How Can Feelings Change So Fast?

[Guest babylady]

yesterday i was feeling a bit more positive. even thought about maybe painting a wall a different color. today i woke up with a panic attack again. the whole day has been awful. i'm tired. IBS is acting up and i can't stop crying. is it normal for emotions to change so quickly?

[mfh]

Emotions can switch gears instantly...that is my experience. Seeing something can be a trigger that sends one into tears...I can be going on doing well and wham! Less now than early on but it does happen and is normal. I am sorry you are having such a tough day. I tell myself, "This too shall pass." and it does help to remember that.

Peace

Mary

[Guest babylady]

thank you mary. i think it had a lot to do with not feeling well today. i just dozed off for a little while. i don't sleep well. i wake up every few hours. it's rare for me to sleep more than 3 hours straight. my mom always used to say "this too shall pass". another one was "i cried when i had no shoes until i saw a man who had no feet". i miss my mom too.

arlene

[mfh]

I think when we are tired or sick we are more vulnerable....today I was tired and scattered and the tears about my surgery flowed. Yesterday I was calm and quiet. Go figure. I do remember the quote about the man and shoes. Peaceful evening, Mary

[Guest babylady]

peaceful evening to you too mary.

hugs,

arlene

[HAP]

Dear Arlene,

Emotions really do turn on a dime. I felt great for several hours yesterday. Suddenly, about 10 p.m., I'm down in the dumps again. What you are feeling is completely normal.

You make a reference to IBS in your post. Have they figured out what is causing it? If they have not, keep looking until you get a real diagnosis. When a doctor says "you have IBS." what they mean is "there is something wrong somewhere in your digestive system but we do not know what it is." Keep them looking until they can tell you what the real problem is.

Peace,

Harry

[Guest babylady]

i have a megacolon. i was diagnosed around '77. gastroenterolotist said my colon should be in a 250 lb. man. i weighed 100 lbs at the time. had problems from the time i was a baby with constipation. docs couldn't figure it out. said i should eat more fiber.

i take aloe to keep things moving. sometimes i get nauseous until things move out.

i'm feeling a little better tonight.

arlene

[HAP]

Dear Arlene,

i get a bit paranoid about IBS because it was the first symptom of the NET cancer that killed my wife Jane. That first symptom was in 1980 and if they had kept looking until they found the cause of the problem she would still be here today. IBS often masks other issues as well.

I had real trouble sleeping more than three hours a night for a long time after Jane's death. A good night now is five to six hours of uninterrupted sleep followed by another couple hours if the dream that wakes me up is not overly disturbing. Again, insomnia is a normal thing I think we all have gone through. I still get hit with it periodically--last night for example.

Peace,

Harry

[feralfae]

Dear Arlene and Harry,

My hospice nurse put me on melatonin and St. John's Wort to help me sleep the last months of Doug's struggle. I am still taking both. I can sleep straight through three or four hours now, and that is a big improvement from the 1 or 2 hours at a time I was getting for the first year or so after Doug left. I have been 6 whole hours before I would wake up. Now I am down to two hours or less before I sort of startle into wakefulness, but I know it will get better soon. Right now, I have a couple of very dark circles under my eyes, and I am a bit shaky. But at least I am getting lots of little projects done in the middle of the night.

I don't want to recommend anything that might have bad effects for someone. But you might check with your health care provider or healer for some soothing and healing alternatives to corpharma. I think it is usual that when our beings are so upset with the loss, grief, pain, and other related matters that we do not sleep well. I am looking forward to being able to sleep 5 or 6 hours straight again very soon.

I was able to get a massage this morning, so I am off to no doubt fall asleep while being in a safe cocoon of caring and kindness from my masseuse. I highly recommend massages for anyone who is feeling their muscles pulling into little knots all over their body.

*<twinkles>*

fae

[melina]

I take melatonin for sleep too. It doesn't always work - but it depends on my state of mind. If I'm thinking a lot about the past or worrying about the future it's always hard to sleep.

Even after three years, it's hard to predict how I'll feel from day to day, or even hour to hour. I can feel fairly balanced one day and be crying and feeling depressed the next.

I can have an hour of feeling miserable and then feel a little better. I can't remember the last time I felt joyful, but I can feel somewhat optimistic now and then. I don't cry as much as I used to,

but when I do it can come out in floods.

I think it depends on what triggers certain feelings. So many things remind me of my husband - or rather the lack of him. Experiencing something I would have been experiencing with him,

or seeing other couples enjoying life together. It doesn't take much.

Having a medical condition often affects moods - having to struggle with illness alone is always difficult.

Melina

[feralfae]

Dear Melina,

Yes, having medical issues certainly adds to the struggling. So many here have medical issues. I have celiac, which can mimic IBS, and for years, the doctors could not figure it out. Now it is pretty well under control. I think that if we only had the medical issues to deal with, we could. Or if we had grief but were in perfect health, things would be easier. Not many of us are so fortunate, from what I read here. I am successfully learning to walk again after cauda equina. Your medical situation sounds as though it is maybe as under control as the doctors can figure out. I hope you are getting the best treatments, and that the symptoms are becoming less troublesome.

I hope you can find a few minutes of peace each day. And that you have some excellent meditations to do every day. ALl that you are going through has to be very hard for you. That you can reach out and be here with us is one of the best practices I can think of for you to do. It takes as long as it takes, but there will be moments of peace and contentment again in the future, and life will feel a little more balanced as well. I am so glad you have found this fire to share this journey with us.

Peace to you, and much love,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[KarenK]

If only we could control our thoughts and let only the pleasant ones surface, or perhaps shut them off for a while. Our worlds as we once knew them have been turned upside down. I, for one, cannot sleep until I am literally dizzy with exhaustion and then only in small increments. I have short, senseless dreams that jerk me awake. They are not nightmares, only frightening in that they make no sense at all. I suppose that's a reflection of the stress.

Try as I might, I cannot stifle the thought that I will forever be alone now. I don't want a new person. I want the old one back, minus his pain and suffering. I want to tell him the many things I might have failed to say, even over forty years. But that can't be and it leaves me filled with sadness.

I apologize for my negativity, but I am very tired right now.

Karen

[melina]

Hi Fae,

Thanks, but it's Arlene who is struggling with IBS. And I'm sorry to hear about both you and Arlene struggling with medical problems.

I hope things will get better.

Fortunately I'm not dealing with any medical illness. I have a slipped disc, which is annoying, but I feel lucky to be healthy - for now anyway.

If only I didn't have the grief....

Melina

[Guest babylady]

Karen -- you said it so well. that feeling of being forever alone scares me. we were supposed to grow old together. it really scares me because i don't have any family here and only 1 friend that i can depend on.

sometimes i can't believe john is gone. had to stop writing for a minute. felt like i was going to hyperventilate. it's like i want to wake up and find the last year and a half has been a nightmare.

a few months ago i was on the phone with my granddaughter and apparently i passed out. fortunately i was lying on the couch. i started to tell her something and i couldn't get the words out. next thing i know i'm saying "steph are you there"? don't know how long i was out. she said she kept calling me back and the line was busy. then howie and carolyn came in with their key. the alarm went off -- it was set for the night. steph called howie and fortunately they were home -- had just gotten back from a weekend in sedona. carolyn is a nurse and got me to drink some orange juice. it was one of those days when i didn't feel well -- i hadn't eaten much. howie said "we've got to get you checked out". i said "i'm not going to the hospital -- i'm okay". he called steph back and she said "tell her to call me". i said "tell her i'll call tomorrow -- it's late and she needs to get to sleep" (3 hour time difference). howie said "she's okay -- she's getting bossy again". they stayed with me for a while to make sure i was okay.

actually it wouldn't matter if i died -- my only concern would be leaving monkey. i put it in my will that if any thing happens to me he's to be euthanized immediately. he's not adoptable and i don't want him in a cage. i have a vet that comes to the house.

arlene

[feralfae]

Dear Arlene,

I am so sorry for my confusion. Sometimes, in my grief, I too confuse things. We will get through this, one day, one hour at a time. I went for a massage this morning, and about 5 minutes into her working on my back, I started sobbing and it went on even after I turned over.

I picked my mail and came home, and I am sitting here, trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with these envelopes and packages. I think I will declare myself in "days of confusion" and stop trying so hard to be alert and present. I am home for the day.

Arlene, I am gald you have another life in the house to take care of right now. And also, do as much as you can to take care of yourself. Go gently with your emotional storms. We learn to ride them out a bit more easily later on, but the going is very, very rough for you right now, and all I can think to say is to suggest that you take the best care possible of yourself in between the bouts of the hurricanes.

Blessings,

*<twinkles>*

fae

[Guest babylady]

dear fae -- i tend to confuse things too -- could be my age. i have a massage every 10 days or so but it's not relaxing. howie does therapeutic massage and it's very painful --- my muscles are always so tight. he comes to the house. i had a facial a few weeks ago and that was relaxing. planning on having another one in a week or so.

i have mail sitting in my kitchen for days that i haven't opened. not unusual. i know it's not important -- just bank statements, etc. haven't been out of the house since tuesday so the mailbox is probably full. it's 3/4 mile down the road.

i just forced myself to do a pilates workout. i have a pilates machine in the house. i'm going to take a shower and go out to eat at the chinese restaurant john and i used to go to. i ventured back there about 6 weeks ago. it's 26 miles round trip, but the food is good. i like the owners -- especially the waitress and it will get me out of the house for a few hours. will probably stop at the grocery store and pick up a few things too. i tend to do late lunches -- early dinners. i get up late so breakfast isn't until 10 or later. anyway i like eating in between lunch and dinner because the restaurants aren't crowded. john preferred that too.

hugs,

arlene

[kayc]

Arlene,

I too have IBS...I came down with it when I was married to John and he was cheating on me...it's as if my body knew it even before I did, but the IBS started at the same time as his cheating and I don't think that's a coincidence. I saw my doctor and he prescribed Nexium but I can't take it, had a reaction. I try to control it with diet but much more so through stress control. It seems it goes hand and hand with my stress. Most of the time I'm able to manage it, and when it flares up, I know what I need to do...more stress relief. The meditation section here is very helpful, Mary and Anne post meditations for us all the time. I tend to meditate without "helps" (that is, the use of music, guidance, etc.) and it helps me find my center again. It is one of the reasons I love living where I do...my soul finds replenishing through nature and animals. I'm glad I don't live in a city with busy busy busy life. I take plenty of time for myself and selfishly guard my alone time and rest. I hope you find what works for you. I'm sure you already know the foods to avoid, etc.

[Guest babylady]

Kay -- my problem was always constipation until i discovered aloe around '82. before that i constantly took all kinds of laxatives and enemas. i do remember times before aloe when i was stressed -- once was when i found out my boyfriend cheated on me -- i actually had to use a filthy NYC subway bathroom. another time after i was married to john i found out i needed a root canal -- hadn't gone to the bathroom in over a week and i couldn't get there fast enough. lol.

i did well with the aloe until about 6 years ago. i think what happened is my spine shifted -- i have scoliosis -- seems like now my stomach presses more on my colon and that's why i get the nausea. my colon is enormous. i was amazed when the doc showed me the x-ray compared to an x-ray of a normal colon.

of course knowing john was dying and then his death has not helped. between the IBS, CFS/ME, scoliosis, osteo arthritis, herniated discs is it any wonder if feel sick most of the time?

arlene

[kayc]

Nope, no wonder. Your problem is opposite of mine then, but I can't have Aloe, allergic to it. I know oatmeal is good no matter which way your problem gravitates. (((hugs)))