Froggie4635

Sudden Loss

8 posts in this topic

I was wondering if it were possible to add a topic for those who lost a loved one suddenly and unexpectedly.  It might be a good area for all those who experienced to help and understand the shock.  We have a topic for those who are anticipating their loved ones death...losing someone suddenly is so different.  In fact, there will soon be an opportunity through Grief Diaries to add their story.  I suggested it to Lynda and she added "Sudden Loss" to the list of books to be started this month.  I have been in the anticipatory position, when we waited for my mom to die from cancer (it was a short 11 days); losing Mark with NO preparation was so very different, and harder to deal with.  Might really like to work through that topic here on the forum.

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It's certainly something to consider, Maryann. Sudden, unexpected loss is quite different from a death that comes after a long illness. Still, I'm never sure if it's wise to separate ourselves into too many different forums, as some members tend to stay in just one forum, never venturing outside to see what is posted elsewhere or to offer their support to those attracted to other forums. As an example, last summer I was asked to open a forum aimed at millennials. To date that forum (Loss in Young Adulthood) has received a total of 81 posts, compared to our Loss of a Spouse, Partner or SO showing over 74,000 posts.

Perhaps we can ask other members to weigh in on this idea?

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I think it might be something to ask everyone.  I know that grief is grief and loss is loss, but I go to the Widow Village and they have a topic of Suddenly Widowed.  That one is REAL specific and I can focus specifically on being a suddenly widowed person.  I know the topic would kind of cross over many topics, but it is so specific.  Why do you think everyone posts in the Spouse category, even if they haven't lost a spouse (which I really felt wasn't right) is because the Spouse category gets the MOST hits and responses.  I would probably spend more of my time in the sudden loss category than the spouse one.  I do not know how many of our spouse posters also go to the anticipatory category.  I wouldn't hurt to ask.

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If you go to the main page of our site, Maryann, where all our forums are listed, you will see the number of posts in each forum. The numbers appear between the forum description and the name of the person who made the most recent post in that forum. As for numbers of who goes where just to read (without posting or responding to a post), we have no way of knowing. The site only displays actual post counts. 

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This is a tough one, Maryann. I understand your thought in having another thread. I must admit, I was one when in my early grief I read only the loss of spouse thread for a very long time. Later, I started to read other threads. I never go to some of the specific threads and I’m afraid I’d miss your posts if we were to have yet another thread for Sudden Loss. A loss is a loss and I find it helpful to see what others are thinking. That is why I believe there are so many who post in the Loss of Spouse thread. There is a separate thread now for young people who have lost someone and I do not read there. I think we miss something if we become too specific. Anyway, that is what I think.

Anne

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The anticipatory loss is there because they haven't yet physically lost the person but they're grieving nonetheless.  They might not feel comfortable in Loss of Spouse (or Loss of Mother, or other relationship) because death hasn't technically occurred yet.

Sudden death IS quite different from one where there's been long term anticipation, but the adjustments have some similarities as well as differences.  When I've encountered a loss that's occurred differently than mine I've still been able to relate because I've experienced both types and because there is still a lot of common ground.

I agree that many do not venture out of Loss of Spouse section, I'm afraid if we start a different section, they won't get as much response or it might fragment the core that we do have.  Perhaps starting a THREAD inside Loss of Spouse for Sudden Death would be a solution.

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Never mind the idea.  Just delete the thread.  I guess I will just venture over to Widow Village.  

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Maryann,

I'm sorry that is how you are feeling.  That's certainly not any of our intent or hope.  You asked our opinions so I gave you mine, I didn't mean to upset you or run you off, not at all!  I've always valued you here and now I feel terrible.  :(

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