Guest Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Today Deedo would have been sixty-six, eighty-six days after she died. Happy Birthday my love! I've spent more time preparing for this birthday than any birthday she had when we were together. That's sad. But I feel good about what I've done. First of all Deedo never grew up. Every Christmas she asked me for a reindeer could really fly. So for her birthday the kids and I are building her a fairy garden in the backyard. It will be a work in progress and we will add to it each year. I think the grandkids will love it too.Secondly there is this story: We are BIG Disney junkies and every year we would take our kids to Disneyland which was not easy to do on a teacher's salary. We would scrape together enough money to go for a few days. But then once there we would do things like buy one soda and sit on a curb and share it back and forth. After the kids left home Deedo and I would continue to go, frequently meeting the kids (and later grandkids) there but sometimes we would just go by ourselves. By this time we were using a rewards Visa that gave us Disney Dollars. On one trip we had enough rewards points that our only expense for five days was airfare and our hotel. Passes, meals, everything else was easily covered by our rewards. One day we were walking down Harbor Blvd. and were approached by a time-share salesman. For going to his spiel we would each get $100 in Disney dollars. We went on a whim. Listened. Said No Thank you several times. Got our $200. On our way back to the park we were talking about the old days when we would share a soda. We decided to take the $200 and find four families sitting on the curb sharing a soda, families that would remind us of our family back in the day and give them $50 to spend in the park. I had never seen Deedo so excited as we went from land to land searching for the perfect family. It took us hours and the joy we both felt made a serious impact on both of us. So to celebrate Deedo's birthday I sent the three kids $200 each with directions that they are to find four families that remind them of our family and give them $50. They are very excited and have already spent hours deciding how best to honor their Mama and G'ma Watchie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 23, 2015 Report Share Posted October 23, 2015 Brad, my dear, your story touches my heart and makes me feel warm all over! Just precious. Thanks so much for sharing it with us ~ and we're sending Happy Birthday wishes to your darling Deedo too ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 I survived the day. I did better than survive, today was the first good day I've had in eighty-six days. I woke up determined to have a good day. I prepared for the day by finding ways I could get excited about where I could honor Deedo. I had some damp moments but no sobs. That's a first. Happy Birthday my love. You are missed by every fiber of my being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted October 24, 2015 Report Share Posted October 24, 2015 Beautiful story, beautiful wife. Beautiful couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Absolutely beautiful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 I discovered that a huge pile of leaves, a five-year-old granddaughter, and a ten-month-old grandson works wonders at distracting me from my grief; if only for a short time. I had oodles of smiles and laughs this weekend; the first in a very, very long time and no tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Precious ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 I love the picture of Deedo. I would so love to have met her here on earth. She is absolutely right, why grow up? We keep the child within us and we are closer to God I think. I am so happy that your Birthday experience with Deedo proved to be more about joy than grief. Your Disney story made my soul smile. What a wonderful tribute to Deedo I bet she enjoyed it so much watching you all plan to relive the joy of that $200 day you both shared. I am with you both in a love of Disney. We kept taking Max to Disney Paris (never been to US Disney ...I Wish upon a star one day....) and I wept when I first saw Mickey. I was completely overwhelmed. If I close my eyes now I can be transported back there with my beloved mom and husband and feel the magic. Max has endless photos taken with Mickey. He was Max's favourite character and my husband took to stalking the poor mouse and insisting on continuous photos. I could paper the walls with them. Your baby grandchild is so beautiful and shining with life and light. A perfect reminder that there is so much love and laughter in life still to experience. My most favourite sound on earth is the laughter of a child, I alway imagine it will be the soundtrack to heaven.That Deedo's Birthday is the best day you have had in 86 is a wonderful tribute to her and her spirit. That is how I would like to be celebrated on earth Brad when my time comes, not with sadness but with love and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Brad, how adorable! I have a five month old granddaughter that is a delight, I wish I lived nearby her! Grandchildren are a gift! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 25, 2015 Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Debi - I think that's how most of us would choose to be remembered, with love, joy and peace. Of course I broke down the moment the kids left this afternoon but this weekend really proved something to me: I can do this. I can move on. I don't know how yet but damnit I can do it. I know that I am on a rollercoaster ride and tomorrow I may easily be as depressed and leaky as I was last week but for right now I know Deedo wants me moving forward. She wants me finding peace and remembering the thirty-seven wonderful years we had with joy that we were able to experience them together. I need to try to find that joy rather than the sadness that that time in my life has now changed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 So true Brad and Deedo is nudging you in the forward direction. You have done her so proud. Of course the ship will leak, but it is sea worthy and will sail. her legacy is the joy she brought you.Big hugs x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Debi - I think you are spot on. You and Deedo really are kindred spirits. Not only do you both embrace the innocence of life but you both are able to communicate compassion so extremely well. As I read your posts you are able to target the emotions and then articulate so effectively that you buoy the spirit. I know you're having a rough go of things and yet you give so much here. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
debi.williams Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Oh Brad you are so generous with your lovely words. I must be careful my head doesn't swell I think the world of your soul and spirit and your deep and abiding love for Deedo, and I want to explain some things. Sorry it is probably more than you bargained for!!!!! Forgive me if I repeat myself. Brad I experienced life for so many years through the eyes of a man who saw wonder everywhere. He taught me well. He understood the human condition and could empathise with everyone, truly. He could diffuse a tricky situation with a kind word or gesture. I lost count of the number of 'strangers' who came up to me at his grave site to tell me how he had helped them in their hour of need. Driven for hours in the middle of the night to help them stranded on some freeway somewhere, or fixed a leaking boiler or gave them money when they had none. Acts he never told me about stretching far back. He was no saint, no one is, and he would have hated to have been thought as such. But he was the closest to all that is good in mankind that I have ever met and it was an honour and a privilege to have loved him and to have been loved by him. He never made me cry.He came from a distant land, another continent (Iran) and suffered much in his short life. He had to do national service when so young (Iran/Iraq war) and was his father's sacrificial lamb. It should have been his older brother that did national service but my husband wasn't the favourite. He witnessed unspeakable horrors as he was on the front line(towards the end they all were) It didn't harden him, it softened him. After his service, he left and with little money but a will to find something better he pitched up in Europe (long story). We met in London, UK but by this time he had made his life in Brussels, Belgium. His English was limited then (he could speak, Farsi, German and French) but something in us that first night recognised each other. I can honestly say I felt the same in reading about Deedo and looking at her beautiful picture at Disney. I know it doesn't make sense but it is as it is. There are too many mysteries in life to fathom. He suffered terrible racism in his life in Europe and yet he did not take one penny (UK) or cent (Euro) from any government (better known as the tax payer)in any country in which he lived. He paid his taxes (hugely so), he worked day and night (literally) to make a life and although there were only the 3 of us (we wished for more children but it wasn't to be) he would pick me up from work and when we got home the 3 of us would say 'family cuddle' and just stand holding each other in solidarity. He held my hand as I buried my Father, Grandmother and Mom. He taught me that love is all there is. Long after all else has gone. There are, of course a million, examples of this (as I know you have with your beautiful Deedo) but I have only really just finally understood. Love is really something that is not just yours to keep but to pass on like a baton in a relay race. If you have been loved you have been one of the lucky ones and you need to pass on this piece of fortune. We are all connected (none more so than those grieving) regardless of colour, creed or circumstance.Ahead of me is the hardest journey of my life (I will post more later) but haven't we all had them? I am not alone in this. You and the other family on this forum have lifted me up when I was in the depths. I read about your daily triumphs, each shuffling step taken in the right direction through sheer force of will and the wind of love behind us and I can't give up. All that he was (and is) is in our son. How blessed am I ? We are all connected, so you see Brad, your words to me lifted ME just as much as mine to others. What remains is love and THAT (even in despair) we can actually do something with. Big hugs xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Debi,I am amazed at the similarities in our lives. Deedo came to me badly damaged. First was a mother who could only love one child and that child was her brother. Deedo was raised with comments like it's too bad you're not as pretty as your friends. Deedo adored her father; he had a great sense of humor but was also an alcoholic. Her first husband an hour after their wedding told her that he did not love her and never would but she was what he needed to advance in rank (USAF). After eight years of physical, emotional and sexual abuse Deedo left him; it was that or suicide. We met seven months later. I knew going into the relationship that she had much baggage but I had never met such a loving and forgiving person in my life. In the thirty-seven years we were together she (and I) knew unconditional love for the first time. Deedo was a very giving person, quick to remember every major event in peoples' lives. She would call and send cards on death days every year. She was always the one to pull people together. Sadly, as giving as she was, she never felt like she merited anything. As beautiful as she was she always saw herself in a different light. It took a long time to convince her that I loved her more than life and would never hurt her nor would I ever leave her. Others talk of cracks in their marriage, ours truly was a fairy tale. I can count of one hand the number of fights we had in thirty-seven years and they were all over stupid minutiae. We never went to bed angry, we kissed each other the last thing at night and the first thing in the morning every day we were together. She treated me like a king. She made me a much better person. I always wanted to be the person I saw reflected in her eyes. And YES Debi, you are blessed. You found in your husband a remarkable person who chose to conquer challenges not by hating others but by giving back over and over. I love that you found that in him. I love that you have that to cling to in the days ahead. I know that the example Deedo set will pull me through this hell. I know that the example your husband set will pull you through this hell, with a whole lot of pushing from Max Big hugs coming back from me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted October 26, 2015 Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 It sounds like both of you found true gems. Sometimes the more we go through, the more it builds us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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