On The 3Rd Year Of Christmas

[Susie Q]

Going to spend the day with family and friends.

On this 3rd Christmas without him, I am sad and feeling very flat. Not hurt raw like in the past, not crying and sobbing and saying I can't go - just feeling nothing but sad and missing him so very much. Maybe this is a new inbuilt defense mechanism that has developed. Not sure which is worse!

Still don't want to go, but this year I know I can get through the necessary hours of pretending to 'celebrate'.

My Christmas wish for you is that you make it through the day in the best way possible.

I hope there will be an opportunity for you to enjoy some of the blessings of this season - spending tme with those we love must never be taken for granted, as we all know so very well.

With warm regards...Susie Q

[LarrysGirl]

Its my sixth Christmas, still sad, still miss him, miss our life. I hope for your some peace and comfort, Deborah

[mfh]

This is my second Christmas without Bill and I am very sad and lonely. I have made a decision that I would rather be alone than go somewhere and feel alone in a crowd....next year that is what I plan to do. This holiday season is far more difficult, as much as i can remember, than last or at least difficult in a different way.

I reach out to both of you as you walk (trudge) through these days. I figure once we get through tomorrow it is downhill...I can easily ignore New Year's Day....have not celebrated it since I was a kid anyway. We are a human circle...holding each other in our arms....we understand in a way no one else can.

Peace

Mary

[kayc]

This is my 7th Christmas without him...I'm enjoying the kids being up and memories...wishing he could be here to enjoy everything with us.

[Lainey]

My third Christmas without Lars and it has so far been the hardest. I'm also dreading New Years, we didn't make a big deal of it, but for just the two of us it was special.We were together and that's all that mattered.

Lainey

[mfh]

Hi Lainey,

i am so sorry this has been so tough. I understand. This second Christmas without Bill was harder than the first....It is now 9:30pm, I am home from dinner at friends' and the day is over as far as I am concerned....I understand about New Year's. We never went out but did attempt to stay awake for midnight and usually fell asleep somewhere around 11pm....after a special dinner here at home. I will welcome the end of all these holidays.

Mary

[Kat2005]

This is also my third Christmas. I am, finding it easier to be with family and friend during the holidays. The only thing that hasn't changed and is so hard for me is coming home to an empty house and being alone. This was always our time. Everything was over and we were just glad to be home with each other. I miss that time so much.

[Susie Q]

Dear Kat (so good to hear from you) and others

Well we made it through. That's the thing - eventually the hours pass and whatever we have been dreading is over, until the next seemingly insurmountable obstacle is placed in our way.

I also fear NYE, much more than Christmas.

I was ambushed really badly that first year in 2009 because, in my relief to see the back of Christmas, I hadn't realised how much NYE was about our plans for the year ahead. It was always a quiet and fun time to be with friends or just alone and make our plans. It was the deadline date for deciding (after much cajoling, fake bribery and negotiation) where we would holiday that next year and what we wanted to achieve.

The last few years, since losing him, I have been persuaded to go somewhere by caring friends who think I shouldn't be alone.

2009 NYE was an absolute disaster - I had an attack of the need to flee about 10.30pm so I did so accompanied by two friends. Back home till midnight and then to bed.

2010 NYE - I can't remember what I did but I was better prepared and got through it in a reasonable state until the drive home but went straight to bed and managed to sleep.

This year, I am strong enough to just decide that I'll stay home alone. I can't miss him anymore on this night than any other night, whatever name they give it. Except that it was the night he proposed to me, 35 years ago. I'll try not to think of that.

Wishing you some good days in preparation for the next hurdle - when will it end?

[mfh]

Good for you, Susie, that you will be able to do what you choose this year. I agree that we miss our loved one just as much today, Monday, as we did yesterday on Christmas. The holidays are so difficult for so many....in a huge variety of ways. The expectations to a re-create Norman Rockwell Christmas (which after all is only a painting) are tremendous. I plan to spend the last three days of the year painting, reading, just being...and yes there will be tears but like so many of us...we learn that we survive the ambushes and tears....

Peace to our souls,

Mary