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Today I finally have realized I'm not over my partners death and I don't think I will be for a very very long time. Sue has been dead for a year now and I have not written in a long time. Sue & I were together for 23 yrs one month after I was laid off she was diagnosed with cancer. I took care of her house the animals the bills not me though around the clock until I couldn't anymore. The last three days I had to put her in Hospice I couldn't go any further and then she passed away. I have lost my dog , my house, moved in with my mother, still looking for a job. I think I got one now all I have to do is hold onto it. I had one a month ago I couldn't concentrate and was forced to leave. My mother has been ever so kind but hates the lifestyle and has let me know everything I ever did wrong in my life to her. Everything is getting to me I do not like feeling this way depressed all the time I feel like I am bipolar for gods sake. I just burst into tears and fly into a rage for no reason. Please help!!!

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PMJ,

I had a gift when I met Pauline. I know what it takes to be a caregiver. She had MS and passed away February 25,2011. She had MS for many years. I was very hard to see this disease eats her away bit by bit. The last 3 weeks she was on hospice at home. I quite my job of 27 years to take care of her what turned out to be her last 2 1/2 years of her life. When see passed away I went on unemployment. I worked as her PCA. I have been able to keep our apartment.

My family is all out west, I live in Massachusetts. The grief is very hard on me I have had the one health problem after another. I have 2 very good friends. They help me I help them.

What has helped me the most is the right medication and coming on here everyday. We all help one another. If you do not have the health insurance try to find free care in your area to see about medication. Try to find a hospice group in your area. I try to attend 1 a week. I also went back to the church we use, to go to before Pauline became to disabled to go any more. I find that has help me also. I am sure there are other people on here who can help you better than I. Just keep going don't give up or give in. You will get through one day, one hour, even one minute at a time. And Mom does not know what is best for you. Follow you heart and trust in it.

God Bless, may he heal your broken heart and spirit, and comfort your soul.

Dwayne

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What a lot of changes you've had, on top of losing your partner, try to be patient with yourself,this healing takes a lot of time and energy and is exhausting. The best advice I could offer is to try to take time to breathe, long deep breaths. As the saying goes "This too shall pass" and having walked this journey for 14 months, we all know this is a journey of many, many small baby steps. You are strong - you will come through... Take care, Deb

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Guest Nicholas

I think your reaction is quite a "normal" one, perhaps a visit to your physician may be in order and/or bereavement counselling?

Take care

Nicholas

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pjm... I am so sorry, it's not enough that we have to deal with our broken hearts but our lives start to become unmanageable. Just how do we keep our heads above it all and breath? Please take care of yourself, your health above all else. I am constantly reminding myself that my husband would not want my life to suffer after his death. What would be the point? The cancer did enough damage to his life, it should not take over my life after his death should it? I can just hear him now, "get over yourself"...

Sometimes anger moves people... sometimes it's enough to get us moving in a direction in life that makes sense again. We couldn't save our loved ones but we can save ourselves, we can make our lives count for something once again. You will heal, one day at a time, one heart beat, one breath, one conversation, one email at a time. You are not alone here as I can say my life has completely changed also. Our hearts will mend in time...

Peace to you.

Deb

redesign08.blogspot.com

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Pjm,

You have gone through so much, it's no wonder that you are feeling overwhelmed. I think your feelings are normal and I want to encourage you to find a physical support group to attend. I am sure this site has helped, but it is important to surround yourself with positives and it sounds like your mother is not able to be that person. Living with someone who is unable bring you strength must be wearing you out. Spending time with others who have similar experiences will allow you to rebuild the motivation it takes to start over. Our identities are destroyed when our partners die. I am atteneding a new support group and our members range in age from 30-75, men and women, gay and straight, with kids and no kids, unemployed, working and retired. We range from 4 months to 5 years out in our losses. But we all univerally understand the tears, the fears and the lonliness. I can't begin to tell you how helpful it is to hear and see people that feel just like me. We all lift each other with advice, listening, life experiences and caring. It also feels good to get out of the house! I don't know enough about your situatin or location but if a support group is an option give it a try.

Hang in there. Cheryl

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Dear pjm,

After all those years and then only one year since your partner died and all those changes, I am not in the least surprised that you are feeling overwhelmed and upsidedown. First, I don't think we get over a loss like this, we get through it slowly....very slowly. I was with my husband 36 years and I know I will grieve his loss forever. Not the same as I do now (I hope) but I will miss him forever. Time to slow down...take a breathe and be gentle with yourself...allow the tears to flow. I still cry daily. I am so sorry for your losses especially your partner. No expectations beyond the essentials each day. Perhaps a walk. Perhaps a grief support group or a grief counselor. I had both this past year. It helps a lot. This group is a great place for you and we all hope to see your posts, support you, and be a part of your walk. Mary

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You have been through so much...when you are caretaker and then you lose the person, it greatly increases what you go through as you suddenly lose your purpose as you knew it...it's no wonder you're having a hard time of it, just loss in itself is more than enough. I'm sorry you are having to live with your mother...I know I could not, I'd have to off myself for sure. I hope and pray that the place you found works out and that you'll be able to focus enough to keep it. Are you working or retired? Keep coming here, it really helps to express yourself to others that are going through similar things.

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