Firsts Are Hard

[kayc]

This last week was really hard...it's the first time since I've enrolled that I haven't gone on line. I had been doing pretty well I thought, and then this week hit. It was my birthday Friday, my first one without George, and everyone at work was great, and then I went to a service at church. No one there remembered that it was my birthday and I didn't hear from any of my friends. I came home to an empty house, a house without George, and I remembered all of the things he had done for me, things he'd bought me, the wonderful way he'd treated me. He was such an expert at making me feel special and loved. He always knew just how to please me. The disparity of my life before and life after really hit me...everyone else's "lacks" just seem all the more clarified by his being so perfect for and with me. I miss him, incredibly. No one else is him, no one else will ever take his place, no one else will ever be my soulmate. I love my George, and I hope he's looking and hearing from wherever he is and he knows what he means to me. He was a wonderful husband, my best friend.

I cried for hours and after a sleepless night I cleaned house frantically, as if I wanted to purge it. No matter whether I make our house a shrine to him or rid it of everything, it doesn't matter, it's still the same thing, it's missing him and it doesn't ever leave. My heart aches and the ache goes on.

[spela]

Happy birthday, KayC!

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I'm sorry that your friends didn't call. I know it is hard to get through you first birthday without him (I'm not sure that the second one will be any easier??). My birthay was in April, and I just wanted to be alone. I turned off my telepfone that day - one thing I definitely did don want to hear was "happy birthday". How could it be happy? How could I celebrate?

I do believe he was with me that day - like he is all the time - although I felt alone and miserable. He understands.

I wish you to find some peace, knowing that you are not alone and that George is with you, all the time.

[ustwo]

Happy Birthday KayC,

We all care. We all know your heartache as we walk through ours. George was there with you ...still is. I never knew a human heart could hold so much love and now I know it can hold a lot of pain.

Steps forward with George by your side....his footprints next to yours. Only a breathe away.

Always Gene!

Always!