Anniversary

[mik]

It has been six months since Dragon has passed away. Why does it feel like it was only yesterday? In some ways I cannot believe that six months has gone by...where did it go? I could not tell you if I tried. It has been filled with grief, dispare, longing and finally an acceptence that he is no longer here. I miss him some days more than others...some days it is just as though he has died..the pain is so intense..other days it is only briefly that he enteres my thoughts. Most of the time I am sad, a few moments of happiness always overshadowed by the fact that he is gone. Any new accomplishments..he is not there to share them...I hear music and he is inside me. I know that as time goes on the intensity of the grief will lessen but it makes me so sad...so sad to not have him near me. The only solace I find these days is in the days to come, knowing that we will one day be together again in what ever afterlife there is for us. I miss you Dragon. I love you, this six months have been the most painful of my life...yet the joy you brought into it can not comapare to any I have known.

Your Kimberly

[wmjsca]

Hello Kimberly,

I can relate to how you are feeling. It has been 18 months since Buck died and I know that at six months I was still a mess. The only thing that kept me moving forward was finishing my degree. I will graduate Saturday and the sadness that he won't be there is painful. You're correct, in that the pain isn't as intense, but that depends upon the day. I was thinking about this earlier today before I read your post, and I have come to realize that it's not that I'm used to his death as much as I'm getting used to his no longer being present in body. Living alone isn't as scary as it was 18 months ago, but I still have bad days. I don't expect the sadness to end completely, because a big piece of my heart and soul went with him. You will find solace in other ways, in time. Just allow yourself to feel what you feel right now.

[widower]

I'm sorry for you both. I'm still in the "months" stage and not much better than I was at the start really. For a long time it was just searing anguish and much of that is still there - but, I think, slowly but surely I'm inching towards less of that and more of a "normal" life, or as normal as can be expected. The hard part is allowing myself that. Allowing myself to not feel anguish all the time as I think maybe I should etc.

[Lina]

I am so sorry....*hugs* I am scared the future...I am still mostly numb with moments of piercing grief. I am scared of the moment when this all feels real. I am also greatly comforted by the idea of the afterlife. I have to believe we will see our beloveds again...it is what gives me hope and strength right now.

[kayc]

My heart goes out to all of you.

wmjsca, Congratulations on your graduation! Please keep us posted...

Mik, I remember when you first posted, you may not realize it but you've progressed a great deal. Sometimes it's hard to see when we're in it. Really, that goes for each of you.

I never thought I'd survive the first week, yet here it's been almost seven years. The one thing we can count on is that time passes. Sometimes it doesn't seem to quickly enough, but we don't want to wish it away, we might miss something important. It will get better for all of you...not like before, but better than the beginning of this journey.