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Can Love Heal This Broken Heart


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November 27, 2011

Love travels in many disguises these days… and finding love hasn't changed in 20 years except maybe in the fact that technology has given us more variety. You can find love in bars, singles groups, the want ads, some even find it in the newspapers, online dating groups, in single magazines, local happenings/bulletin boards, or you can join a club that sparks same interests as you, dog parks if you have a dog, take a cooking or gardening class. Be sneaky and ask a question of someone at the grocery store… it just may produce a quick smile which might lead to a quick exchange of phone numbers, bookstores, libraries, trade shows, conventions, or how about a single's cruise and let's not forget meeting the long lost brother or sister through the effort of our most beloved best "friend". Admittedly, getting brave enough to put oneself out there is the most important first step, taking risks… letting the "big walls" come down long enough for a stranger to get close enough to share a bit of personal information and the ever nervous waiting for a nod or wink in our direction just so conversations can get underway. No, it's not a comfortable beginning but it's definitely a necessary step if you want to find yourself dating again. Developing those long lost set of social skills you thought would never need again can be quite a challenge to the ego.

"Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide it with." - Mark Twain

So just how long does it take a person to mend a broken heart? Does it take 6 months? Does it take 1 year? Does it take 5 years? I've learned everyone has an opinion (family & friends) and unless you have personally walked that line you may want to hold that judgment. My personal grieving process unveils itself in unexpected ways and can throw me against a wall with its fury in a moment's notice. My unhappiness can be overwhelming at times and before I know it if I'm not careful I may find my life wasted away with feelings of despair. Reaching out to people is one way to soften the tender heartbreak of grief. Friendships and family wrap their love around my grieving heart so I will not feel so alone. But will it ever be enough? I am trying to be brave enough to say to the world "yes… here I am, afraid, alone and left behind". I am the one still breathing, I am the one still living, still full of light and love but with no direction. I am a soul with a beginning and an ending whose dreams have now been lost, searching for new meaning in life. I am trying to make sense of a heart that aches with tremendous loss and yet knowing that my life is not finished, knowing that the mystery of my life lies in the need for human touch again. How does my grieving mind wrap itself around this concept? How do I accept this as a part of myself? How do I know when I am ready?

Love means many things to many people. I'm not even sure what the word means to me anymore as it is so big to me. So I have to ask… am I really ready for it to happen again? All I know is that when that door is opened do I deny it? When two strangers meet and feel a profound connection, is it a sign? Is it a hope of true understanding? In sharing of stories on an intimate level can love heal grief? This dating process is not something I could ever be able to prepare myself for. Going through my grief at 6 months, 1 year or 5 years, I don't think time could matter to me… it does seems to be an emotional breakthrough at times and it's enough to keep me hoping for my future. I did risk, I did open up and I will call my experience a loving gift from another person's heart. I could not have even guessed at the quality and feeling of keeping my husband's love and this new love in the same space, a broken shattered heart. I would not have thought this could be possible. It proves to me that there is room for both. If I have learned one lesson this year it would be that it is so important to live one day at a time and not to live in the past or in the future. It is not an easy lesson but I try to keep it in mind every day.

Healing a Broken Heart – There is a reason

Once there was a young man who proclaimed to have the most beautiful, flawless heart. An old man challenged him. The crowd looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. Some pieces had been removed and others had been put in, but didn't fit quite right. The old man looked at the young man, "I would never trade my heart for yours. Every scar represents a person I've given my love -- I tear out a piece and give it to them. Sometimes they give me a piece of their broken heart, which I fit along jagged edges. When the person doesn't return my love, a painful gouge is left. Those gouges stay open, reminding me that I love these people too. Perhaps someday they will return and fill that space."

mailto:http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/healing-a-broken-heart.htm

I don't have the answers to grieving, this is only about my personal journey, my intimate story. I can only try to express what I have learned going down my grieving path. My heart is stretching beyond anything I knew possible… losing love and welcoming healing love at the same time. How can this be? So I ask you… can love heal this broken heart of mine? Life has no guarantees, that we know most of all, do we not?

"Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself."

Leo F. Buscaglia quote

Peace to all,

Deb

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November 27, 2011

I don't have the answers to grieving, this is only about my personal journey, my intimate story. I can only try to express what I have learned going down my grieving path. My heart is stretching beyond anything I knew possible… losing love and welcoming healing love at the same time. How can this be? So I ask you… can love heal this broken heart of mine? Life has no guarantees, that we know most of all, do we not?

"Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself." Leo F. Busca

Deb,

I'm no expert but do have input from my view...It is possible to grieve and find a new love and is indeed "heart stretching" I can speak for myself as I have fully opened my heart to another person to "Love", we are making our memories while continuing to grieve, and the "Love" is a different kind....you ask does it heal a broken heart?...I feel it opens your heart to allow it to heal somewhat but we will still have a place in our heart that aches with loss...You are so correct about guarantees so why not live it to it's fullest...since the passing of Ruth I have found a me that I didn't know existed on many aspects, some days are rough but most are filled with positive energy...and the "Love" I have for Brenda my new partner in life is one like no other...I hope you find your way and comfort zone, we were not created to be alone...

NATS

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds

than happiness ever can;

and common sufferings are far stronger links

than common joys.

-- Alphonse de Lamartine

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Dear Deb,

Today at church my pastor was talking about Mary and six days before the death of Jesus. Now before I get bashed up again it is only an analogy that I am using. Mary took her perfume and in today's time it would be worth $35,000. she washed Him from head to and used her hair, Now than pastor asked if we ever loved on so deep that all common sense went out the window, after all that was $35,000. Her life savings. I immediately said yes I did, with my wife Pauline. There is nothing I would not have done for her, and I did a lot of things to make her happy all the years she suffered with MS. Last year I went to four Mayo's stores to get thirds Black Down filled winter coat for her. Every store told me they had it in stock, but when I got there, No it was,t the same coat as on the flier. I wound up in Brookline Boston when I finally found the right coat and her size, She was a small person with pettie build. I just this past Fridays gave that coat to Pauline,s niece. She loved it, and I am very happy someone in her family can use it.

I have started a lot of confersations with many different women. Some I have been comfortable to open up to and tell my storied, some have been a quick few words. I do know one thing, id that they all leave with a smile. So when the time comes. I will be ready to start dating again. You never know when love its you. My plans are to start school in the morning and finish in six months, get a job, then worried about a relationship. I have no idea if it will work out that way or not. We will see.

God Bless

Dwayne

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Deb,

A new love doesn't necessarily fill in the holes or mend the broken heart, but it can serve as a distraction. A new love creates it's own place in your heart but does not fill the old empty one. Yes you can love someone new while still grieving your late partner, at least some people can. How long is the process of healing? That is as varied as the number of widows/widowers. It's affected by our own coping ability, the length and quality of our relationship, how intertwined we were in our everyday existence, how much effort we put into our grief journey, and many other factors. You're right, we can only speak from our own experience although many grief counselors have noted some commonalities.

I caution people against establishing a new relationship too soon because I made that mistake. When you're newly grieving, you're in shock, your brain has been through so much, your heart even more, and you aren't in a good objective position to make a decision like that. It's good to have time to adjust and get to know yourself singly before involving someone else. I would never say never, just proceed with caution, listen to those closest to you, and try not to go into it too fast and in your effort to rebuild your life, don't settle for less than you should. Listen to feedback from your kids, pastor, friends, etc. and really consider it. There is no set time when someone is ready, whether it's six months, six years, or never is an individual choice.

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