Which "life" Is The Dream?

[Dimcl]

My darling Glenn has been gone just over 7 months and I'm experiencing the oddest phase (at least I hope it's a phase). For 6 1/2 of those months, I went through life thinking his death and my "new life" was a dream. I knew it wasn't, but it had an unreal, dream-like quality.

Now, I'm finding that our life "before" has that same dream-like quality and I'm not liking it one little bit. We were together 34 years, yet when I think back on our life together, it has a surreal sort of feeling to it. I wonder if, in my efforts to adapt to this new life, I've put our life together "on the back burner", in my mind.

Has anyone else experienced this and, if so, did it last?

[kayc]

Yes...it's been six years since I lost George and sometimes I feel my life with him was just a dream. Did I invent it? Was it real? I have memories and pictures of him up on the wall, my family talks about him, but it feels like it was a dream. It seems so long since my life felt normal and happy. It's like I'm "inbetween" something but I don't know what and I'm afraid this is all there'll ever be, just me, alone, going through the motions, struggling, trying to survive. It's hard. How is it that one person can make such a difference in your life that all these years later, no matter what I do, I still just miss him like crazy.

[Perkins808]

I have had those same feelings. I thought it was because I only had 4 years with Jeff - and my relationship with him was so incredible that when I think back on it now I wonder how it could possibly have been real?!

I think for me it had a lot to do with feeling like I was walking around in a fog. Everything seemed like a dream....or a nightmare for that matter. When I started to come out of the "fog", it wasn't easy to distinguish between what was real and what was a dream.

I am only a few months ahead of you - Jeff has been gone for 10 months. What I have found is that as more time passes, the easier it is to recall memories. There is more clarity to my memories - and I can only conclude that maybe I am better prepared emotionally to handle these memories now, so they come easier.

Hugs,

Tammy

[Susie Q]

I ahare these feelings too. Sometimes I ask myself over and over 'did I dream him and all those years together?' It's like it is so very far in the past that I can't hold onto that life, yet it's what I cry for every day, and sometimes for hours. It's been 22 months yet sometimes it fells like a lifetime ago.

I don't know what the explanation is, but it's good to know I'm not alone with feeling that way....Susie Q

[melina]

Dimcl,

I think I know what you mean. But I'm still struggling with the idea of this new life being a dream - or life at all. We were together nearly 30 years, and it still seems amazing that he isn't here. He's always been here. I still have dreams where he's there, in some capacity.

But I understand that feeling of my former life having a dreamlike quality - which comes sometimes fleetingly.

The other day one of my sons requested some old photos of himself as a kid - to use in his upcoming wedding. I was forced to flip through photo albums, something I haven't done since my husband's death. That brought back my old life and made it very real again. How do you feel when you look at photos of Glenn?

Melina

[mfh]

Yes, the dream state hits me often. Sometimes the entire 36 years feels like it was 2 minutes long and a dream at that. I shake my head wondering what happened...still shocked by the reality. mfh

[ksbeachbum]

It is all a dream or a nightmare? The good memories seem like so long ago and now all I have is the aftermath nightmare.

You are not alone.

Blessings to you my friend

Becky

[Dwaynecg]

Pauline and I were together for 33 years. That was real. We were so much in love, we knew what the other one was going to say before it was said. I am a wreck without her, the days are so lone and nights are worse. What I feel now is not a dream. It is more like a smack in the face. I would give any thing to have a little more time with her. I can't have that so here I am in the same place all of you are. Some nights I swear she is next to me in bed, I can feel her warmth, I can hear her breathing. Then it is gone, I am alone without her and it sucks. I am trying to get it together and try to accept she is gone. This new life we all have is so hard to start it is two steps forward and then one back. As I type this the tears are falling. I am thankful for HOV because you all understand the pain I feel how hard we fight trying to move ahead in our new life.

God Bless all of you, and may he ease our pain as we move ahead.

Dwayne

[Dimcl]

Dimcl,

How do you feel when you look at photos of Glenn?

Ever since he died, I have been looking at the photos of Glenn that I took over the 34 years we were together and they always give me great comfort. Right now, though, it almost seems like I'm looking at pictures of someone that I saw in a book I read, or a movie I saw. The memories are there, but the dream-like quality disturbs me. Even the last photo taken of us in June last year makes me shake my head in wonder. It was only a year ago and although I recall that road trip very well, it doesn't seem to have a "real memory" quality. I know that memory is a tricky thing, but this is another "first" for me and I hope it goes away soon.

Thank you very much to all who responded to my concern. As Susie Q says, it's good to know we're not alone.

Hugs to all who are plowing through this nightmare.

Di