6 Weeks To Our Wedding Day I Lost My Best Friend & Love Of My Life

[5Gaits]

My fiance Mike was hospitalized in Mid-June for an infection that went to his spine. It affected his walking, his brain and he had so much pain. But he rallied back and at the end of June he started to walk without a walker, my Mike was getting well. The discharge date was set for July 3rd, his 67th birthday, he would come home to me and we would get him well together.

We were going to have dinner in his room, he was on a Rehab floor. Mike thought he might like some roast chicken for dinner, so I told him on the way there, I would stop and call him when I was leaving the market with the chicken. I was in the market less than 5 minutes, and the hospital was 10 minutes away.

When I got off of the elevator, I walked into the door area of his room. I was sure I was on the wrong floor and had gone to the wrong room. But then, I realized, through the doctor's and nurses trying to resuscitate him, I heard "Charging" and then "Clear!".. It was surreal, how could this be, Mike was so healthy, he had no heart issues - it was like a nightmare happening in slow motion.

They got his heart restarted and they were going to the cardiac cath lab, he was there for a short time, they moved quickly with the plan to take him to the operating room for a bypass surgery.

On July 7th, after learning his heart attack was a Widow Maker type with a very low survival rate, his family and I discontinued his life support. He died 24 hours later - July 8,2015, Days after his 67th birthday and the day before my teenage daughter was turning 18.

If his death wasn't hard enough, we were just 6 weeks from our wedding day. It was going to be a second marriage for each of us. We were starting life all over again and we were both so happy that we were able to do so. Life looked like it would be an adventure that we as husband and wife, best friends, the love of my life would do together as we were inseparable.

To add to the difficulty, He had been dead only moments when greed took over his adult children. Children who are in their 40's - not Jr High mean girls. To this day, that has not resolved, they are directing so much anger at me. I didn't take away their father, death did.

I feel lost, exhausted, like I want to vomit.I can't eat and if I try to sleep I have horrible nightmares that make no sense. I am heartbroken, this man was the love of my life, a gentle, kind, young late 60's man.

I miss him so much, I would give anything for one more kiss, a touch, to fall asleep on his left shoulder, listening to his heart as I had so many nights. Feeling safe, loved and knowing that he was so happy to be holding me as we fell asleep. I am not sure how I will put one foot in front of the other; now, tomorrow, or for the rest of my life.

[enna]

I am just reading your post and my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry that you have lost your Mike. It is understandable that your head is spinning with the suddenness of his death. I have no words to comfort you right now, but I do want you to know that when you come here you will have many who will sit with you in your grief. You will not be alone.

You have also lost the life you and Mike were planning together. This must rip your heart into pieces. I hope you will look for a good grief counselor who will help you not only with Mike’s death and your loss of a life in marriage together but also help you understand what happens when adult children and relatives act in a selfish way.

For right now, you will get through this one hour at a time. Take care of yourself as you will need strength just to get through these first months.

Anne

[5Gaits]

Anne,

Thank you so much for your kind and reassuring words. My journey, the path that I hope will help me heal from this loss, is a path I have walked before. Two years ago, I lost my father. Mike was by my side and I believe I couldn't have handled my father's death without the strength and love Mike provided constantly. Prior to that, I lost my mother to breast cancer Mother's Day 2008. Mike was the person I knew I could rely on for help, reassurance and kindness. But suddenly, I am looking for Mike in so many ways.

You are so correct when you spoke about the difficult months ahead. Right now, I just have to try to go hour to hour. Sometimes I need to crawl into my bed and tuck in under a big soft down comforter. It might be hot outside right now, but the comforter surrounds me and feels snuggly. I turn toward Mike's pillows, hoping he is there. I walk into the closet, I feel his clothing, his clothes smell good, familiar - they smell like Mike. I miss him so very much.

I have a therapist, and I am seeing her weekly. In additon, maybe there is another resource as I feel so alone, so very lonely.

My daughter has been away out of the country and is not aware of any of this tragedy occurring. In mid-August she will return. I will have to live the emotion again, hoping to help her accept this huge loss.

[kayc]

I am so sorry, I know that loss all too well, we all do. It's the hardest thing in the world. You will get through it, even when you don't see how, we all do somehow, with each other's help. I am sorry his kids are acting like they are, grief does weird things to some people. I hope you don't have to deal with them too much.

Try to remember to breathe, to eat, to drink water, take walks, take care of yourself. It's giving yourself your best possible chance at dealing with this.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. You are in good company here, we've all been there. We'll be there for you in this journey if you let us and want us to.

[Suitearia]

5Gaits I am SO sorry for your loss, I'm sure that it feels like a double whammy ...

I lost my husband 5/1/15 and have posted here many times when I thought I was losing it; and I know that Enna and KayC (and many others) give great advice.

I send you hugs during this very difficult time ...

.

[Queeniemary]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your Mike. He sounds like a wonderful man. My husband was also named Mike, he died 5 1/2 years ago. I am sorry his children are giving you problems. Sometimes the worst in people come out during stress. It sounds like you are taking good steps, in seeing a therapist. Kay's advice is very good, eat healthy, get lots of fluids, and plenty of rest. None of which is easy at this time, I know. Glad you are here, but not glad for the reason. People here will understand, and be here for you.

QMary