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Never Ending


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My heart hurts. Yesterday I turned in the keys to my Love's office. Everything was moved to the office of the person taking over his business. The place that was like another home to him is gone. His personal effects sit in boxes in the garage. I feel like I'm being forced to endure a series of never ending painful events. When does it stop and how long can I continue to function through them before I simply give up?

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Donnacas,

I am not sure that it ever stops. I feel the same way and it is exhausting but I have continued to get up everyday and forced myself to live through the new day. I don't like it or want it but I do it. There or days when I know that I can do it, but there or days when I just feel that I might explode. I constantly have to remind myself that I don't have a choice and I try to remember that my husband loved me and would want me to continue my journey. It is really hard when every time I look around I think of him. I know that the busier I keep myself the better. Feeling you pain and praying for you.

Donna (sadlynn)

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Please believe me when I tell you it does get much more tolerable. When George's closet rod broke two weeks after he died, I boxed up his clothes. I can't tell you how hard it was. When I sold his car and had to clean it out. And you should have heard me wail when I had to clean out his trailer that he'd stayed in during the work week! It was full of him, and each thing I went through felt like another death. Seeing all of his ornaments at Christmas. Going to the social security office and hearing her say my marriage ended in death. That was so insensitive! I didn't want to hear that it ended, I didn't want that! I cried the 55 miles home. Getting his ashes back. Coming home to an empty house, no phone calls from him, no one opening the door and saying, "Hi Hon, I'm home!" I loved his voice. And when his message disappeared from my cell phone, I was devastated...it was my only recording of his voice.

Eventually these things stop happening. The phone calls for them slow way down to maybe once a year. It still hits you when it happens. The mail eventually quits. There is no way but through the grief, and that means experiencing these things, but we become a little more of a survivor with each one we've gotten through and once gone through, that's done. It is like a bad nightmare that seems to have no ending, but please trust me when I say, it won't always seem quite as devastating, we do learn to cope better and that helps tremendously.

Remembering my husband's faith in me helps me so much.

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Donnacas,

As long as we are on this earth, it will never stop. Life will always be full of devastating events. They are much harder to deal with now, because we are alone. Somehow we deal with them and accept these things only because we cannot change them.

I lost my husband in May 2013 and a few months later began selling many of his things for the simple reason of survival. Yes it hurt, but I had no other choice. With my heart already broken, I was forced to sell our vacation home this past spring. This was where we were to live out our "golden years". The latest blow has been the death of my daughter on July 27. Although I loved my husband very much, this one has been the hardest to accept.

Will there be more? You can bet your money on it, but somehow we will make it through because we are survivors. Our husbands would not have it any other way.

Love,

Karen

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