annew Posted March 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2015 Even though the shock and grief are so unbelievably traumatic, I am also healing, too......And, he is helping along with so many others here and in other parts of my life.....I am very blessed and very grateful right now. <3 While I hate that he is gone; the gift he IS still keeps on giving every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 22, 2015 Report Share Posted March 22, 2015 I hope you can feel his presence with you, carrying you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted March 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2015 Yes, Kay, I do.....thanks for the reminder. We are so blessed they stay nearby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted March 22, 2015 Report Share Posted March 22, 2015 I too agree they walk with us and hold us up. Some days we don't know where the strength comes from but it is there. I am glad you feel you are healing. I forgive those who do not understand my grief. It makes me feel better. I know I can come here to where people understand and don't judge me. Instead they embrace me, validate my feelings and comfort me. We are so blessed to have each other. I wish you peace and comfort. Shalady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted March 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2015 I agree, Shalady, how we get through it all brings out strength in me I didn't know I had and ironically, it is in being vulnerable. I am finding I am the worst one in controlling and judging my feelings.....avoidance and then blaming others. Some days are better than others, some days all the change is overwhelming. I have good support and work.....and then comes the inevitable time alone, so much of it. Thank you all for listening and sharing your lives and changes. It means so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted March 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2015 The roller coaster is so intense today....feels like I will never be able to get on with my life.......so lost in the confusion and pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 The grief is so rugged this morning but I am glad to say I am not resisting it so much. That feels like a huge step in healing for me. Just to allow the pain and loss to be what it is and feel it.....Maybe even understand it for the love it is, the love that will never change, never leave, never die.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 4, 2015 Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 Are you finding it harder because of Easter holiday tomorrow? Yes, you are right, the love will never change, never leave, never die! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted April 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2015 We weren't really so big on holidays...family far away and not close to begin with. Nearly forgot tomorrow was Easter. It's just the day to day stuff and I so miss just talking/being with him.....best and closest friend, you know all this, too. Found myself talking out loud about something on tv/internet as I would have with him a few times last week. That was a first, hahahahaaa. I liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 5, 2015 Report Share Posted April 5, 2015 I talk to George all the time! If we're crazy, we're crazy together! My husband died on Father's Day. I wasn't up to 4th of July, of course, Labor Day was hard as that was the big weekend of the year for my family, I hit a deer and cried all the way home. Then there was my birthday, nobody called and wished me happy birthday and I was even at church with friends that evening. I cried myself to sleep. Next was our anniversary, don't even want to go there. Thanksgiving I got through. Christmas was really tough. New Year's was never a big deal but again, going through it alone didn't feel right. Then Valentine's Day, that was really hard! Then came Easter and I major rebelled! I said "No more holidays! I'm not doing Easter!" I stayed home from church and treated it like an ordinary day, even though I usually go to church. I just couldn't do another holiday without him. My kids (grown) were very understanding, I had them up for dinner the following Sunday but we made no mention of Easter. I think it's important that we be in tune with ourselves and do what is right for us in this journey and it will be different from one person to another. Yes, the everyday stuff is so hard, that is what sharing our lives was about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted April 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2015 Hi Kay, I hear you about the holidays and the day to day missing our loved ones. Dear friend called yesterday and we both talked through the loss of loved ones. She just had an unpleasant breakup. We got to a place of talking about how much we rely/relied on the love of our loved ones to back us up and help us through it all and how all this change leads to a place of such emptiness with regard to loving ourselves, that we have to do more of it and that's not often easy for me. Loving myself is hard work sometimes just to let it in, you know? And I find I need to love myself a whole lot more now than ever. Things get most painful when I can't let love in for myself and then I go to missing him terribly compounding the whole thing. Such a whole new world this is........ Hope you are doing ok. Thank you for being there. Much blessing and love for you always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 7, 2015 Report Share Posted April 7, 2015 I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday, I was busy having a day from hell...long story (I worked), just glad it's over. I had no time to come here even last night. Woke up at 4:00 am and decided I'd go ahead and come here and catch up... Loving ourselves is very important, esp. since the person who loved us most isn't here to do what they normally would. Now WE need to take up the reigns, they'd want us to! We did for them for years, it's time now to pour it into ourselves. It's hard, esp. since it's the last thing we maybe feel like doing, but oh so necessary after years of neglect...it starts taking it's toll through our health, I'm talking esp. to caregivers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted April 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2015 So very well said, Kay. Part of me prefers to neglect myself to be honest.....Actively loving myself and speaking to myself with love and compassion matters so much now. I thought I knew this before but still had the constant support I now have to give myself. It's all so tiring and confusing and I very much want to love myself just as I am....with all I can give in any moment.......and receive it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted April 7, 2015 Report Share Posted April 7, 2015 I think if you can begin to remember to care for yourself with great patience and tenderness, as you would a small child, that is a good start. Then, when you realize that the small child is lost and afraid of trying to navigate this world alone, without our Beloved, you will be reminded how much caring and gentleness, nurturing and reassurance you need. And when you need caring and gentleness, nurturing and reassurance —— we are here for you. We may not always respond right away, but we are here and we truly do care. Blessings and peace to your heart, dear one. feralfae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted April 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2015 Very well said, Fae, I so appreciate your response. Yes, at first others did that for me and then as the healing goes on I do more and more loving nurturing of my inner child self. It has been enormously helpful, less scared and lonely. Not a perfect fix but the comforting is getting in most deeply. And so has Long Island Medium, some of her work has been the best grief "group" I could imagine. I wish there were more groups centered around that for those of us that know they never really left us. A recent show made me feel even more connected as did several dreams a friend told me about of seeing her and Dad and my dear partner together. I need that so much, to know he never really left me in the ways that matter so much. Many blessings and much love to us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 8, 2015 Report Share Posted April 8, 2015 I don't get that on t.v. because I'm on basic. I'm glad you're coming along, it takes so much work, doesn't it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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