I lost my dog and it's my fault

[Kimber528]

I knew he would run off..and this morning was no different, except today he didn't come backbac and got hit by a car. I miss him so much already and would love to tell you all about my Nitro, but am having a hard time typing. Just need to know if anyone knows how to accept or even deal with this guilt?

[Kimber528]

I see 11 views..nice place. Very comforting

[MartyT]

I'm sorry if you were expecting an instant response when you posted in this forum. Sometimes when a post first appears, the person reading may but not be in a position at that moment to construct a thoughtful and helpful response, but that does not mean that our members are unkind or uncaring. I hope you'll take some time to read through some of the posts in this forum to see that you have found your way to a most compassionate and caring place, and among fellow animal lovers.

That said, I am so sorry to read of the accident that took the life of your precious Nitro. Of course we would love to learn all about him when you feel ready to share, and we'd love to see a picture of him, too. Meanwhile, I want to point you to some articles that I hope you will find helpful: 

Is Pet Loss Comparable to Loss of A Loved One?

Losing a Cherished Pet: Myths and Misperceptions

Grief and The Burden of Guilt

Guilt and Regret in Grief

 

[kayc]

I am sorry you lost your dog.  I'm also sorry I didn't see your post earlier, I'm sick and my brain is rather cloudy right now.

My dog is everything to me and I'm sure that's how you feel too.  Right now you're probably deep in the throes of grief, still in shock, and it hasn't even had time to fully sink in.  It can take a long time to process the death of one close to you...I've lost many pets, my husband, my parents, grandparents, a niece, nephew.  The quality of relationship, the depth of the love, as well as how much day by day interaction you had with them all affects how deeply the grief hits you.  My dog would come second only to loss of my husband on that scale.

That said, I hope you will take some time to read some of the links Marty posted, and peruse the posts other pet owners have posted in this section.  We are here for you as you walk this journey.  We aren't all on the same time zone, and our schedules considered, it can take a while to get a response, but trust me, one will come.  I know it's really hard to wait when you're feeling desperate and stricken with grief.

It helps me, when I've lost a pet I was close to, to do something to honor them, and I've purchased headstones for the ones I have buried here on my property.  Are you able to bury his remains or have you chosen cremation?  In the event where you are unable to do either due to cost or where you live, putting a remembrance section in your house or apt. can help.  Someone posted a picture recently of such a corner, here is the link: http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?/topic/8735-i-thought-happily-ever-after-would-be-longer/&page=5#comment-101814  In it you might have picture, his collar, favorite toy, etc.

I don't know what your personal beliefs are but I believe dogs continue to live on, just as people do, in their spirit.  It doesn't hurt to tell your dog how you feel about him, how much you love and miss him...and perhaps he hears you.  http://www.griefhealingdiscussiongroups.com/index.php?/topic/9110-another-weird-dream/#comment-101750

I'm just so sorry for your loss.  This is a safe and understanding place to be and sometimes it just helps to know you are heard and cared about.  You are.

[Critterdoll]

Kimber528, I also am so very sorry for your loss of your beloved Nitro!  Of course we care in this group as Marty and KayC stated in their posts.

When I had to have my beloved Spooky put down, I found this group, and found the people in this group to be very caring and understanding of my grief. I found much comfort here, and you will too if you give it a chance.  We all dearly loved our pets as well as all animals, and when anyone who comes here needing to express their grief, we feel as if the loss of their pets happened to each of us personally.  I have read other people's posts and cried over their losses as much as I have cried over the loss of my own pet.  These are a wonderful bunch of people who have empathized with me more than some of my own friends have.  I have come to care about these people as if I've known them all my life.

Maybe you can more closely describe the circumstances in which you lost Nitro and tell us why you feel such guilt.  We have all felt guilt over the loss of our pets to some measure, myself included.  I felt like I let my Spooky down near the end of his life.  As far as the grief you are feeling, believe me, we do feel, and have felt exactly as you are now feeling.  That is why we are able to empathize with you.  I lost my babydoll a little over three months ago and I still feel the emptiness, sadness and loss, but it is not as acute as it was in the beginning.  I still find it hard to accept that he is gone, after all, having a pet for 21 years and then suddenly he is no longer there is very hard to deal with.  But we must.  Life has to go on, and in time maybe we will be able to accept new pets to love into our lives.  I myself am not quite ready for that yet, but I know down the road I will be.  That doesn't mean Spooky will have been forgotten (never in a million years), but we can love other pets in a different way, each for their own personalities, just like we do with people.  The overwhelming sadness and grief you are now feeling will ease in time, even though you might find that hard to believe right now.  If you are a spiritual person, take comfort also that God will help you through your pain.

So, please do feel completely free to come here and post, and you will see that we are all behind you in your grief.  Maybe you have a picture of Nitro you can post as well?

Blessings,

~ Mia ~

[Kimber528]

Thank you all and I apologize for lashing out. I think I am just so angry at myself and directing it towards the wrong people. Thank you for your kind words and the links..I want to share my story, but am still so numb. Again, accept my sincere apologies

[kayc]

When you are ready...and no apologies needed, we understand.  Heaven help the world when the day comes I lose my Arlie!

[MartyT]

Kay is right, Kimber ~ we DO understand, and no apologies are needed. We're not in the business of passing judgments here. (You might appreciate this article, when you feel up to reading it: Apologizing for Expressing the Anger of Grief.) And please know that we are ready to read all about your beloved Nitro ~ when you are ready to share. ♥

[kayc]

What you wrote, "Feelings aren't right or wrong, good or bad -- they just are." so aptly puts what I was trying to say.  Once again, thanks, Marty!

[Chinook]

I am so sorry for your lost.  My pets, pet companions are like my fur-kids and even with the loss of many pets it seems in the last few years you can drive your self crazy with "What If's or I Should haves"   When I feel guilty and I do, I try to think that my furry friends knew I loved them with all my heart and I did the best I could.  Accidents will happen.  It is like thinking your parents should be perfect from a child's perspective but in the end parents are no one special, they are just people whom happen to had kids and there is no training when you  become a parent.  Parents do the best they can be and most do and some don't.  What I am trying to say, do not kick yourself on whatever guilt you may have, what ever it was it was not intentional and the fact you are here your love Nitro is profound.  So many people do not even flitch when their pet dies, okay let's get another one like replacing a light bulb.   Hang in there.  God Bless

Edited November 6, 2015 by Chinook