Paul57 Posted June 8, 2012 Report Share Posted June 8, 2012 I still am having such a hard time..... I met Lynne when we were 14 and 15. We were inseparable and grew up together. we married young and were so happy. Children came fast and I worked countless hours making a good home financially for us. We raised four great children and put the bulk of our together plans off for later in life. We had made it ! our last was a junior in college and we began to plan our fun. At 48 she was diagnosed with a very aggressive breast cancer, I sold everything to focus on her. we fought the cancer for three years, surgeries chemos radiations, I never missed a meeting or treatment. multiple hospitals and treatments. Almost every week for three years, I could not bare the thought of anyone caring for her but me. So I was the advocate caregiver and husband. On my birthday in 2010 my love went into a coma and passed away the next day. I was distraught....I have alway been a rock with solid conviction and direction. After 6 months the loneliness was so great I started a number of short relationships. That was not working after 6 or 8 I wanted something stable. And I met a great girl who ironically runs several hospitals cancer departments. We had been seeing each other for almost a year and she had to transfer to the east coast. I broke it off for the most part because I don't think I properly finished greaving Lynne and I am stuck I can't move forward or any direction. I am lacking my direction and confidence. I always have a sinking feeling I want my old life but I know that is not reality. And I have managed to really hurt a great woman who is really in love with me. My children are really helping and at 54 I have 8 grandchildren.....Lynne and I were married for 33 years.... I just needed to express this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 8, 2012 Report Share Posted June 8, 2012 Dear Paul, I am so sorry for your loss. You have come to the right place. You will find all of us accepting, helpful, supportive and ready to listen and never judge as you continue your grief work. You are wise to want to continue your journey and complete it as much as anyone completes a grief process. I believe we grieve forever as we also go forward with our lives. Grief accompanies us on our paths. I am sure it was difficult to say good-bye to the woman who moved to the east coast. One never knows if paths will cross again but I am a believer that if two people belong together, the universe is not powerful enough to keep them apart. Right now, you are wise to work on your grief. All of us will assist. Just keep posting. Peace, Mary PS My husband, Bill, died 2years and 2 months ago. He was my best friend, soul mate, and so much more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 Paul, I feel for your loss. My wife Celene passed 4 days after my birthday, 3 before her 41st. It has been just over 7 months (8 months tomorrow) since she has been gone. It was a couple of months ago when I really began longing for the company that a relationship brings, although another part of me said it just didn't feel right at this time. I think I would only be trying to find another Celene and I know that is not possible. I need to get to a point that allows me to enjoy the relationship of another person for the person they are, not for the person I miss. Prayers and compassion - Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 9, 2012 Report Share Posted June 9, 2012 Paul, I am sorry you lost your wife, cancer is so hard! I'm also sorry about this relationship ending, but there is no way to avoid dealing with our grief, we can try to keep busy and fill our lives but it's still there waiting for us. You have found a very good site with some wonderful caring people here. Who knows what tomorrow holds, it's always possible you two might find your way back to each other, but right now, it sounds like you still have some grieving to address. Have you tried a grief counselor? I think it helps to express one's feelings and not keep it bottled up. When you think of it, from time to time, perhaps you could write a letter to your wife, I keep one on my computer for George, just drop a line telling her what's going on in your life, your feelings, how you miss her, whatever comes to mind, maybe even share things about kids and grandkids. We're here to listen and care... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lina Posted June 10, 2012 Report Share Posted June 10, 2012 I understand...I would give anything to have Arthur and our life together back. We were incredibly happy and it seems horribly unfair that our life together ended so soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul57 Posted June 11, 2012 Author Report Share Posted June 11, 2012 Thank you for the kind thoughts and comments. I am so looking for a way to help deal with my pain. Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANC1117 Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Paul, It had been several months since my wife passed and I it wasn't until recently that I found this group. This group welcomed me and has given me a place I can share my good, along with bad, moment. I hope you find this group helpful as well. Anthony Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 13, 2012 Report Share Posted June 13, 2012 Paul, If you find that way, let us know, okay? For me, I got a dog...not just any dog, but a very special dog. I have always been a dog lover and have had many in my life, but I am closest to this one. Perhaps it's the time in my life, since I'm alone now, but I think a big part of it is his unique personality. He's so goofy and fun and funny! And he's very loving, very interactive. He takes my mind off of things and helps me live in the present...animals are good at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted June 17, 2012 Report Share Posted June 17, 2012 Dear Paul, First of all I am so sorry for your lose. That is what brings all of us to this wonderful site. I also lost the LOVE of MY LIFE, after 33. She had a very long illness. It Pains me so much to see so many new people just keep coming. The positive thing is, this can be a great healing place as well. It has been for me. As far as your lose of a relationship after your wife's passing, men do this a lot, the need to have another woman in our lives are very normal. Do they work out, as you see not always. I have had no feelings what so ever to get right back into another relationship at all. My focus has been, on rebuilding my life, starting over, a brand new career. At age 57 it was scary, but I have, faith. I never feel alone. I know I am the exception to all the others out there, but I have found my wife's spirit is a live and well inside of me, and for now that is all I need. Do I still shed tears for her, you bet I do. I did just yesterday, talking about our life we had with some people who never knew her, and the tears flowed like water falls. We all travel our own grief path different than others do. I really hope you can find the peace, and not feel lonely when you are by yourself, the way I have been able to. We have so much more to offer others in life as we travel down our path. God Bless, Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeAnneD Posted June 19, 2012 Report Share Posted June 19, 2012 I am so sorry for your loses. I am happy to see men here talking about these terrible tragic times. I think it takes a while to find someone else to have any kind of relationship with where you don't compare to your longtime love. They can never ever be replaced, and trying too early, I would imagine, would be an impossible task not to compare. For me, I just want people I can go hang out and do fun things with. I joined a meetup group for photography (there seems to be a millon different ones all over the country)and that helps a little. DeAnne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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