almost 3 months in

[19andlost]

So in about a couple weeks, it will be the 3 month anniversary of my boyfriend's passing. I am still always very sad, even when I am laughing or smiling. The sadness is deep and sometimes it resurfaces and the pain still resembles the pain I felt in the first couple days. I still cry almost everyday and when I am alone the unbearable pain finds me. Additionally, my friends and family don't understand. My parents want to see me happy so badly so I feel as though they are another set of people I have to put on a fake face to. My friends have stopped asking about me and it seems as though they have forgotten. Everyone assumes I am doing just fine, when I am not. I am not okay and I won't be for awhile. It hasn't even been three months and some people still ask why I am sad. People still wonder why I have bad days and don't want to go out. What are my friends and family going to do when it has been 6 months and I am still sad and heartbroken? It is exhausting to put on a fake face and now I feel that I have to in front of my closest friends and family. I feel even more alone. My boyfriend was my best friend and he was someone I knew I could count on. I knew I could be myself in front of him and never had to put on a fake face. Now he has left me and I am so alone. I feel so lonely and it terrifies me to think this will only get worse as time goes on and more and more people start to forget.

[rdownes]

Like you it has been almost three months for and like you I still cry everyday and feel sad, your friends and family will never completely understand unless they have been through it and even then everyone's grief journey is their own I do not think we need to pretend to be anyone than the grieving people we are, I will not fake anything for anyone I do smile now but it is genuine not forced. You take as long as needed it is your loss I understand and feel your pain you are not alone. Robin

[kayc]

It's ludicrous to think anyone would be "fine" at three months out!  Or a year out or two years!  I'd level with my parents and friends and tell them a grief journey is long and arduous, that no matter how much effort you put in, at the end of the day you still miss him and there's reminders everywhere.

I'm sorry for your loss and for your pain.

[Widowedbysuicide]

I too am sorry for all that is happening in your life.  Caring for yourself is the most important thing you can do right now.  If you can be honest with family and friends it will lift a huge burden you are carrying.

You are so young to have to such a difficult time.  I hope you will find support and caring here and seek assistance from a grief councellor.