Six Months

[wmjsca]

I haven't been here for a little while. Things have been hectic and school is winding up for the Spring. This semester is more difficult, I guess, because I'm feeling more. I was so numb during the fall. But, just when I think I'm making progress, one of my friends asked me, again, whether I've found 'a man'. I didn't want to get angry with her because I love her, it's just that people truly don't understand the magnitude of losing someone to death. Death isn't like breaking up....it's having someone you love snatched away without warning and gone FOREVER. Clint died so unexpectedly. One week we were together and the next we were planning a burial. I can't seem to get people to understand that I'm just finding out how to get through life without his love and company. How could I even be expected to be involved with someone else yet..if ever? It's not that I don't miss male companionship, but really....six months?????

I do hope everyone is well, and for those who've now joined us, I'll be thinking of you all. I remember my first visit here and I was a mess. Crying all the time, not knowing what to do, who to turn to, how to live the rest of my life. I still am hurt and many days I still cry, but the feelings just aren't as raw as at the beginning.

You will get through this...because you have to....life does move on.

Take care all.

[pinkpony]

today is my 6 month w/o my darling husband too, & I totally understand what your saying. my dh's family has been telling me since before he passed(he had terminal cancer & was on hospice for 6months)"your young you'll find a new love soon" I finally cracked one day & told them "I don't want a new man! I want the 1 I had!". I had my soul mate the love of my life, I can't even think of someone replacing that, nor do I want that. yes I'm young, but after 30yrs w/ someone who was perfect for you, I have no desire for another. I think people just don't get it, I know w/ his family I think they're just trying to prepare themselves & letting me know its OK & I'll still be family. but they don't realize the trama we've been through & how much those words hurt. Yes it's OK if we move on(we fulfilled our "till death do you part" of our vows)but we have to do that in "our" time, not theirs.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but for some unknown reason it is part of our journey. don't be afraid to tell people what you really think & know we are in the same boat & we can help each other get through this.

[Anne E]

I don't understand why family and friends assume losing your spouse is like losing a favorite sweater which I should be anxious to go out and replace??? I don't get it. Dick was my soul mate and my first, only and greatest love. We were together for 40 years and I am supposed to cast him aside like a worn out pair of shoes and replace him? Really???

Dick has been gone from me for three years and there are days when it seems like yesterday. Because they have not lost their spouse, there is no way they can understand and I for the life of me can't figure out why they feel the statements, "Are you dating yet?" "Have you found another man?" are acceptable or comforting.

I used to just try to smile and shake my head because I did not want to embarrass them or make them feel bad, but now I just don't care how they feel. I answer, "Are you kidding? Really, are you kidding? That's the very last thing that interests me right now and I don't want you to ask me that again, ever! Even if you are joking or trying to make me feel better. I will never feel totally better and questions like those do not make me feel better."

Since Dick's death, I have lost over 50 pounds. I made the decision to take care of myself to honor him. I DID NOT LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE I AM ON THE PROWL FOR A MAN!!! There is no way in the world someone who has not lost their spouse and decided to take care of them self would be asked if they were looking for a man. It's rude and not very thoughtful or comforting.

Can you tell those comments make me a bit crazed?

God Bless and Comfort you.

Anne

[kayc]

To say something like that is totally insensitive and stupid, I'm sorry! I would have a hard time replying without showing how annoyed I was. You're right, it's not like replacing an old sweater. Grrr!!!

[wmjsca]

Thanks all. I knew you would understand. It does still hurt and finding a new man? I think you just have to experience this before you can relate. Otherwise, to the world, after so much time passes, it's no different than replacing that 'old sweater'.