Gin Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 Watching the news. They were talking about famous people who "left us" this past year. Our loved ones were not included! The most important ones! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 31, 2015 Report Share Posted December 31, 2015 They mentioned the famous, not the most important. It's a poignant time for those who have lost someone this year. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted January 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 Kay,..it sure is. Friends invited to go as a 3rd wheel for dinner. Just cannot do it. What a wet blanket I would be! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 50 minutes ago, Gin said: Watching the news. They were talking about famous people who "left us" this past year. Our loved ones were not included! The most important ones! Dear Gin, God is not interested in riches or fame as in heaven there´s no place for things like that.He is interested in love and good deeds worthy of heaven.Our loved ones who lived like this will be there walking towards us when our time comes.I like the way you think about it.Wish you a peace and send you my sincere hugs! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 They do not mention.....but, I shall........Happy New Year in Heaven, my beloved, Connor Carroll Clark......the MOST important person in my life.....until we are together again, I hold you in my heart, and my soul.....for as long as it takes until our reunion.....I love you, brat....the MOST! xoxo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaltC Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 2 hours ago, kayc said: They mentioned the famous, not the most important. It's a poignant time for those who have lost someone this year. kayc - I am sure that you would agree that its also a poignant time for those of us who lost someone several years ago. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 7 minutes ago, WaltC said: kayc - I am sure that you would agree that its also a poignant time for those of us who lost someone several years ago. Dear WaltC, of course it is.For me it´s been 4 years,1 month and 3 weeks since my beloved man Jan died and it seems to me like yesterday. Nice to meet you on here! Hugs from Janka PS:Wish you Happy New Year 2016! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaltC Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 Thanks Janka - hugs are always appreciated. Happy 2016 to you also - nice to meet you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 Walt, it is. My thinking was for those who lost someone this year, they are now leaving that year behind...the last year in which they had them, that makes it ultra hard for them. For those of us who have lost someone years ago, we haven't had them this year so there won't be a significant change in the new year. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 I am heading into my 2nd year at just over 14 months. I hope the pain does become less significant. I know the love will never change. But for now, I m still in that place that I keep missing him more on a daily basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 Hearing "Happy New Year" has a different taste when everyone you love doesn't get to join you. I want to say "what's so happy about it?" I am feeling depressed again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 5 hours ago, hollowheart said: Hearing "Happy New Year" has a different taste when everyone you love doesn't get to join you. I want to say "what's so happy about it?" I am feeling depressed again. I get that.....already sick & tired of the very phrase "Happy New Year". I can wish it for others...but, for me it is NOT going to be happy....how can it be, when part of my soul has left? I've also had a number of well meaning people tell me "At least this horrible year will be behind you now"......like that makes the pain lessen? Not a whit...not helpful....but they just don't understand, and I know they are "trying"....so I just nod and keep on my brave mask. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 WolfsKat, I've already been "scolded" at not having a positive outlook. Well, excuse me for forgetting my Personality Change Pill. All my "trying" friends make my anger and bitterness increase. I woke up crying. My optimistic button is broken. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom's angel Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 15 hours ago, kayc said: Walt, it is. My thinking was for those who lost someone this year, they are now leaving that year behind...the last year in which they had them, that makes it ultra hard for them. For those of us who have lost someone years ago, we haven't had them this year so there won't be a significant change in the new year. So true,2016 was just 1month and few days away when my mom died. It's like I'm leaving my life behind in 2015. 2016 just don't feel right..when the important things were going to happen in my life, the most important person was taken away. 11 hours ago, hollowheart said: Hearing "Happy New Year" has a different taste when everyone you love doesn't get to join you. I want to say "what's so happy about it?" I am feeling depressed again. I understand your feelings hollowheart. They all text happy new year to me but I didn't liked that. The same thing will happen on my birthday now. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 5 hours ago, hollowheart said: WolfsKat, I've already been "scolded" at not having a positive outlook. Well, excuse me for forgetting my Personality Change Pill. All my "trying" friends make my anger and bitterness increase. I woke up crying. My optimistic button is broken. I understand. One "friend" has already told me that I should just "move on" and not "wallow in my grief"......HELLO.....it's been only a bit over 10 weeks since Connor died!!! I will "move on" when I'm damned good and ready to, and I can "wallow" all I wish to.....this is MY loss, MY grief!!!! I said as much, too.....guess I've lost a "friend" (don't care). This is a good thing I've gotten from being here in this forum.....I have the RIGHT to deal with my grief as best as I can, and how I see fit....it's somewhat empowering! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 13 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I am heading into my 2nd year at just over 14 months. I hope the pain does become less significant. I know the love will never change. But for now, I m still in that place that I keep missing him more on a daily basis. Dear Gwen, it´s been 4 years for me now and I´m still missing him daily,every second of my life and will always be,no matter how much time passes by,but I´m aware of your raw pain in early stages when everyone have to look for own ways how to cope with.I wish you from the heart to find a peace in these times.You´ll find a way to make it easier for you,too. With love Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 32 minutes ago, WolfsKat said: I understand. One "friend" has already told me that I should just "move on" and not "wallow in my grief"......HELLO.....it's been only a bit over 10 weeks since Connor died!!! I will "move on" when I'm damned good and ready to, and I can "wallow" all I wish to.....this is MY loss, MY grief!!!! I said as much, too.....guess I've lost a "friend" (don't care). This is a good thing I've gotten from being here in this forum.....I have the RIGHT to deal with my grief as best as I can, and how I see fit....it's somewhat empowering! It is empowering. I got an email yesterday from Steve's best friend wondering why I still up have his van. He has no idea how awful that was to ask as the answer is simple. It is Steve's and I am not prepared to see that a large empty space when I come home to what I already know is waiting. If someone said to me at 10 weeks I was wallowing, I am not sure I could control my temper. This is MY grief and I have to deal with it my way. I really got angry this past week thinking of how people think that more time alone should have me feeling better. Really? To be plunged into a now lonely and empty life and I should be used to it by now? They have no idea of the countless hours we now have that were filled just by living with our partners. The daily conversations and shared things like meals and TV or whatever was eaches routine. I don't know what these people think we are doing that is 'wrong', but I'd challenge them to try it a year or so and get back to me about how it worked out for them living in the silence if what once was a home filled with life. Grief rewrites your address book, keep finding that out as the time passes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 1 hour ago, WolfsKat said: One "friend" has already told me that I should just "move on" and not "wallow in my grief"......HELLO.....it's been only a bit over 10 weeks since Connor died!!! I will "move on" when I'm damned good and ready to, and I can "wallow" all I wish to.....this is MY loss, MY grief!!!! I said as much, too.....guess I've lost a "friend" (don't care). This is a good thing I've gotten from being here in this forum.....I have the RIGHT to deal with my grief as best as I can, and how I see fit....it's somewhat empowering! Dear WolfsKat, I know what you´re talking about.The same day as I got to know that my beloved man Jan died,I met my colleague to talk to as there was no one to meet me then,and the only thing she knew to talk about,was that I have to accept it and find someone else to be with.Tell you,my friend,these cruel words I had to hear,were the only ones I got to listen to as there was no one else to make it easier for me.She never lost her husband and had no imagination how hard it was for me,but I stood those words so thankful there was someone close to me.As time passes by,I stop meeting her,because she has never understood how much it hurt me and still hurts looking at her,so I just sent her a message at Christmas,nothing more.I fully understand how it feels for you and tell you,keep trying ignore those people wanting to push you doing the things you are not able to do.It´s your precious loss,not them. Wish you a peaceful holidays! Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 1, 2016 Report Share Posted January 1, 2016 8 hours ago, WolfsKat said: I get that.....already sick & tired of the very phrase "Happy New Year". I can wish it for others...but, for me it is NOT going to be happy....how can it be, when part of my soul has left? I've also had a number of well meaning people tell me "At least this horrible year will be behind you now"......like that makes the pain lessen? Not a whit...not helpful....but they just don't understand, and I know they are "trying"....so I just nod and keep on my brave mask. Unfortunately saying the phrase is the norm. I look back on recent years and say....2010, surgery for Steve's cancer. 2013, spread leads to more surgery, 2014 our dog is diagnosed with incurable cancer (all these in January) and Steve dies that year in October. 2015, I start a year alone and now that the calendar has flipped over again, I face another year where happy and a new year just don't compute in my world right now. I do not begrudge pekoe feeling happy and their 'new' starts/resolutions. Just leave me alone is what I want to say. But I nod too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Dear TH! I´m very sorry for your loss!It´s very hard journey we all have to go through,no matter how much time passes by.I´m glad that you´ve found this board as well as all of us longing for a comfort,support and understanding through this journey od grieving.Wish you to find here what you´re looking for. Hugs from Janka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 4 hours ago, Gwenivere said: I don't know what these people think we are doing that is 'wrong', but I'd challenge them to try it a year or so and get back to me about how it worked out for them living in the silence if what once was a home filled with life. Perfectly put! I like that, and may even use that analogy if pushed again....thanks, Gwenivere! Good "ammo"! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Gwenivere, I don't know what business it is for his friend to even make a comment about why you still have his van. Sorry, but totally YOUR business, not his! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 Thank you, Kay. This was also the person who told me to 'choose life' meaning time to feel better because Steve would want me to. You know the type, the ones that go home to their intact lives thinking we are feeling as we do by choice. Not being a vindictive person, I hope nothing happens to his wife. He adores her. Just wish he could comprehend I felt that about Steve. Or maybe he does and that scares him. Perhaps he is looking to me to calm his fears. Sorry to say, I can't do that for him. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted January 2, 2016 Report Share Posted January 2, 2016 19 hours ago, WolfsKat said: I understand. One "friend" has already told me that I should just "move on" and not "wallow in my grief"......HELLO.....it's been only a bit over 10 weeks since Connor died!!! I will "move on" when I'm damned good and ready to, and I can "wallow" all I wish to.....this is MY loss, MY grief!!!! I said as much, too.....guess I've lost a "friend" (don't care). This is a good thing I've gotten from being here in this forum.....I have the RIGHT to deal with my grief as best as I can, and how I see fit....it's somewhat empowering! 10 weeks is nothing, and to say you're 'wallowing' is very hurtful. When we are out of sight we are out of mind and behind closed doors others have no idea the hurt and trauma we are still going through. Because they don't see it or us at all for that matter, they forget about us and as time starts going by they are like "Oh, it's been about 3 months, she should be doing better by now." It all just comes back to they have moved on and don't want to hear or talk about it anymore. Also, if someone feels like they sucked it up and "moved on" during their grief, they expect the same from you. I have found that out from at least one person. I believe she is projecting how she dealt with loss on to me, and because she just "moved on" and "toughed it out" that I should too. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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