Honey

[Jolyne]

My letter to my dog... I miss her so much and it's so hard, I feel like I'm never going to get over here:( here is my letter; 

My honey, I love you more than words could ever describe. You were a one of a kind dog and so awesome. You were always there when I needed you and you cuddled with me all the time.  I always wanted a cuddly affectionate dog and you took the cake on that one. Sometimes it was a little too much! Waking up with your face in mine but I would give anything to cuddle with you one more time.. I wish I would have chased you with your ball more, you would just never give me that damn ball. You even put it in your water or food dish while you ate and drank so nobody could get it. I know your best friend buddy is having a hard time and if he could talk he would tell you that he misses you so much. I'm doing my best to help him through this and hopefully he will be better soon. I wish I could have been there to hold you after that vehicle hit you. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you. I'm mad at you too tho for taking off again.. It was the worst day for it with the rain and it was dark, that car didn't see you my baby girl and im so sorry that you had to die that way:( I wish I could turn back time but I have to wait to see you once I go to the other side too. I have your brothers and your new sister here to look after still and I need to accept that your gone. I made you a memorial with a bunch of your best pictures up on the wall so I can see you everyday and we are going to throw your ashes in the lake next summer with your tennis ball so you can always be doing what you love. Your my angel watching over me now and I hope you come and visit me in my dreams or in spirit. Please dont be afraid to come see me my girl because I will always welcome you with open arms. Even tho your a spirit now, I hope your running a muck up in heaven and doing what you love to do. You were the best dog anyone could ask for and I'm going to miss you forever baby girl. I love you and I'll see you again one day! Xoxoxoxoxo 

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry to learn of the accidental death of your dear dog, and I think the letter you've written to her is beautiful. Your story reminds me of my own experience when my beloved cockapoo Muffin was hit by a car and died. He escaped from our yard and went missing for hours, until a stranger spotted him lying in a ditch by the side of the road. It happened nearly 30 years ago, and I still miss him.

I know from experience that an accident like this can leave you with a load of guilt, wondering what if anything you could have done to prevent it. If that is the case for you, you may find this helpful: Radio Interview on Pet Loss And Guilt

[Marj37]

Hi Jolyne---

What an absolutely beautiful letter to your honey.  Love every word of it.

In fact, I think all of us here could write the same love words to the companion we have lost in whatever way they had to leave us.   And add to the tremendous loss it is holiday time when we many of us don't much feel like being "merry and bright".  You don't have to feel that or any other way.  What is is what you go with for the hour or the day. .  

The memorial display of her pictures is just perfect.   If you have a photo of her to share we'd love to see it.

[kayc]

Jolyne,

I cried as I read your letter to your dog.  It so beautifully describes your beautiful relationship.  Honey was your heart dog, as Arlie is mine.  Every once in a while in our lifetime, we are so blessed with a special relationship with that person or dog that was just made for us.

No matter when they leave us, it's too soon.

My heart goes out to you in your loss.

[MissMyCatSon]

That's so sweet of you, throwing her ashes in the lake with her ball, that really made me cry. I am sure that is so hard comforting her friends left behind. I know that I cry every time I see Charlie wander the house looking for him, or start at a noise thinking it might be his brother. When I brought my Simon's carrier home, empty, his brother Charlie was so confused and kept sniffing it all over. Our animal friends know when they have lost someone too. I hope your other companions bring you some comfort. It sounded as though your baby girl was so loved, and I'm sure she knew it every day. I think that's the best we can hope to do for them: give them a good life, as long as we can make it, and give them as much love as humanly possible. Thank you for sharing your story. 

[Jolyne]

20 hours ago, Marj37 said:

Hi Jolyne---

What an absolutely beautiful letter to your honey.  Love every word of it.

In fact, I think all of us here could write the same love words to the companion we have lost in whatever way they had to leave us.   And add to the tremendous loss it is holiday time when we many of us don't much feel like being "merry and bright".  You don't have to feel that or any other way.  What is is what you go with for the hour or the day. .  

The memorial display of her pictures is just perfect.   If you have a photo of her to share we'd love to see it.

 

IMG_3129.mov

[Jolyne]

[Jolyne]

[Jolyne]

Here are a couple pictures and a video of her with the others, she really was such an amazing dog and her and buddy were so close.. He was there when she got hit and I knew something was wrong when he came home alone because they always stay together.. I miss her terribly and I'm having a hard time:( thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm having her cremated as well and going to include my letter and her ball. My husband also wrote a song for her. She touched a lot of hearts so many tears have been shed. I just hope I can eventually accept her death and not feel so sad, I have a 4 year old and a 3 month old baby as well who need me to be me again so this is really tough:( 

[Jolyne]

[Jolyne]

[kayc]

Absolutely precious, I esp. love the picture with them sleeping together.  I'm sure Buddy is missing her too.

[kayc]

I just viewed the movie clip, that was great!!  I could never do that with our Huskies, kids would end up in the next county!

[Jolyne]

Buddy is taking it really hard.. He is not himself and I'm worried about him. We are all trying to heal  I'm glad to share some pictures! 

[MartyT]

I'm also sorry to learn that your dear Buddy is grieving right along with you, but I'm not at all surprised.  Common sense tells us that, just as we form attachments to our companion animals, they form attachments to each other as well. Judging by the pictures you've shared, it's clear that these two were quite close to each other. When death separated them, it's understandable that the one left behind can become distressed. I can assure you that I've read, heard about and experienced myself many examples of animals reacting strongly to the death of their companions (human and animal) with symptoms of separation anxiety. It's also possible that Buddy is sensing distress in you and in other family members (as well as that of others who've come to visit), and is reacting to any changes in routine that accompanied this loss. When you think about it, how animals behave (with anxiety, restlessness, depression, crying and searching) is very similar to how we humans behave when we're grieving.

 

Here are some suggestions that might help you to help Buddy ~ and you're probably already using some of them:

- Keep his daily routine as unchanged as you can, so it remains as predictable, familiar and consistent as possible.
- Provide comfort by leaving the radio or television on when leaving the house.
- Stick to his normal feeding routine. Even though you may be tempted to offer special treats at such a sad time, you don't want to reward his refusal to eat regular meals.  

- If he seems to want it, give him extra attention, petting and affection, but try to do so when he is behaving in desirable ways (with toys, games and exercise). Again, you don't want to reinforce negative behavior, and you don't  want to force yourself upon himr.  (Some animals who've always been friendly may behave in a hostile or aggressive way — another symptom of grief.)
- It may help to let him see and smell Honey's "things" (collar, grooming brush, bedding, etc.).  Some people recommend actually sitting down and "explaining" to the animal what happened to their companion. Your dog won't understand every word, but your gentle touch and the soothing tone of your voice will provide some comfort. 

- Give him time to adjust to this very big change in his life.  Like you, he is missing Honey and more than anything he needs you to be patient with him.

 

You might find these articles of interest also:

 

Pets and Grief: How Can I Help My Pet Who Is Grieving?

 

How to Help Your Pet Heal From Another Pet's Death  

[enna]

Your pictures and video touched my heart. I am so very sorry that Honey is no longer with you. And I know you will continue to give your Buddy all your love. Marty has some great thoughts and I used some of the very ones when my Benji died. Peace to your heart.

Anne

[Jolyne]

Thank you so much guys, he will get better in as will I.. I never knew this could hurt so bad, I always imagined what life would be like without her because she was always a runner but when it actually happens it hits really hard.. It's almost surreal like it can't be! I've never suffered a loss like this and it's tough but I guess it won't be the first time in my life and I'll know what to expect next time. I'm glad I joined those in because although it made me cry more, it helped me realize that I'm not alone and I feel better about that. It helps to talk about it. People say I should keep my mind on other things but it's almost impossible.. 

[kayc]

I would find it impossible too, Jolyne.  It's the hardest thing in the world.  (((hugs)))

[Jolyne]

I keep thinking about her and I miss her so much... I cry every morning cuz she's not here and I have to picture her death to believe it everyday:( this is so hard and I am starting to feel better and starting to accept that she's gone but I guess it comes in waves and that's the hardest.. I've been reading some good books about death and dying and it has been helping. 

[kayc]

Such is the grief journey, it's hard, isn't it.   The acceptance is so slow as to not be perceivable as we're going through it.  Whatever routines that you had, whatever you were used to doing with her, those being absent are now triggers.  And the missing...

I wish there was some way to help you through it, I know how hard it is, been there too many times.  It's weird but even years later, I still miss them, each one in their own way.

[Jolyne]

I keep replaying the whole scenario in my head, her and buddy running together then her getting hit and lying on the road:( I don't understand why I keep replaying this, it's like I keep wishing it never happened and we were back at 2 weeks ago when I could snuggle her and love her again:( I guess that may be the bargaining stage in the grieving process... I keep telling myself that I can't change anything but I can't help but feel so sad! I know it will get easier in time tho.. Thanks for your insight:) 

[MartyT]

It's also your mind's way of telling you what your heart does't want to accept, Jolyne. Besides, this was a traumatic accident, and flashing back to the scene is normal too, even though it's so painful to endure. If this persists, you might try listening to some guided imagery as a way to re-program and change those awful images in your mind. See, for example, Guided Imagery for Post-Traumatic Stress and A Meditation to Ease Grief. (We often recommend Belleruth Naparstek's wonderful CDs as an effective, safe, at-home tool for healing.)

[Jolyne]

Thank you, I'm sure the images will diminish in time, I just still can't believe she's gone and I miss her so much:( I've been crying less and it's easier to talk about her now, my other dog buddy is doing better and I know I have to be strong for him as well as my children. My son is only 4 and he doesn't really understand but I haven't sugar coated it for him. He knows she's not coming home now. I just really loved that dog and the bond we had was so strong, I could literally read her mind all the time lol . She was such a character, too smart for her own good I guess. I hope she is in heaven having a great time:) there's is no concept of time there so she won't even know how long it is from the time I see her again. I read the book proof of heaven and it was really great. It helped a lot even tho I have faith, it's hard to not have doubts during a time like this. Thanks so much. 

[MartyT]

You are so welcome, my dear ~ and I hope this article will offer some comfort, too: Pet Loss: Do Pets Go to Heaven?  ♥