Lost My Mom

[Chantilly]

Hello everyone, I'm new here and wanted to introduce myself.

I lost my mom two weeks ago and I'm still in shock.

My mom was 81 yrs. old and up until October 28th, was living a full, happy life.

She took a fall down the stairs and wasn't found until 23 hrs later. She suffered a head and back injury.

After being in the hospital for two weeks, she went to a rehab facility for two weeks and then came home.

She was doing well, until she presented stroke like symptoms, turns out she had a sub-dural bleed.

She went back to the hospital and the prognosis was good. Docs felt the bleed would heal on it's own.

Mom went back to rehab and on Christmas eve was rushed to the ER, with respiratory failure.

Extreme measures were taken to save her and after a couple of weeks, she seemed to be improving.

Turns out she had a seizure and a heart attack, in the hospital. That's when the downward spiral started.

She couldn't eat and had a hard time breathing. Being the health care proxy, I knew she didn't want to live by artificial means.

I was forced to make the most difficult decision of my life, I had to let my mother go.

She was moved to a hospice and died 10 hours later.

I have such an empty feeling and still can't believe she's gone.

Will this pain ever go away???

[nanasbaby]

Im so sorry for your loss. Your mother passed away two weeks after mine. Im still in shock and disbelief. I dont have the right words of comfort..

[2sweetgirls]

Dear Chantilly,

I am so sorry for the loss of you mom. Welcome to this site...it has been a lifeline for me. I don't think I would have had any sanity without it.

I have lost both of my parents 10 months apart. You ask "will this pain ever go away?". Everyone is different but, I don't think this pain will ever go away. I'm hoping that somehow, someway, it will just change and become part of us and easier to accept. But I'm not there yet.

Shock is probably a really go way to describe it. I still shake my head sometimes in disbelief. I wish I could offer more words but, at the moment, I am at a loss.

Anyway, please keep sharing when you can. It really does help to know that someone feels similarly to you.

Peace to you today, tomorrow and always.

2sweetgirls

[Chantilly]

Thank you both for responding.

Just knowing I'm not alone in what I'm feeling, gives me comfort.

Sometimes my feelings of grief scare me. The sadness I feel rips me to my core.

These feelings are unfamiliar to me and I'm not sure what to do with them.

Having a group of people who are experiencing the same thing, gives me comfort and hope that I can get through this.

Sometimes there are no words that will help, but the thoughtfulness of other people lending an ear does.

So thank you for listening and sharing your experiences with me. I feel less alienated and I'm one step closer to acceptance.

[BellaRosa]

Chantilly, I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I lost my mom to lung cancer in November, and I know how you feel in terms of will the pain ever end. Some days I am able to function somewhat normally, and other days make me want to just stay in bed and cry all day. From what others have said, the pain will become less intense over time and we will learn to live with it. Please keep posting and letting your feelings out.

[Cat_Lady]

Chantilly, I am so sorry to hear about your Mom. My Mother passed away January 4th and I feel your shock. You are not alone, as I am sure you can see. Talking about how you feel with help you to feel connected to people for understand whoat you are going through. I too had to make the difficult decision not to intervene and let my Mom go, as she too did not want to be hooked up to machine. It is more difficult than anything else I have had to do yet. For me, the shock is just starting to wear off and I am dreading February 4th, it would have been her 81st Birthday. I was going to write today about how bad a day it is but when I saw your post it helped me to realize again that their are others out there who understand and are also suffering. Hang in there and know that we are all here for you whenever you need us.

[grace10]

Dear Chantilly,

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Does it get any better? I think it does. It does not go away, but we learn to integrate this loss into our lives. By writing about your loss here, you have started to do something that will really help you and will remind you that you are not alone, that others are experiencing this pain too. Writing and sharing has helped me. I hope it helps you.

Shortly after my mother passed on, I began to really sense that she was in some beautiful place on the other side and doing well. I still believe this. I believe she is free of pain, free of her aged body, and doing wonderful things and is reunited with loved ones again. I think her passing was at the right time, because it was too hard for her to live in pain and discomfort. She had two serious falls the last year of her life. They changed everything for her. It was just too much for her.

I also believe that she wants me to be happy the rest of my life and do the things I want to really do and be with the people I want in my life, until we are joined again. Somehow, these thoughts make it a little easier when there is sadness and missing her. Take care.

[niamh]

hi Chantilly,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Mom and so sorry you had to endure so much pain watching your Mom be so sick.

I'm not sure the emptiness or the pain ever goes away, for me I can't imagine it ever will. Maybe we just learn to manage it a little better, somedays it's visible to everyone in sight, other days it just sits on the inside.

I wish I had words of comfort for you but I don't think they exist. I just hope you will find some little comfort here knowing sometimes others can relate to some of what you are feeling.

Wishing you much peace and comfort,

(((hugs)))

Niamh