Acceptance - How Will I Recognize It?

[Dusky]

To everyone,

I have a question. Almost everything I read about grief tells me about stages of grief– some books use a different word – but stages are a common expression. One of the “stages” of grief is ACCEPTANCE.

My question is this: How will I recognize/feel ACCEPTANCE? I am really curious – when will I know it has arrived?

John - Dusky is my handle on here.

Love you Jack

[spela]

Hi John,

I'm back here - these last days I couldn't write much, or even read the forum. You're asking about acceptance. At first I couldn't even imagine that I would ever be able to "accept". I still have such moments sometimes. I don't know if I have come to the point of "acceptance" - sometimes I think I have, sometimes I'm still scared and I think "it couldn't be real". Maybe it's when you're no longer waiting all the time for the moment when you'll find out that it's only been a nightmare. When you somehow realise it's not just a dream ... It comes slowly - acceptance - first only for a brief moment, and you can still have moments when you don't want to accept. You still go back sometimes, you still have bad and very bad days - but they don't come so often ... I think.

[Devi]

Hi John,

First I must say that I can only tell you what I have experienced myself and hope my experience may help reflect the answers you seek.

For me acceptance comes in the form of the deep trust I have in God's will and God's love. Since my fiancee was a spiritual teacher I have always seen Him as the manifestation of God's love and grace. So, since the beginning of my relationship with Him I learned to trust and gratefully accepted God's will because it led me to the most wonderful man.

Acceptance for me came with the knowing that the same God that brought me to the love of my life is still lovingly guiding my life and only wishes the best for me. Even though things are VERY difficult right now and often still shocking...I trust in my life's path. This trust and acceptance does not change the daily pain or feelings of absolute frailty but it makes them OK.

My path these past years has been about surrender of my own will so I had a good foundation when my fiancee passed on. No matter how much suffering I am going through I feel deeply gratefull for that foundation and for the chance to have shared divine love.

I guess the way I recognize Acceptance is in a deep feeling of OK-ness without judgement about what has happened. This OK-ness does not negate or ignore the suffering but simply accepts the actions that have happened. This feels like the foundation of acceptance where from healing truly begins. The way of life and death is so beyond the mind that I truly feel we must accept the past fate of our beloved partners with our whole beings. It is not something I can command my mind to do but something that the heart must embrace.

May we all find the peace our human suffering seeks...~Devi

[kayc]

Acceptance for me came when I remembered I could trust God with my life and with George's. It doesn't mean I like what happened. It doesn't mean I'd wish for it. It doesn't mean I wouldn't choose to have George back if that choice was mine. It does mean my hand is in God's and I know He is doing what is best in our lives. I couldn't have said that before I "accepted", then I was just angry and hurting. And acceptance doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt because it does. It is deeper than that, more like faith, which is believing in something that is unseen.