Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Losing My Best Friend


Recommended Posts

It's been 2 years and 3 months since my best friend was taken away from me and I finally think I'm ready to let everything I have been trying to hold in out. My best friend, at 18, was in a tragic accident one evening and the next morning my mom had to tell me that she wasn't with us anymore. I never felt so horrible in my life, so many things were going through my head and I didn't have the slightest clue how to deal. The worst part was not being able to say goodbye or tell her I loved her once more before she was gone, she was gone before I knew it and that's only made this journey so much harder. We had known each other our whole lives, at just three months she was one of my first visitors once I was born and from that day our friendship started growing. We did everything together growing up and even when we were just 5 I knew she would be the friend that I could always count on and lean on. With the amount of time spent together and all the crazy memories we made in the process of becoming friends, we became sisters as well. And now with her gone I don't know who I am without her or how to get through this mess I feel like my life has become. For the first two years I tried to ignore and avoid what I was going through and push aside my emotions. Starting university two months after losing her defiantly hasn't helped one bit, needed to be around the ones I loved at the toughest times but not going to school didn't seem to be an option, I was going. I still sit and wish on stars that she is going to be the next person that texts me and is showing up for a surprise visit. I just want her back more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life, want back the other half to who I am as an individual, the one who I share all my interest with. But because I can't have her back, I don't know what to do, I push friends who are trying to help me away, get mad at others for crazy reasons, give up on things that we loved because if I'm not doing them with her I don't want to be doing them at all. Ive been told that sharing my story will help, will make me feel a bit better but all I'm feeling as I write this is pain and a lot of it. I miss my best friend more than any words could explain

Lost Since 2010

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Oh honey - I am so sorry. Unfortunately, we all grieve differently and it just takes time. There's no easy or fast cure for getting over a loved one. Small steps in moving forward and find ways to remember her. I always suggest that those that have lost someone they love to read The Shack. It helped me with the loss of my grandmother five years later. I still miss her but I feel a little more at peace.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sorry for your loss that your best friend is not here. I lost mine 3 years ago. But I had been given the strength by her to never buckle down and drew on that faith that my best friend will remain my best friend always. Look up to the sky and keep your head high and you will hear her. You will find her in different ways when you open up your heart to let all the emotions fill in.

Take care,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

My friend, I did not see your post until just now, and for that I do apologize ~ Unfortunately that does happen sometimes, even though I do my best to read each and every message that is posted on our site.

That said, I have some thoughts I'd like to share with you.

I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your best friend. You say that even though this death happened more than two years ago, you think you're finally ready to let everything out that you've been trying to hold in for so long. I'm not sure what's going on in your life right now that would explain your readiness ~ but it could be that you're close to experiencing some sort of "hallmark event" in your life, so that you're more acutely aware of your best friend's absence. I also don't know who told you that sharing your story will help ~ but I hope that you will take that good advice to heart, even though I know it hurts to feel the pain. It hurts because you are finally allowing yourself to face what you've worked so hard to avoid all this time: the reality of this loss.

You have just discovered one of the most important lessons in grief. If you don't give it the attention it demands at the time of your loss, your grief doesn't get resolved -- it simply goes underground and waits for you to take care of it. And sooner or later, out it comes, just as if the loss had happened yesterday. One of the greatest myths about grief is that the day will come when we "get over it." Don't believe it. Grief is a normal reaction to a significant loss, and it's something we all get through and learn to live with,but we never, ever get over it. And there is no time frame for grief. I always think of the line in the song Sammy Davis, Jr. used to sing about Mr. Bo Jangles, whose little dog "up and died" and "after twenty years he still grieves."

The fact that you're feeling sorrow over the loss of your best friend now doesn't necessarily mean that you haven't made any progress in your grief journey. You're in your early 20's now, but as you grow and develop through the years, your grief will change. It will change you as well, influencing who you are in the present and affecting who you'll become in the future. This death of this important person -- your very best friend -- must be worked through,adapted to, and integrated into your life repeatedly, as different situations and developmental milestones will require you to accommodate this loss of her again and again. You will re-visit your friend's death continually as you grapple with its meaning— emotionally, socially, spiritually— and as you struggle to find a place for her in your present and future life.

As I've said elsewhere in these forums, grief produces all kinds of conflicting feelings, most commonly those of anger and guilt -- which over time can become quite distorted, unless we share them with someone else (a trusted friend, a relative, a clergy person, fellow grievers in a support group, a grief counselor). Feelings exposed to the light of day can be acknowledged, examined,evaluated, worked through and resolved. Feelings that are stuffed just sit there and fester, making us feel miserable, crazy, sick and alone. You may have heard that "time will heal all wounds" but I'm sure you've learned by now, more than two years after losing your best friend, that the passage of time doesn't do anything to heal your grief – time is neutral. It's what you do with the time that matters.

Grieving successfully requires the hard work of confronting, expressing and working through the pain of your loss. The good news is that it is never too late to do the work of mourning. That's because unresolved grief doesn't go anywhere – it just lies there waiting for us to deal with it –and when the pain of grief keeps coming up for us despite our efforts to ignore it, we are wise to pay it the attention it demands.

So I strongly encourage you to find someone to talk to, my dear— someone who respects the relationship you had with your friend and who knows something about the normal grieving process. You might call your local hospice, mortuary or church to see if there is a grief support group offered in your community,or check with your university's student health center to see what grief supportservices might be available on your campus. (See, for example, NationalStudents of AMF.) Read all you can about grief to learn what is normal and what you can do to manage your own reactions (for examples, see my Grief Healing Website's Articles ~ Columns ~ Bookspage. Find and read some of the wonderful stories written by others whose friends have died (see the sites listed on my site's Death of a Friend page; this will help you see that you are not alone, and will give you the hope that if others managed to get through it, then somehow you will find your own way, too. See also my Comfort for Grieving Hearts page to read what others have to say about this experience. Grieving is very hard work, but you don't have to be doing it all alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


I am sorry, sometimes the things that happen in life really suck. I lost my husband/best friend 7 1/2 years ago and have learned to do the time without him, but will never stop missing him and nothing can ever replace him or fill that void. Perhaps you can let your newer friends know why it is you sometimes push them away or seem angry, so they can understand? We are complicated creatures sometimes, it is the grief that makes you respond as you do...angry that it is not your friend that is there. Sometimes we don't get consulted about major things that happen in our lives that affect us...it has helped me by trying to restore that lost power in ways that I can (diet, exercise, etc.)...it may seem insignificant, but anything that can lend voice to me is of help.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 years later...


I am sorry for your loss, just five weeks out, that is very fresh. I hope you will continue to come here, perhaps start your own thread so people will know there's someone new here and respond.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...