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I have come to the conclusion that during the 40 odd years that I was married, time and society has flown right past me.

One of the gals in the "over 50" widowed group I belong to became a member of OurTime(an online dating site). She seems to have met a nice man. Now, I am not really looking to date anyone, but it does get lonely not having anyone to talk with or go out to dinner with,etc, so on a whim I checked out the site. I created a profile, put up a picture, and had 30 messages waiting the next morning. I simply said I was a country girl who wore boots and jeans, drove a 4wd, and was looking for coffee and conversation. I realized my picture is about 8 years old and i know I looked a bit better then. Stress and grief have altered my looks and attitude somewhat. I have not read the messages as of course nothing is free and I don't want to spend the money on it. So far, my mindset won't let me "pay" for a date. There are lots of interesting fellas out there, if you choose to believe everything you read. There are some blatantly nasty ones too. I'm sure I'd be raring to go out with Mr. "ComeonIwannalayyou". YUCCH!! And then there's the guy whose prerequisite is that you must be able to clean fish. I also discovered that I really don't have a lot in common with most of them. I don't have a Masters, a six figure income, golf, swim the Amazon, or travel the world. As I related these things to my son, I broke down in tears as I realized that what I was looking for was Ron and that he was not there.

On a somewhat related subject, I seem to have hurt my brother-in-laws feelings. To make a long story short, he is Ron's younger brother, has a long history of mental illness(manic depressant/paranoid schizo) that is controlled by meds. Although he lives nearby, I have avoided much contact with him since Ron left. He simply gets on my nerves(the few I have left). His persona is grating, demanding, and self centered. We hadn't spoken in months although he leaves messages constantly. Ron had always asked me to keep an eye on him. He really doesn't need a protector. I relented and told him he could come to visit. BIG MISTAKE! He somehow got the impression that I wanted to go to dinner with him and begin a relationship, started calling constantly(which I didn't answer), and "dropping by". I figured it out when he suggested that I could come to his place anytime now that we were "going out". Sorry, but I had to set him straight. I told him I wasn't interested in a relationship unless it was a handsome cowboy with a big ranch and lots of horses. That shut him up and sent him on his way. Haven't heard from him since.

So time goes by. Just me, my beautiful dog Marley, and my son and grandson. Almost never hear from Debbie's kids or her husband, except that he lost their home, which I knew was coming. Pretty hot here in the Phoenix area so have been mostly staying in, but need to run a few errands, so will close out this crazy subject.

Just letting you know I'm "alive and well", as they say.


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Dear Karen,

It is super to hear from you, and to hear about your adventures. Thirty responses in one day! You obviously have what some men want, even if you don't want them. I understand about looking for Ron. I still feel very married to Doug.

Oh, Karen, I love how you handled the pesky brother-in-law! You made me smile! Good for you!

In a way, it is nice to have life be fairly simple, without a lot of drama being brought in by other people. I find I still need a lot of solitude and time to process things.

It is so very good to hear from you, dear one.



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I went through some of that with my neighbor years ago...I told him I am his friend but don't want anything else and to NOT try to kiss me and do NOT try to hold my hand, and to call before coming over! He took offense to that and ignored the calling first rule. I also reminded him that he is engaged! (They'll never get married, but still...) Now he's bugging someone else, and that's fine. In the years I've known him it's solidified my feelings that I don't WANT him.

The who I want is George. And I can't have that. So I content myself with the life I've made for myself with Arlie and Kitty and Miss Mocha.

fae, she does have something men want, she's FEMALE! I guess that's all it takes to make acquaintance at least. I find the whole dating thing to be off-putting, I guess that's one of the big reasons I never went to a dating site. IF you can believe them, you can't afford to travel with them (you pay), you don't want to be their cook and laundry doer and most of them are so into themselves they don't leave room for anyone else to be! I know there's nice men in the world, we've met some of them here, but I never seem to in person, so I'll continue my singlehood, those days are just gone for me!

Karen, I'm sorry your SIL lost their home, I'm glad it didn't happen while Debbie was alive. I'm sorry you don't hear from him or the grands. Life so so not fair sometimes! It's good to hear from you and I'm sorry things aren't going as well as they could for you.

I hear you, fae, I like the "no drama" myself! :)

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Hello Karen. I've been mostly reading posts this afternoon but I had to chuckle at yours.

I've been there and done that dating site thing WAY before Ric. I was on AOL's dating site and I chatted on a number of other sites and it was pretty disgusting. Lots of marrieds out there; lots of those who say that they are in committed relationships yet they are pinging you with the same idea that the"nasty" man has :angry2:.

It is too soon for me to even think about dating; but I agree that coffee and conversation might be nice. If you do meet someone from the WEB; be sure to have that cup coffee at Starbucks or Panera (very public domains) ... I made the mistake of letting a man know where I lived and he was sitting in the parking lot of the apartment complex where I lived when I got home from work one morning. The good news is that he lived in a different state and he only showed up that once (to my knowledge).

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Yikes! :o

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