Paul S Posted February 15, 2006 Report Share Posted February 15, 2006 I have a question. In all the grief counseling and in all the griefwork reading that I've done, one common theme is that we are all supposed to grieve in our own way.But what happens when two styles of grieving are in conflict? Just to illustrate: my Mom died in November. My sister is the executor of the estate. After Mom's death she swooped into the house and took up shop and promptly assumed control. (I had lived with Ma for the past 10 years. She died at 89, and I was her caregiver for most of those 10 years.)My darling sister's style of grieving was to do whatever she could to take her mind off of things, which meant that within hours of Ma's death my sister was going thru desk drawers and cabinets and commenced to sort and toss things out. Before Ma's funeral and burial 2 day later there were at least a dozen or so big, huge garbage bags of things tossed out. I am a whole lot more sensitive and would have appreciated to have at least waited until Mom was buried before sorting and tossing. I would have liked to have waited a week. Just to absorb the loss, start mourning and figuring out all this grieving stuff. I never got the chance. I feel that something was stolen from me, no opportunity to just sit and reflect and take in the loss in familiar surroundings. The place was practically torn apart. One week later there was a dumpster in the drivway to finish off whatever else was left to discard. So, back to the question: How do you reconcile two very different styles of grieving? My way excludes my sister's way, and her way definitly prevented mine. (I ended up going for long walks just to get out of there. This practice started a resentment from my sister and brother-in-law in that I never helped them in the sorting and tossing. I wasn't helpful and they're angry/disappointed with me. (tuff) This has evolved into a rift and we're not speaking. (Yippee) I do not apologize for anything for I've done what I needed to do and I actually sleep rather well, thanks! (Contrary to most reports on the bereaved, I've not suffered from insomnia. I do go to bed a few hours before I normally, so if anything I'm sleeping more).Anyway, that's that. There seems to be a contradiction that I've not seen addressed, that being how can two people freely grieve in close quarters when their grieving style basically cancel each other out, like matter and anti-matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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