Standing In A Crowded Room....

[Perkins808]

It has been 10 months since my dear sweet husband's death and life has gone on. I get out of bed every day, I go to work. There's always something to do in the house, in the yard.....there's the kids, the dogs, the cars.

I celebrate holidays....mostly for the girls, trying to keep life as close to normal as possible for them. We have parties for birthdays....I've just finished cleaning up from my youngest daughters Sweet 16 birthday party. Reality hits me every day, but I think it hits the most when I'm surrounded by all my family and friends and yet still feel so all alone. Oh how I miss that one special hug I will never feel again, the sweet looks from across a crowded room that always made me feel like we were the only two there......and the wonderful way he would always manage to sneak up behind me at some point during the day and whisper I love you no matter how busy we were.

I was told by a very close friend the other day that when I am feeling down, I should think about how grateful I am to have known the love that I had with Jeff.....that not a lot of people ever find someone and have the connection that Jeff and I had. I know that she loves me and is only trying to help, but I couldn't help thinking that this would be the advice that I would get from someone who has not lost the most important person in their life and had their life turned upside down.

Of course I am grateful for every second I had with Jeff, of course I am grateful to have shared such an incredible love with him...it's just really hard sometimes to smile when at that very moment it feels like someone has taken a knife to your heart.

In case I haven't said it lately - I am so grateful to everyone in this group. It always feels good to vent and let these things out knowing that either there will be others who have gone through the same thing or someone will offer some words of wisdom that will center me once again.

Hugs,

Tammy

[mfh]

Hi Tammy

Yes, sometimes the wrong thing comes out of the mouths who try to reach out. That has happened to me a lot also. I guess unless someone has had and lost that deep love that you and I both had and are so very grateful for...they just do not see that losing that person is all the more difficult.

As for feeling so alone in a crowd of family...I get it. I have no children but even when I go somewhere with friends and have to come home...or even when I am with them...I feel alone...always I feel alone and empty.

I also go through the motions....do what must be done but it is all empty and that special person who would share it in a way no other could is not here. On and on the pain goes.

Peaceful moments to you, mfh

[Susie Q]

Yes, so alone even in a crowd of people who love me. The family things are the hardest yet I need to be there. I still make an early get away because it just gets too much to bear and I don't want to spoil the day for them.

I have two weddings coming up and I dread missing them, I dread going alone but yet can't bear the thought of 'taking someone' even a girlfriend.

No answers to this one....and it makes me so very sad for us all.

Yes, I am grateful for the relationship we had, but no, not ready to say 'Well I've had my quota of love, so I didn't deserve to have more'. You are right, kind meaning words can be very hollow and even hurtful but I accept them in the spirit they are meant. Sooner or later everyone will understand..Susie Q

[kayc]

I have found comfort knowing that at least I had the time that I did with George and that we had something so special that most people never even experience in their lifetime. But with the same measure of love that you had comes the same measure of pain/emptiness/loneliness later. If you had something that wasn't very important, you wouldn't miss it when you lost it...but when you lose something of immeasurable value, you miss it with your life and breath. I suppose this is a tribute to him, to how much he touched lives and in particular, mine and that of my children.

[new]

Tammy,

I know what you mean about feeling so alone. Life is empty and lonely daily, when at work, in a crowd or at home alone with my dogs. I was going through my texts from my Jeff recently and it put me back to where I was when I received them. When I stopped reading and looked around the room and realized all of that is gone, it is overwhelmingly difficult. That tiny glimpse into what we had and how much we care about each other is heartwrenching. All of the "are you OK or do you need anthythings or I love u", are so precious and gone forever. I miss those hugs and kisses and looks across a crowded room. I miss it all.

My son is getting married in Oct and I don't know how I am going to get through it. I am worried about ruining their day with my sadness at Jeff not being there. My son tells me not to worry about it but you know how it is. People that have not experienced this do not know what it feels like. It has been 3 months today since I lost my Jeff and when I think I am starting to learn to live with this I am reminded that I am not. The sadness and tears are overwhelming and frequent today. I am glad I took off of work.

I too am grateful for what we had but don't want to hear it from someone else, it is not consoling to me either. We lost them way too soon. My Jeff was only 50 and we were suppose to have so much more of these things before we had to go through this.

Hugs to all of us, Pat

[Perkins808]

Thank you for all of your responses.

I think we can all agree that you can never have "enough" time with your loved one.....whether we were with them 4 years or 40 years....whether they went quickly or whether we knew that their life was going to be cut short. I know I could have been with my Jeff for 100 years, and I would have wanted more. Yes - I am thankful to have known him, thankful for every second I had with him and thankful for having a love with him that I've never known in my lifetime.

I came across this quote - and how fitting it is. "Grief is neither a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It's the price we pay for love."

Hugs to you all,

Tammy

[Lainey]

Tammy,

So aptly put, there is never enough time with your loved one regardless if you knew ahead or not. The shock and pain are there. I think for myself, knowing 6 months before Lars died was not any easier to accept than if he had gone suddenly.We at least were able to have some very intense conversations about what I would do, he was able to say his goodbyes to his family and friends.

How I long to be able to feel his arms around me again, the cuddles, the shared loved. That will always be the things I will miss most.

Lainey

[kayc]

"Grief is neither a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It's the price we pay for love."

Tammy, how well put!