My kittens

[Mlittle]

When I was 11, i had two cats, I accidentally killed both.  It has haunted me all the way until now. The orange tabby, died by licking goat wormer off my hand, and the brown tabby died because I was told by my brother that cats could swim. And I believed him. It haunts me everyday. I was smaller, but I feel as though i deserve to never own an animal again, becuase I might hurt it.

[Copperpot]

Hi, thank you for sharing what has to be a very personal & difficult thing to share. You may look at this situation as a reflection of who you are, or your ability to be trusted. The reality is that your intent was neither malicious, nor neglectful. You made decisions at the time based on the knowledge that you had, and did not intend for anything to happen to these kitties. Intentions are very important. The mere fact that you still feel something about these incidents offers an insight into what kind of person you really are. A person with a big heart, that cares about animals. I have struggled with guilt myself about things I did or did not do when my dog was sick. Even though I know beating myself up about these things is foolish. I would have done anything to save him. You feel the same im sure. Youve come to the right place here. We all know what its like to lose. Gods peace be with you.

[MartyT]

You say that you are still "haunted" by these two incidents that happened when you were 11 years old. How old are you now?   

When we are bothered (or, as you say, even "haunted") by something we've done (or failed to do) in the past, it takes courage to acknowledge it. You have taken the first step toward dealing with this, by sharing your story here with us. Good for you. Have you shared your concerns with anyone else ~ a parent, a trusted friend or relative, a counselor ~ that is, someone who will listen to you without judgment and help you identify and come to terms with whatever you may be feeling about all of this now?

If it is guilt you're struggling with, you might begin by doing some reading about that, along with some tips on what you can do to cope with it. See, for example, Grief And The Burden of Guilt, along with the Related Articles I've listed at the base of the post.

 

[Critterdoll]

Mlittle, I am so sorry you are carrying this sad feeling with you.  I couldn't even respond to you better than Copperpot did.  What she said about the fact that you still feel something about what happened does mean that you ARE a person who does deserve to love a pet again.  What happened was out of innocence, not maliciousness.

I was much older than you were when I believed something my then husband said.  I had a dog Brownie who caught a kitten when I lived in the country.  My husband said that the only way we would keep the kitten was to get rid of whatever fleas it might have, first.  He said where he came from, cats were bathed in kerosene to rid the cats of fleas.  I believed him and allowed him to dunk the kitten in a pail of kerosene.  To this day, about 30 years later, that haunts me.  I never forget the kitten's terror, with his eyes wide open and paws outstretched.  The next morning I found the kitten dead right outside the house.  He must have swallowed some kerosene because my husband dunked him all the way under.  I feel guilty to this day that I allowed him to do that to a helpless animal, but in innocence I had believed him.

I love animals so very much and would never intentionally harm one, and I don't believe you would either!

~ Mia ~

[Mlittle]

Thank you guys so much. I feel a lot better. 

[kayc]

Now you are older and have learned more and I doubt very much a pet would be endangered by having you for it's owner.  Accidents happen, and a childish mine can't be expected to know everything, that's why they have parents around to help guide them through it.  I'm sorry you experienced these losses.