Transformations On This Path

[enna]

Arsenic and Old Lace with a very handsome guy! A film I happen to like.

Sending you a special hug as you relax during these hours.

I am so glad that you are not allowing 'nastiness' to infect you. Anne

[feralfae]

I am late getting here and most of you are probably already asleep. At least I hope so. It is still about 88F here. Too hot to go to sleep until I am exhausted. Hoping to achieve that state, I went for a bit of a walk, watched part of 'Arsenic' while I did some weights, and then took a nice long shower, but I am still feeling sticky from the walk.

It is just darned hot. I am hoping it will cool off and we will get some rain. Things are getting dry again, and I am trickle watering the fruit trees and even the junipers.

Dear Mary, I doubt that you have done anything rude, inappropriate, or infra dig in your entire life. It just is not in you. {{{hugs}}}

I could feel some of the anger leaving my solar plexus today as I walked and laughed at the dear Aunts and Teddy. The Aunts remind me of two of my dear old bachelor uncles who lived in a big old family home, and had so many old, huge grandfather clocks and old wind-up clocks, that sleeping over at their house meant wearing earplugs. And I swear the house reverberated on the hour! But as far as I know, there were no bodies in the basement.

Tomorrow, the Godsons (hereinafter boys) will not be coming as planned, because the eldest was accidentally shocked something fierce at his part time job, when an exposed live wire came into contact with his arm as he was helping with a remodel job. So I will get up early and go pick up the tractor tires, go to the post office, run a few errands, then put the tires on, mow for a while until the day heats up, and then I am going to thoroughly clean the car.

Before I left, I had packed up some irreplaceable things that have sweet memories just in case the ruffians were about, and I stored them. Today, I brought the boxes with the old brass candlesticks, stuff like that, Great Aunt Willa's candy bowl, all those old family things, to home.The house feels a little friendlier with these things from the women of the family around me.

Tomorrow night, I hope to figure out again how to download photos here.

I hope everyone is finding a cool spot, or at least a spot of exactly the temperature you desire. I am going to make some iced Evening in Missoula tea.

I know I have been doing a lot of nattering lately. I am keeping myself fairly isolated, so this Tribe is a lot of my company right now. I love you all, and wish you were here to sit outside, listen to the nighthawks, and sip iced tea with me this slowly cooling evening, dear ones.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Well, fae, you are not as late as I am. Could not sleep-tossing and turning from so much sharing of so much deep stuff today-with my friend--- so got up and on the way to a chair, I either lost my balance or tripped on what? and as I caught myself, (ouch) I knocked over some candles that were on my coffee table. They were in glass things...3 of them and the glass also filled with pebbles and since the coffee table is marble it all broke into smithereens so I just spent an hour or so picking pieces of glass out of the carpet and stones and vacuuming as I herded Bentley out of the area, got some slippers on...yes, I am still doing bare feet... so he did not step in the glass. Well, that woke me up...so now at 2am I am wide awake. Just glad no real harm was done.

fae, I thank thee but I am positive I have done rude and inappropriate things in my life...you know that song, "It's in every one of us..."

http://exopermaculture.com/2012/05/25/video-its-in-every-one-of-us-to-be-wise-find-your-heart-open-up-both-your-eyes/ (lyrics below) It is one of my favorites and used to start the Dances of Universal Peace...sufi. I bet you know it. This site has a ton of neat links...I like this one and I apologize, there is a tiny portion...a song..with some language in it.

http://exopermaculture.com/2013/07/05/brother-can-you-spare-a-paradigm/

Bill has (had) a grandfather clock that he actually designed and built...it is elegant. He even made the metal turnings. The guts right now are out at an Amish farm where a clockmaker is repairing and cleaning them. I also have a grandmother clock that my dad built, a ship's chronometer, a regulator clock and a handmade skeleton clock with a hand blown glass globe that is 200 years old and was actually stolen when our house was burglarized many years ago...the clock was all we retrieved. If they are all running, which I disallow, you can hear my house for blocks. These are the remains of Bill's antique clock collection, he having sold about 30 of them. They are beautiful and I can appreciate your uncles' clocks and the sounds that kept you awake. I am glad you are now surrounded by treasures.

fae, regarding tomorrow....I dare say that getting tires, putting them on, doing errands and mowing sounds like more than enough without cleaning the car I am just reminding you the way you and others here have so kindly reminded me to slow down especially in the heat...and now that I am listening...I need to preach your message. Nothing like a reformed "doer".

To upload pictures to this site...I think that is what you want to do....click on "More reply options" on bottom right of box, then you see a place to ad pictures. If you then put the cursor IN the reply box, you can add those photos to the post itself rather than having them outside the box. Let me know if that is not clear.

Natter away, fae...it is why we are here. Tomorrow is my day of rest. I have had two 3 hours breakfast/lunches this week and other things so tomorrow is my day off. Even small things like my fall tonight and broken glass everywhere...the first thing I want to do is wake Bill up (were he sleeping) and tell him what happened. I wonder if that will ever NOT be my first reaction to so many things...and one that frequently...not always now...results in tears. A habit of many years that flows from such deep love and oneness does not die as easily as we do.

peace

Mary

Songwriters: POMERANZ, DAVID

It's in every one of us to be wise
Find your heart
And open up both your eyes
We can all know every thing
Without ever knowing why
It's in every one of us by and by

It's in every one of us
Find your heart
And open up both your eyes
We can all know every thing
Without ever knowing why
It's in every one of us by and by

It's in every one of us
I just remembered
It's like I've been sleeping for years
I'm not awake as I can be
But my seeing's better
I can see through the tears

I've been realizing that
I bought this ticket
And watching only half of the show
But there's scenery and lights
And a cast of thousands
Who all know what I know
And it's good that it's so

It's in every one of us to be wise
Find your heart
And open up both your eyes
We can all know every thing
Without ever knowing why
It's in every one of us by and by


It's in every one of us by and by

[kayc]

Mary, I have a lot of catching up reading to do (you all were busy here last night!) but I just had to tell you how much it made me chuckle to learn you had "salad circle", ha! That is so funny! I swear you have something for everything imaginable...yet call yourself a hermit, ha! I'm still laughing....

Okay, on to read the rest of everyone's posts...ha ha...

[kayc]

Last night I watched a movie "Identity Theft"...there were some parts in it that were much too crude to recommend it to anyone, but still, it made me laugh. There was one scene in there (after the snake scene) where she's beating him with fire, and I swear, I almost died laughing. (I swear the poor guy has my kind of luck.) Even thinking about it today cracks me up! A scene I won't forget for a long while.

And the thought occurred to me how great it is to really belly laugh! How wonderful it is to watch a comedy and really laugh! It's very restorative.

[feralfae]

You are all so dear to me.

{{{hugs}}}

I got up early, went to town, and did a bunch of errands, brought the mower tires home and got them put on (!) by myself, and now have grease under my nails, but "fighting" to get the tires on the tractor and trailer in the hot sun has sent me inside. And I have had very little sleep. I cried most of the night, with relief and longing both. I miss Doug so sometimes, and I know he is proud of me for standing up for myself. I just hate messes like this with such horrid people. As someone told me, "If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas" and I have been trying to avoid the fleas. I am crying right now, as a matter of fact.

It finally hit me last night that I may be completely through with the ruffians, and that I may now be able to simply grieve and mourn the leaving of my Most Magnificent and Wonderful and Dear Husband Doug. It may be a time when I can finally let down my guard and feel safe in my own home, life, skin, and tears. Up until now, because the attacks began before Doug had left, I have been in a state of warfare, albeit largely from, rather than to, the self-declared enemy.

I know some of you have gone through similar things. To be attacked as one's Beloved is leaving, while one is so weak, vulnerable, and in my case, also in great physical distress, is beyond the bounds of all human action that can be considered normal, kind, polite, acceptable, or familial. When it comes as a huge "tag team" of one branch of the family, it is overwhelming. I have been so overwhelmed.

Because they are a family of people who need to always "be right" I know that they may try to sue me or something worse, because that is just the way they are, and they are very angry that Doug provided for me prior to his leaving. He even made sure to send extra signatures to the banks and brokers, so that the family could not set aside what he had done. But they are very, very angry, because some of them had already spent the money they were hoping to get when he died. Funny thing: I have not touched a penny of it, because he told me not to touch it for two years, except if I needed to pay medical bills, and I have scraped the funds together for those bills without touching any of what he provided.

Mary, you are so right, it is only today, after giving myself a space of peace and rest yesterday, that the shock and trauma of this latest attack is soaking in. On our Caring Bridge Site, no less! How rude can people be? I had ask for final, loving comments from people, prior to closing the site, and instead, I got attacked with nasty snarky-ness.

Oh, well, there is nothing legal they can do, and if they come over here again, I will be ready for them this time. I talked to the sheriff some time ago, and got instructions, and if I call the sheriff, they will roust a couple of deputies who live in my area, and have them come right over to claim the bodies (sheriff's words, not mine) that have fallen in the house. I hate living in such a drama. I am a fairly quiet, peaceful person, who lives rather simply, enjoys a good reputation, and takes care of her obligations. I have paid all Doug's medical bills. I have not talked publicly about this entire matter, but since they brought it up publicly, I did not mince words. Well, maybe a little, since I did not call her a B***h in public (not a word I use, anyway), and that would be an insult to many lovely female dogs who are friends of mine.

I know I am nattering. I feel worse today than I have since this latest attack began. They are so thoroughly horrid and nasty. How do people like that have any friends? Argh! I must go do somethings to let go of this feeling of sickness, anger, and fear. They are simply awful people.

Mary, two words: shoes and sleep. I am going to go follow your links now.

*<twinkles>*, albeit a bit dim today.

fae

[MartyT]

Fae, my dear, as difficult as all of this has been for you, and as bad as we all feel for you, I must tell you that you've certainly NOT lost your sense of humor, as it comes through so clearly in your beautiful writing . I'm hoping it does as much to lift your mood as it is doing for all of us ♥

[mfh]

fae, how wonderful if those ruffians are out of your life forever....I surely hope so. I am so sorry you were up most of the night crying. I hope you do what I am doing today...after also being up most of the night cleaning up glass and take some naps and stay cool.

Welcome back, Marty! Hoping you had some nice relaxing times. I know we all missed you. The counselors who were here were warm and loving and helpful.

Peace

mary

[MartyT]

Thank you, Mary ~ I think I'm all caught up on my reading posts now, and I so appreciate all of you taking such good care of one another. Now, about those bare feet . . .

[mfh]

You had a lot of reading to get caught up on...we are a verbal bunch.

I do have slippers on right now...how long they will stay on is another question

Mary

[kayc]

fae,

Every day further out from those ruffians is better indeed!

[feralfae]

Oh, Joy!
I feel very accomplished!

Not only are the tires put and the mower working, but I have mowed the firebreak on one side of the house, and it is cooler today, and it may rain. A small part of the yard is also mowed. Now I can mow a little, maybe an hour, every day.

Tomorrow, I am going in for a massage and a facial, and then to have coffee at the Holter Art Museum with my friend Jenny. I am taking a day off from exercise to let my poor shin splints heal. Too much walking and jogging again last evening, I think.

Mary, I hope you have on shoes, or at least slippers. We keep telling you about this ..... remember?

Anne, I am looking around for a report from you on the meeting today.

Kay, you are still at work.

Queenie Mary is no doubt playing with the corgis.

Jan is asleep.

Harry is arranging something, or resting.

Marty is back, and among us, we managed to keep the fire going.

Chris is staying with us, and I am glad of that.

There are some other new people I have not had time to get to know yet.

And Shannon is in a holding pattern, with the bone marrow transplant coming soon.

I know I forgot some people, too.

I am truly pampering myself this afternoon, with Emergen-C electrolyte drinks, a Madeleine L'Engle book, Many Waters, and not answering the phone unless I want to talk to the person. I tend to go back to Madeline L or Joseph Campbell when I need to find my bearings again.

A dear friend who reads CB called to point out that my example of a person not addicted to greed may help some of those who have allowed themselves to be manipulated by greed. I don't know, but I suppose it is rare that anyone walks away from a Trust Fund so they can avoid the ruffians. But either our spirits are for sale, or they are not. And I think everyone here knows exactly what I mean by that statement. This is a great fire, a great Tribe.

I love how Mary and Bill worked fewer days, played more days, and thus had a simpler, happier, richer life. Of course, I have known some pretty passionate doctors who work all the time, but it is their passion. Mary and Bill took their passions, and found ways to balance them, working and playing together. Very cool. We did the same thing, between writing, climbing, ice towers, art, and travel. I used Doug's tools today to put the tires on, to tighten two nuts, and to charge the tractor battery. I even used spray lubricant. I feel most accomplished, and I think Doug is very proud of me.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

fae, I am delighted to know you are going for a massage. I have had two in the past two weeks and I have one scheduled the day I leave for my surgery. She will do some Reiki also.

Yes, Bill and I did 20 hours each of therapy a week. He was, previous to me in his life, doing 50 hours and seeing patients on rounds at 3 hospitals. One way to escape pain, he said. When we got together we agreed to cut our income and have time. Now we also renovated a house which in hindsight I would have done but much more modest renovations...we traveled some, rode bikes, hiked, meditated, etc. I am so glad we did. He and I both worked hard all our lives. I will continue to do that which now means cutting back on spending a lot but having time to be...and since I am half hermit now thanks to all you guys...I don't have to spend as much.

I love to hear about you pampering yourself. We all need to do that. ALL of us.

Mary

[feralfae]

Dear Mary,

Shoes, please!

Okay, now that that is out of the way, I am feeling better. It is going to take more time to lift this fear and dark cloud that the ruffians left around here, but I will get there. I have had all the locks changed, the sheriff is on notice, and the neighbors are on alert. I went to sleep early last night, so no photos posted yet.

I am leaving soon to go run a couple of errands, pick up some things, and then go for my massage and facial. Then I will visit a friend and maybe another friend. I have great plans to begin to get my life back, and I may go birding tomorrow, or drive over to visit yet another friend in another town. I have hung the small framed image of the first hand-painted card I ever sent to Doug, which he had framed and hung in his office in Fairbanks. Now it hangs in our living room here.

It rained a lot last night, for which I am happy, but it means I will not be mowing today. That is just fine with me.

Mary, I am going to try to schedule one pampering thing for myself each week. I truly do think we ALL need that. Some weeks, it may be only a lovely, long, lingering bubble bath and a simple home pedicure, but it will be an hour or three devoted just to taking care of me. That is the plan.

I am walking with you through these days as you prepare emotionally for your eye repair. Keep visualizing those happy healthy eyes! (Ha! that was a good play on words.) Give Bentley a head scratch from me please, and a long hug for you {{{hug}}} as well.

Okay, ALL of us, go pamper yourselves for at least a half hour as soon as you can!

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

Dear fae,

I just can't do shoes or slippers...try as I may...I love bare feet and have done bare feet all my life...I do have the bathroom covered so I don't slip there. I have a mat in the tub, a slip proof bath mat that I put down, and from that I can step onto another rug in front of the sink...by that time my feet are slip proof I do promise, folks, to be careful. Falling the other night was a reminder but that seemed to be either balance or I was not awake enough.

;if

After 10 hours sleep I woke up feeling much better...and got so involved with how much better I felt that I was blindsided when "life's stuff" hit me smack on the side of the head. (eye surgery, loss of Bill, etc) So now I am planning my day and weekend so I don't sit here being fearful and tearful all weekend. Lined up some projects I have tried to get to and will repaint my latest painting...tossed one repaint out (which I am told never to do) and started again I need to include at least one social event, lunch or something with someone real..even a Costco run

I feel since Bill died that I live in that rabbit hole so well described by Karen and every attempt to climb out ends with me falling back in....it is a strange world down there. Things look so different and are so different. Eye surgery, e.g. looks different down there than it did before Bill died. Lonelier for sure, and I feel more vulnerable. I need to get a kennel reservation made for Bentley...and soon start thinking about what I need to take with me and get some special prescriptions filled that the MD gave me.

I guess when we fall back into the rabbit hole, the dirt that falls in with us starts to pile up and eventually the hole might almost disappear and we will stand on the hole rather than in it. But the world we will return to looks different for sure...I see it for a while almost every day now...sometimes for a few days before falling back into the hole...but it is a new world...a new me...that will complete this journey called life. I started painting that concept about six months ago and worked on it again this week. One of these days I will actually finish something I start....

Mary

[kayc]

fae,

Yes it is rare for someone to walk away from a trust fund to avoid the ruffians, but then again, that is their purpose, trying to wear you down so you will do just that. The fighter in me says not to let them but then I did just that with my kids' dad in our divorce...they wear you down emotionally so they can have whatever they want. it's a cruel thing to do to someone who is at their most vulnerable. At the time, I just wanted peace and away from it all, I couldn't handle any more. I'm paying for it now (financially). If one can afford to walk away, I'd say it's okay to do that.

[feralfae]

Dear Kay,

I am sure you felt this same way:

It is not worth my spiritual health and my emotional stability to be involved with people who would be so cruel to someone who has just lost her husband. Truly, even if were millions of dollars, I could not do this to myself. I would be forced to interact with a miserably greedy, dishonest, and entirely sociopathic set of characters. Not all the family, but certainly the ones who hold sway and influence the rest with their greed and fear.

If they wore me down, it was a good wearing, for it lifted any veils from my eyes about the money, and left me with my soul and heart intact and safe from them. Doug had told me to have no dealings with them, and his words hold their meaning. They are a most reprehensible bunch.

Nothing is worth that. I have left huge contractual obligations, and returned any retainers, rather than deal with wealth that was polluted with drugs, theft, on one occasion murder, and with other horrible things. I have often been solicited to assist large international corporations or businesses, and now, I only take clients by referral from existing clients, and never over the transom. I have no reason to upset my own karma and spiritual journey by allowing people such as these into my life. I live simply, as you all know.

I can make it the rest of my life without the funds from such unfortunate ruffians. G*d has always taken care of me, and I truly do trust that the same G*d who brought Doug into my life to bring in all the good I need each day. My daily bread has always been provided. My cup, even when I may think it is empty, truly runneth over. I am overabundantly supplied with lovingkindness and all good things. And everyone at the spa is waiting for me to get there so they can all hug me.

Much Love and

*<twinkles>*

as I head out the door.

fafe

[mfh]

fae, I am with you. I do not believe and never have on selling my soul, selling out on my self for anything. The only person on this planet who will be and is able to be 100% true to my Self is me and my only chance of happiness lies in being true to Self. I capitalize it because I do believe that our true Self (Soul) is of God (or G*d as you put it so nicely). I believe that if i am true to that Self..me...all will work out.

So today I realized that it is day two of a four day stretch with no plans and that is too much for me right now. And as i mentioned I need to get something lined up. It maddens me, of course, that I even have to think this way. As with all of us, when Bill was alive we lived spontaneously and did not think about weekend plans until the weekend mornings. Now i know and have learned that I must plan ahead some and let go also. So today after deciding I need weekend plans, I was reading my emails and a friend wants to paint together so I emailed her. Not sure that will work out. Then the phone rang and another friend wants to go to Global View to watch some Buddhists do a sand painting...for a while and then lunch. So we nailed that down for late Sunday morning before it gets unbearably hot as Global View is hot...no AC. It is a three story structure on hundreds of acres. The owner, a friend, goes to and has gone to Indonesia annually and buys products directly from the natives making certain they get fair prices for their wares. She then ships back two semi trucks full of stuff that is awesome and over the year sells it and then returns. Invited me to go with her sometime but costly. She told me recently that she is now buying from the grandchildren of original people. Then the phone rang again and my artist friend who painted Bill's portrait has moved to town and wants to do lunch today. So now I have ONE thing planned for each day starting today through Sunday and I need that as hermit life needs a break especially on weekends...when I am quite anxious and missing Bill so much...all related to my vulnerability regarding surgery...which is fast approaching.

I do love and always have loved how the "universe" (for lack of a better word) responds almost instantly in some cases to what i need. I put it out there and voila...done. Such a lesson to just live in trust and be true to ourselves.

[kayc]

I know neither of you would compromise yourselves for money, that sure wasn't my inference! I just hate to see someone steal from you by wearing you down, but if you can live without whatever they're taking and it means peace in your life, I agree, it's worth it. In my case I have been stolen from and it's cost me dearly, it's meant struggles in my later life that I shouldn't have had to bear.

fae, so glad you're headed to the spa!

And Mary, watching the buddhist do a sand painting sounds fun! You do have fun with life, don't you!

[mfh]

I know neither of you would compromise yourselves for money, that sure wasn't my inference! I just hate to see someone steal from you by wearing you down, but if you can live without whatever they're taking and it means peace in your life, I agree, it's worth it. In my case I have been stolen from and it's cost me dearly, it's meant struggles in my later life that I shouldn't have had to bear.

fae, so glad you're headed to the spa!

And Mary, watching the buddhist do a sand painting sounds fun! You do have fun with life, don't you!

Kay, I do believe there are times in life where we must cut our losses. I have seen it many times with clients in a nasty divorce...at some point one of the two just surrenders as life is not worth it. And yes, I appreciate that later it can be costly...like now for you. I am sorry that all happened.

I have seen the Buddhists monks do sand paintings before and the symbolism is powerful...spending hours and hours on something so temporary...sort of like a concert...once over the music is gone until played again. Yes, I am blessed to live in an area where fascinating things are going on and for free in many instances. It is an unusual area and except for the beauty of nature, the village is not much to look at...just a Wisconsin village...but what goes on in and around here and the people are what make it incredible. Not many Wisconsin small villages of 1300 people can claim Shakespeare, Frank Lloyd Wright, famous authors and artists and more....I am blessed.

[mfh]

fae, I do not know if your copy of Will You Dance (suggested by Marty last week or so) has arrived. Mine arrived today and just holding it in my hands was an experience. It is a lovely book and the art work is...watercolor which I love...delicate...inspiring...and so much more. How does one use words to describe art? If we could do that, there would be no need for art. The book is so moving. I actually read it in an hour or less. I did not time it but it was not long. And I read it out loud. It is a story and somehow stories are always better for me if I read them out loud. Bentley sat at my feet as I did so and when the book moved me to tears he stood and stared at me with his deep brown eyes...as if to ask what he could do.

And the book did move me to tears often...tears resulting from pain, yes but also tears resulting from being move deeply...I do not know what we call those tears. Not tears of joy or tears of anything I can put into words. When your copy comes, do let me know.

I can't recommend this book enough and thank you, Marty, for sharing its title. I welcome any other titles of books like this that you have in that massive library of yours. This is not only a keeper but I plan to read it again and again because it takes that to digest its message...I know that. The first reading is just scratching the surface. I also see myself sharing it with some folks as gifts...folks open to seeing what this little book so beautifully states.

I am left speechless and after dinner, I will pick it up again and then tomorrow and tomorrow and....

Thank you,

Mary

[kayc]

Mary,

Have you tried "slides", an alternative to shoes/sandals? It'd protect your feet and support them without making them feel enclosed. I love them! I can't wear flip flops/thongs, but I love slides...no toes, no backs, no buckles, just slip on/off.

[feralfae]

Hi Mary,

I have not received my copy, but I will now most certainly check first thing when I go to town to run errands tomorrow.

Great day of massage, facial. While she was massaging my neck and shoulders, I broke into tears, and she asked me if my "Throat Chakra was opening again?" Ha! I guess it is: I have for the first time gone public with a retort to the ruffians. I could not have done so without the support of all of you here. And now others are posting support for me on CB as well. I am wonderfully blessed. My cup runneth over. "Thou preparest a table ... "

I'm working my way through Many Waters, garnering such messages as,

"I am in the service of the Maker of the Universe."

"It was not easy to get you to believe in Unicorns until the need was desperate."

"When I am in the scarab beetle [or human embodiment], I must accept its limitations."

Many insights today. I'm letting them soak in this evening.

Last night, I dreamed that I was off the bench, and being fitted with a totally cool pair of very beautiful and sparkling new wings. I needed to talk with Jenny about it today. This is a continuing dream of many nights, the first dream was when I met "the new me" who bowed deeply to me, and so did I to her, and she kept bowing, until I asked her to tell me her name, and she told me her name was Astra, and she had the most beautiful wings.

This is a very nice series of messages I am getting. I do not feel this was a "death message" but, rather, a "life message" that I am ready to come off the bench and be back on the team. A new game. Some darling friends are going to look for a house (with a studio) in town for me. Mostly studio. I may go do a residency at the Bray for a while, which would be good all the way around, sort of win-win-win.

So, it has been a very good day, I am having yogurt curry and rice for dinner, and a glass of that same bottle of wine.

Tomorrow, I may go look for birds. I know where the Sandhills nest up on the Front Range.

Much love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[mfh]

I understand soaking...

[feralfae]

You can probably tell by all the smiley faces that it has been a very good day.

fae