Oh Where, Oh Where Did My Beautiful Wife Go?

[Where'dSheGo?]

Hi Lori,

The bathroom analogy is interesting and makes alot of sense. I could see her wanting it that way anyway. She would have wanted to spare me from seeing it happen. And at least I told her I loved her and gave her a kiss when I left. You didn't have that and I feel so bad for you. That must have been so horrible. I'm sure your husband's last conscious moment was one of concern about you and how much he loved you! You should take some comfort in knowing that.

Phil

[kayc]

Lori,

That's how it was for me too. I went to my sisters reunion, as I do once a year, the only time I was ever away from him on the weekend and right after I left he had a heart attack, drove himself to the doctor, then went by ambulance to the hospital. By the time I learned about it, he knew he was dying but didn't tell me, he was supposed to have surgery the next morning but didn't make it that long. People were visiting when I got to the hospital, then they made me leave while they transferred him to ICU. He was asleep when they let me back in and woke up having a heart attack...I rushed for help and they started working on him but threw me off the ward. While I was praying for him, he died. We never got to have that last conversation, that alone together talk. You're right that sudden unexpected death is pure hell, he had just turned 51, I thought we had at least another 20 years together, it seems unfair, doesn't it? It's hard to assimilate when it is so sudden.

But on the other hand, watching your loved one die bit by bit and suffer is extremely hard...I went through that with my precious mother-in-law...I took care of her while she was bedridden with cancer the last nearly three years of her life and I'd have done anything to spare her that agony. I think that's even worse, but sudden death, well it's just hard to process, it's such a shock.

[Where'dSheGo?]

It is all so horrible no matter how you slice it...we will never be the same.