Mazzie did not do good at all. She vomitted all night, she couldn't even hold water down. She was so pitiful. I prayed and prayed that God would take away her pain and give it to me. I am bigger. I can handle it, but my little girl was too small to. In the meantime, Cody was acting funny as well. He clung to me, and every time I got near her, he would run up to me, sort of like he was trying to get the attention instead of her. We made it thru the next and as soon as they opened, we went to the vet. She wasn't running a fever and she wasn't dehydrated, but the vet took blood to get a work up on it. I left little Mazzie there, since I had been thru this process before and the vet said she would call when the bloodwork came back. I had not been home for 10 minutes when the vet called. Mazzie had severe pancrititus that had caused her to have diabetes. As i sat there listening and crying, the vet explained to me that even if they could get the pancrititus under control (with it being that severe, she would have a difficult time controling it and then she would possibly be sick on and off for the rest of her life) then she would have to have insulin shots twice a day and be closely monitored for the rest of her life. She let me get off of the phone to tell my brother and discuss what we would do. My life again fell apart for the second time in 3 years ( I lost my oldest brother to a heart attack when he was 35). After alot of crying, we knew what to do. We went to the vets and spent a few minutes with her before we did it. She was in so much pain, she didn't even wag her tail. She wasn't my Mazzie in those final moments. She didn't have the energy to be. She was in so much pain. My brother held her body and they made me hold her head when we put her to sleep. She just stared into my eyes when the doctor was giving her the shot and then she was gone. I cannot believe she is gone. She has been my light during a bad day, my healer when I had surgery, she stayed by me when my brother died. Always wanting to give the world her kisses and happiness. It's been three days and my heart hurts so bad. I have managed to find her squeaky toys that were all over the house and put them in the toy box. She was notorious for playing with them. I have tried to stay busy, but I am now so worried about my little Cody. He is 12 years old, and he has been thru the grieving process 10 or 11 years ago, but this is different. Mazzie and Cody has only been away from each other for one night in 7 years. He is looking for his sister. I am so scared. He is 12, can his little old heart handle this? I am trying to give him as much attention as I can, but where as normally he would sleep all day, yesterday he stayed up and was wide awake. He is jumping at any noise in the house and just stares into the living room waiting for her. He is so sad. I truly think that he knew that something was not right in the last days of her life. He was acting so weird. Now, i am trying to grieve, and am having to help my Cody get thru this too. This is so tough. I never had kids, so Mazzie was my little girl and Cody was my little boy. They are my kids. To lose one is unbearable. People probably would look at me like I am crazy for being so upset. But, my heart aches for this little ray of sunshine that lit my life up for 7 years. I feel so empty and alone and am doing all that I can to help Cody. I feel that talking about it helps, but I am running out of people who would even understand a little bit. Her little brown eyes haunt me. And, of course the questions of guilt have come to me. Did I do the right thing? Was there something I could've done? Did I give up on her? I know the answers to the questions, of course, but it still bothers me. I would never want her to suffer. She deserves much more then that. I try to comfort myself by saying that she is with my brother playing with no worries. And she will be waiting for me when I get there. But, since I never have gotten over my brother, the death of my child is unbearable. Thank you for letting me tell my story, and all prayers for me and my family, especially my Cody, would be greatly appreciated.

[beakerj]

Oh MazziesMom,

I'm so sorry.........I can't find the words for it. I'm sitting here with one of my Patterdale terriers (my girl, Darcey) curled up into me, & when she had cancer a few years ago I was terrified I'd lose her. But, even though it didn't come to that, I come from a family that has had a lot of animals & our rule has always been that if our animals (fully paid up members of our family) were sick, then we did what they needed, not what we wanted. Which is EXACTLY what you did. Sparing them unnecessary pain is a sign of love, & you did the right thing. What else could you have done? You've obviously been the best Mum they could ever want or have - Mazzie & Cody have been very very lucky.

As for grieving animals - they do grieve, but not in exactly the same way we do. I remember reading something on Caesar Milan's website about this I think - I'm sure you could google it. It's basically about letting animals get through their grief, without us making them feel worse by how we (inadvertently) treat them. It might be helpful to read & help you feel less worried for Cody.

How I wish our dogs (I have no kids either), lived as long as we do & we could all go together...

Just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for you both, my heart really goes out to you.

Lots of love from Becka, Darcey & Linus XXX

[beakerj]

Here's that link http://www.cesarsway.com/cesarstips/problembehaviors/Dealing-with-Grief

[Mazziesmom11]

Thank you so much for posting the link. I have learned alot from it. I have been off for the last couple of days and have been spending more time with Cody. Today I took him to the park to walk around and we went for another ride this afternoon. After both trips, he still comes in the house looking for my Mazzie. So the distraction is short lived. But after reading the article, I have learned that me doing stuff like that helps, but because I am still grieving, I have a tendency to cry wherever and whenever I want, even if it is infront of him. I think that that could be effecting him so I am going to be more private when I have the little moments. I never thought of him being able to sense my emotions or moods, which I haven't been thinking as clearly as I normally would lately anyways. Again, thank you so much for that post. Kinda gives me a clearer look at where to go from here. I am going to get him and me thru this.

[MartyT]

I too am so very sorry to learn of the tragic loss of your precious Mazzie, and I hope you know you are among kindred spirits here, who share your love for animals and know how it hurts when they are taken from us. I like the article Becka recommended to you, and I've added it to the others I've listed on the Pet Loss Articles page of my Grief Healing Web site. Since you're at home with Cody for a few days, you might find some time to read more about the grief that accompanies pet loss, so you'll know better how to manage your own reactions. Painful as it is, I think you'll find that what you are feeling is normal, and a measure of the love you feel for your fur baby. You might also find it helpful to listen to an audio clip from a radio program on the guilt that accompanies pet loss.

[Mazziesmom11]

I just wanted to take a minute and update you on how we are doing. I read the articles that you all advised me to read and actually took them to heart. It has been a little over 2 weeks since I had to let my girl go and I miss her all the time. Her absence is overwhelming, but I have turned all of my attention to Cody and the two of us are doing good. I have started taking Cody out for long walks, something that was impossible to do with 2 Jack Russells. He is enjoying that alot. He has kind of become more energetic whereas before Mazzie played alot and Cody slept. Now he has all of the attention and seems to be handling her not being here ok. I keep him pretty busy. We are going to make it thru this and be fine. Thank you all for your support in my time of need.

[kayc]

Oh Mazzie's Mom,

My heart goes out to you, for I am a fellow dog lover and understand all too well how you feel about your children. My dog is my baby too! And I am so sorry about your loss of your brother, 35 is so young, we just don't expect it that young. My husband died at 51 and I sure didn't expect it that soon!

I'm glad to hear you're doing better and I think you're doing the right thing by concentrating on Cody right now. You did the right thing for Mazzie, you wouldn't want her to suffer any more. We rely on professionals to give us the straight scoop, and yours did. There is never a good time to lose someone we love, if she'd lived another year or two, you would be grieving just as much, it's just a part of life we can't avoid.

I wish I had read this sooner, but somehow I missed it. You will continue to be in my prayers.

[rebbyreb99]

Hi Mazzie's mom:

You and I have so much in common. I just put my 8 year old Jack Russell, Katie down a week ago today. I am so appreciative of this site because of stories such as yours. She too was the best. We have another Jack Russell, Jake who is 4. She welcomed Jake in like he was her own puppy. The sadness in our lives is beyond description. I took the 2 of them walking everyday because to Katie loved walks even though she had these tiny little legs she was always in first place. I have my son's other dog over here for the past week to help with Jake. It is helping but it is not Katie. I am now back to walking Jake but for me it is every place I look I see her face. I can only imagine what is like for Jake who is a dog and is not capable to ask what happened to my friend?

[MartyT]

Rebby, dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your beloved Katie, and I certainly understand your concern for your other dog, Jake. I'm hoping you'll find these articles to be helpful. (Note that the PetPlace.com site requires that you register in order to access its articles, but doing so is free):

Can You Explain a Pet's Death to Another Pet?

Dealing with Grief in a Pack

Do Dogs Have Feelings?