My angel Samara <3

[Muggins]

I have been looking for a support site for a few days now, stumbled across this one.. it seems as though i'm stuck in my grief, can't get passed losing my angel 2 weeks ago.  Samara was an absolute gift, who had such personality, humor and tons of kisses. She was a Boxer\ Sheltie mix. She was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with a mass in her lung attached to her heart, we were told she only had weeks left to breathe on her own.. for 2 yrs we never knew if this was the day.. I know it "should" be a comfort that we gained the extra time with her.. it's not.  The sadness i have takes the air out of my lungs, making it hard to catch my breath, I see her everywhere, in all of the mundane tasks I do.  My main regret is the day we took her to emergency, she was laboured breathing, panting, wouldn't drink or eat.. I seriously thought they could do a quick fix with meds to give her more time and comfort.. it didn't turn out that way, her x ray showed one lung wasn't working at all and her other lung only had a quarter of air left in it.. she was given a needle to calm her, and she was asleep before we had a chance to tell her we were sorry, and what was happening. She has always been soo afraid of the vets, it shatters me that the last place she went to was the one spot that caused her the most anxiety, and we were left to bring her home wrapped in a blanket.

[Kacy]

What a beautiful girl, your Samara.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm sure others will post also, but we all understand how you feel.  I do think it's especially hard when you aren't prepared, not that you can ever be fully prepared. 

However long they are with us is never long enough. 

Keep posting here when you feel like it.

Mary

[kayc]

She is beautiful.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I am an avid dog lover, having had dogs all my life, and I know how hard it is to lose them.  It's esp. hard when they are a head above the rest, a perfect fit for your family in personality, as it seems Samara was for you.

My heart goes out to you.  I hope you'll take some time, when you are up to it, to read through some of the other threads here to know you are not alone.

[Marj37]

You have stumbled across the best place on the planet.   All here in this PetLoss room enfold each other.  The pain and grief are devastating.  And difficult.  And it is normal to have the feelings you do.   Keep talking to us about it.

[Muggins]

I thank each and every one of you, it sure is a challenge to think about the tomorrows without her.. just trying for today, my husband and I don't have any children, she was our baby for 12 yrs.

[kayc]

One day at a time...(((hugs)))

[Muggins]

so i ran the vacuum cleaner across the floors today, no more fur balls. What i used to curse, today i wish there were going to be more. The spots where she had coughed up blood i hover over.. will this crushing feeling ever go away.. just when i think i can get stronger, bam..in my head, i know the life expectancy of a pet is not as long as we want, if only my heart could accept it to

[kayc]

I felt that way after my granddoggy Skye died (he lived with me off and on).  He was a Husky and could he shed!  I'd give anything to have him back and never minded the fur balls.  Sigh.

[Critterdoll]

Muggins, your Samara was a beautiful dog!  I had my feline furbaby Spooky for 21 years, but I love dogs as well!  The crushing pain you are now feeling is perfectly understandable and normal since you loved Samara so much.  We have all felt that, and I still sometimes feel it even seven weeks after having my sweet Spooky put to sleep.  That's what I also think about: all the tomorrows without Spooky.  In time I hope to adopt some more furbabies, either two cats or a cat and a dog.  Not that any other pet will make up for the one we have lost.  Spooky was the light of my life for so long, it is hard to get used to being without him.  Each one is loved for their own individual personalities, that's for sure, but for some there will always be that one special pet whose essence stays with us forever.

You have definitely come to the right place!  Everyone here is so loving and genuinely caring and we help each other get through some very hard times!  Muggins, my heart truly goes out to you in your loss.  Just know that Samara (beautiful name!) is at peace now in heaven where she is waiting for you to see her again someday.

Blessings,

~ Mia ~

[Marj37]

Love Samara's face - was just taking a long look at her photo.   Of course you will miss her for a long long time.  The special bonds we have and the love bring us such shattering sadness when they are gone.   And the house has the empty feeling.

Edited September 16, 2015 by Marj37

[Muggins]

Your words are very kind, thank you, it really does mean a lot. Have been trying to keep extra busy, so not spending soo much time home.. yoga classes have been a life saver, I do recommend that to anyone who is having trouble clearing their head, even if it's only for an hour.  I don't know if any of you find the change of season makes your loss a little tougher?  Now that fall is coming, mornings a bit cooler, leaves starting to change, I'm missing her so much still, and it hurts that the seasons are changing, it's almost like time should stand still for a while..

[Marj37]

Hi Muggins------and I say "Oh, yes." to the changing seasons "syndrome" I'll call it for lack of another word.        Yes, I agree about Yoga.   

Went for a good walk this morning and spent half of it with tears flowing down my face.   I was talking to Gb in my thoughts and missing him so much.  It will be 4 months on the 26th.    I was glad there was no one at our park so I could cry at ease.   

It happens on and off to me.   Special Gb kitty was definitely a soul kitty and he lived with gusto his almost 15 years.

[kayc]

It doesn't seem possible it's been that long...but to you it probably seems even longer.  It is good to cry, to release the tears.