Still Lost

[Gakydog414]

It has been 52 weeks this morning since my husband left me here alone and without anything to do. For over 9 years I took care of him while on home dialysis. In between also had to find time to care for my mother. But for the past year I have not been able to cope with anything. Even having my daughters with me doesn't change the fact that he is gone and is never returning. Everything we had planned was for us, never him or me. Saturday will mark one year and I am still unable to make myself continue on. He was my everything. hate to say it, but we thought about each other even more than our daughters. He was a wonderful, loving and compassiate man. I just wish I could stop being jeaslous of him for leaving me and getting to go and be with our Lord. I had always hoped to be there first. I know, he hasn't had to deal with kidney failure or pain or anything for a year now. But I have had to endure daily pain and will continue to forever. I think the thing I have been most upset about is that I really never got to know him. Even after 22 years together. There are too many unanswered questions and they won't leave my head. I can't stop loving and missing him. Just wish there had been a little more time. Please excuse my babbling. Just had to get it all out I guess. Nice to know that there are others who are just as bad off as myself. It is the worst thing that anyone can go through, losing a loved one. Just can't and won't do it again. Thank you for listening to my grief on such an unhappy day for me.

[kayc]

One year, I remember that so well. I am sorry you are missing him, there doesn't seem to be anything for it, does there? You will be in my thoughts and prayers especially tomorrow. It helped me to think of it as a year of surviving all of the "firsts without", that was no small feat.

[widower]

I'm so sorry for your loss and facing that dreaded day. Hope you are doing better....

[kayc]

April 12 was 30 years since my Daddy died. I still miss him.

[Lina]

*hugs* I am so sorry.

[zeeks]

It has been 52 weeks this morning since my husband left me here alone and without anything to do. For over 9 years I took care of him while on home dialysis. In between also had to find time to care for my mother. But for the past year I have not been able to cope with anything. Even having my daughters with me doesn't change the fact that he is gone and is never returning. Everything we had planned was for us, never him or me. Saturday will mark one year and I am still unable to make myself continue on. He was my everything. hate to say it, but we thought about each other even more than our daughters. He was a wonderful, loving and compassiate man. I just wish I could stop being jeaslous of him for leaving me and getting to go and be with our Lord. I had always hoped to be there first. I know, he hasn't had to deal with kidney failure or pain or anything for a year now. But I have had to endure daily pain and will continue to forever. I think the thing I have been most upset about is that I really never got to know him. Even after 22 years together. There are too many unanswered questions and they won't leave my head. I can't stop loving and missing him. Just wish there had been a little more time. Please excuse my babbling. Just had to get it all out I guess. Nice to know that there are others who are just as bad off as myself. It is the worst thing that anyone can go through, losing a loved one. Just can't and won't do it again. Thank you for listening to my grief on such an unhappy day for me.

I understand your pain and jealousy... but as you say, he is in Heaven and free from pain. Why we are left behind is most likely yet to be known. But if we have faith in God He will surely show us in time. Thank you for letting me know there are others like us out there.

[ANC1117]

It has only been 7 months (8 on the 10th) and I think I am finally coming to realize Celene is never coming back. I have have manage to try everything I can to fill the void in my heart and now life seems to be getting back to normal and I am faced with the true fact that she is gone. I have began to ask myself "what now" more often and still have no answer. I share in your feelings, Gakydog414, of being lost. I have to fall asleep with the TV on so my mind doesn't keep pondering. I hate the uncertainties. I know that with the advice from others on this discusion board, who have experienced the same situations, we will someday get a grasp on it all.