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I Miss My Mom And Dad


Guest Guest_Jen_*

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Guest Guest_Jen_*

I miss my mom and dad so much. I lost my mom earlier last month at 56, cause of death unknown. I'm still in shock and can't believe it. I lost my dad 5 years ago from a heart attack. I feel so helpless and confused. Today I couldn't get out of bed. I wanted to just lie there and not move forever. I finally had to force myself out of bed. I cried and screamed all the way to work. It was horrible. Why did they leave me here is this awful world. My mother and I became so close after my dad passed on. She was devastated and I tried my best to be there for her. She was my best friend. And now she's gone. Sometimes I dont' even know what to do, to say, to think or to feel. this can't be real?! No way, she wouldn't leave me. She just wouldn't have. I am single with no kids. So she was my everything. I need help. I try to find grief counseling groups, but it seems like nothing can stop this pain I feel. I find writing and reading other's memoirs really helpful. I try to think what both her and my dad would have wanted. Maybe for me to feel ok and move on. I don't know. This world scares me. Does anyone feel the same way?! It took me 3 years to finally be able to talk about my father without tearing up. But I was way closer to my mom. It scares me to think about going on without her. How long will it take? 5, 10 years? Never...I find myself obsessing over this. :(

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Hi Jen, I'm so sorry for your loss, they sounded like wonderful parents. I just recently lost my mom on January 15th. My dad found her when he came home from work and she had crawled into bed and she just went to sleep. I miss her terribly as I'm sure you know the feeling. I don't think there's a minute that goes by that I don't think of her or see something that reminds me of her, its very hard emotionally and i feel your pain.

I visit mom almost everyday, I do find comfort in that. I also find comfort talking to her in my church parking lot. I have my own personal spot way in the back over looking the meadow where I feel her prescence when I go there. It sounds wierd but its true. I believe you can feel a persons spirit Jen and its ok for you guys to talk one on one if you want. The love you feel for them will never go away, and thats something you'll be able to cherrish forever.

I hope you post again, you seem like a very nice person yourself.

God bless all

Sean.....................

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  • 1 month later...

Hello my dear.

I miss mine too. Your story sounds very similar to mine. My father passed away five years before my mom...both died before 50. I oh so understand that alone feeling you are experiencing. I have a 15 year old sister and we are on our own. Now being the provider....I feel more alone that ever. I quit my job to take care of my mom and I spent 4 months in bed after she died. Then I realized I HAD to go on....for my sister. If nothing else. And because for what ever reason I was still left in this (sometimes very screwed up) world....I WAS still here. I believe that there is a force far greater that myself that exists. And for what ever reason, and no matter how utterly unfair it all seems.....I am still here, and they are not. Who knows for sure what happens after we die? But I for one don't think it is the end. I think it is but another beginning and I do firmly believe that there is a world beyond this. And who knows....maybe our loss here is a gain somewhere else.

I understand when you say that your mom would never leave you. My mom was my best friend. And when she found out she had cancer (a few years after our father had already passed away) she said something that I will never forget. She said not to worry...that everything would be ok. Because "God wouldn't do that to our family" and it hurts to remember that sometimes. And I have felt my share of anger at God....my own kicking and crying and screaming that still continues. I don't think there is a timeline set out...although that would be nice wouldn't it? lol But I had to come to the understanding that to everything there is a season....and that includes life. Sometimes death can seem so unfair, so wrong. Like the death of someone young...or a child..someone who didn't seem to live out a full life. But every life has significance...no matter how short. There is purpose to everything...including life and death. Your own life has purpose. And EVERYTHING in your life has lead up to being the person you are, right now. You may feel alone and like you can't go on in this world. But never forget....you have purpose.

My mother wrote my father's eulogy when he passed away. And I will leave you will all of my understanding and heartfelt prayers and what she had to say.......

We cry for ourselves when we lose someone we love. We know we’ll never be able to see them or touch them again. We won ‘t have them around to argue or banter with. We’ll never hear that bad Elvis impersonation. We won’t see that mischievous wink and smile. And we’ll probably always be able to find our shoes.

But if we look deep inside we realize that we’ll always have a part of him with us. We’ll have the memories and good times. We take with us all that he was willing to give.

And so that person isn’t really gone after all. We didn’t lose him. We just misplaced him for awhile.

Mike loved the freedom of the road. And so, I’d like to think that whatever road he’s on now, it’s smooth sailing all the way. I have a picture in my mind of Mike hopping on a Harley or maybe his ‘66 Chevelle, riding off into the sunset saying “I’ll see you suckers later.’’

And if we’re lucky, we will.

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Wow, your story does sound a lot like mines. Your mother's eulogy was really beautiful and heart warming. I miss my mom so much. :( I have dreams about her, which helps me get through this. It's really hard. I also believe it's not the last time we'll see them. I try talking to my mom like she's still there, but sometimes I get so frustrated when I realize I can't touch her or see her physically. It hurts so much, I just want to get in my car and drive far far away! You are correct, we are still here! And I have to take care of my sister too. Lately my emotions have been out of wack, and I feel like I'm pouting like a big baby ! I realize that I have to find my own peace, my own way through this grief. It's going to be a tough rode, but I need all the help and support I can get. Thanks for your stories and words of encouragement. It helps me get through the long days. It's relieving to know that others feel the same, and that I'm not the only one missing my mommy and daddy. :(

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I see me in each and every one of your posts....the only thing different is that I haven't dream of my Mom since she died in Sept 2006 and that bothers me..My Dad died in March 2005 and I did dream of him for the first time last week....BUT.....I raise African violets and I have a huge one in my living room. On the day that my Mom died it started blooming and it has bloomed since...over 6 months of continuous blooming and jone of the flowers have died. This is very unusal...my family thinks that I am crazy when I tell them that it is Mom smiling down on my violet but I think that is what she is doing.....they all think that I am crazy. I am going to my first counseling session tonight and hopefully it will help me deal with my loss....My Mom was my best friend and I feel so lost without her.....and I am now just grieving my Dad. St. Patrick's day ment more to him than his birthday and he died 3 days after....took Shamrocks out to his grave yesterday.....thanks for letting me ramble on and on.

Funnyface

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