Our Baby Boy, Our Joy, Gone Too Soon...did I Make The Right Decision?

[oceanlover111]

On Friday, May 16th I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life, and I still struggle with it. Our beautiful happy baby boy Shih Tzu Cole was only three years old. We got him as a puppy and he was the best boy ever. He had gone through so much in his short life. Intasusespion (spelling?) at one, almost died, but made it through. Then my daughter accidently scratched his eye, corneal ulcer and many visits to the hospital to save the eye. Needless to say the vet bills were very high, but I had got a Care Credit card just for that reason. Then in May, Cole got sick. I didn't see the signs. His pee was darker, I thought he wasn't drinking enough, so I made sure he had plenty of fresh water, which he drank and drank. Then he got picky about his eating. I had just started a new job and thought he was sad because I wasn't home as much. Then he stopped eating completely. That was on a Sunday and I took him to the vets on Monday. He was immediately diagnosed with acute liver failure. I had no idea, everything happened so fast. The vet said he had to go to the hospital, but I didn't have enough money to do that and he wasn't sure he would even make it. I signed the papers and took him home for outpatient treatment. I did sub-q fluids IV twice a day and antibiotics. I thought he was getting a bit better. Then Thursday night he wouldn't let me do the IV. Friday morning no IV either, he yelped when I even pinched his skin. He started hiding from the bag and me......I called the vet and took him in earlier than his scheduled visit. I got home to take him and he was just sitting in his crate, looking at me lovingly but unable to get up just then. I told him it was ok, he was tired and didn't feel well. Off the to vets. Then came the worst.....his toxin levels were elevated and he lost another pound in under a week. He was sicker than I knew. The vet said he could give him a shot to make him eat and fill him full of fluids. I looked at Cole and my gut instinct was not to put my baby through any more torture. No more IVs, no more meds. He was getting worse by the day. I asked the vet if I should put him to sleep and he said it was my choice. He wasn't very reassuring. I knew in my heart that I didn't want Cole to suffer anymore and that he was failing quickly. The vet thinks he ingested a toxic mushroom or something else toxic. It broke my heart, but I made the decision to let him go. I cradled him in my arms as they got ready. Told him no more needles, or meds, just happiness. As the tears rolled down my face Cole looked up and kissed me. Then he was gone....I miss my baby boy every day and still cry everyday hoping I made the right decision. He was my everything. His chances were not good and I couldn't stand to have him suffer another day, week or month. I pray to God everyday that I did the right thing by him. I loved that little boy more than anyone could know...

[Leftover]

Saying goodbye to my pretty girl a year and a half ago was the hardest decision I have ever been faced with. I think about her every day and miss her more than words can say. I don't think there is any way to prepare for making that decision and when the time comes, you make it because you know in your heart it's the right one. Cole loves you and knows that, more than anything, you want him to be happy with no more pain or suffering. I know it's not easy to do, but try not to beat yourself up too badly over doing the best you could for him. I am so sorry for your loss.

[kayc]

I'm sorry I missed the earlier post, I would have responded sooner. Oceanlover, I am so sorry you lost your Cole. How are you doing, it's been a few weeks now.

You too, Leftover, I am sorry you are missing your pet too, I know how hard it is.

[oceanlover111]

Thank you all for your kind words, I'm so happy to have found this forum. Letting Cole go was awful. Reading other peoples stories do help me though. I'm still heartbroken, cry every day when I come home to the empty house. Still looking for answers that I know I'll never find as to why did this happen. He was the best boy ever :-)

[Leftover]

I don't think there are answers for some things. They just happen and all you can do is try to get by as best you can.

[enna]

I am so sorry to hear of your Cole's death. Your tender care and concern of the comfort of your pet comes out in your post. I think you had your pet's best interest when you made the choice to stop all the artificial means to prolong Cole's life. You were thinking of your pet and did not want to prolong his suffering.

There are many articles about pet euthanasia and I found this one to be helpful to me:

http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/04/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-euthanasia.html

I know the heartache and trauma of losing a beloved pet. I lost my Benji in 2013. As Leftover said it is a hard decision but one you know is the right one.

Anne

[oceanlover111]

It's been three months to the day since I lost my beautiful boy. I still am grieving more than anyone could know. I still go over the what ifs and could have, should have's....I know I shouldn't, it won't change anything. I'm trying hard to move forward and remember all the love and joy Cole brought to us, but am still blindsided by the fact that he really is gone and nothing will change that. I know in my heart that I made the best decision I could that day for him. I pray for everyone here that has had to make that decision for their furbaby as well. To let them go is the hardest thing ever, even if it is the right thing. Guess I just wanted to post and memorialize three months of missing my baby boy.

[MartyT]

It's okay, my friend ~ we do understand. Next Friday marks the third anniversary of the death of my beloved Beringer, and I've been thinking about him for days. (In fact, yesterday was his birthday.) Actually I think about him every day, and I miss him still. It's only been three months for you. Carry Cole in your heart, hold onto the love you shared, and keep those memories alive. ♥

[enna]

It is indeed so very hard to lose a beloved pet. It is good that you are keeping your Cole alive with your memories. We will always remember our pets.

Oh, Marty, I remember when I first saw the video and your writing of your beloved Beringer. Keeping you close as you come up to the third anniversary of his death. I can't help but think that all of our beloved pets are having one grand time on the other side of Rainbow Bridge.

[MartyT]

I share that belief with you, dear Anne, and I think Beringer and Benji are the best of friends, watching over us here and waiting patiently for us, until we cross that bridge to join them ♥

[kayc]

Two weeks tomorrow it will be one year since I lost our beloved Skye...I still miss him, still tear up, and think of him often. How can we not miss them when they have been so much to us?! I often look out over the back yard where he is buried and think about the memories we shared. It's normal to miss them long after they've died. And I don't think there's a one of us that doesn't harbor regrets...the thing is to recognize the great life we gave them and to minimize the regrets. Maybe it was just a time they wanted attention and we were busy. We all wish we could change a moment. But the truth is, we were really good fur-parents and we need to recognize that.

[oceanlover111]

I know this post may seem too long, but something is compelling me to share a poem I wrote for Cole shortly after his passing....I still miss him every day.

My Baby Boy:

I'm so sorry you are gone

I'm so sorry I didn't see

I would change everything

if you were just back with me

I saw that you would wag your tail

how you would still smile and play

I didn't see the signs

that you really weren't ok

It happened all, oh so fast

one minute you were fine

but when you stopped eating treats and snacks

I knew it in my mind

I called the vet, took you right away

but things were really bad

I never thought I'd actually lose you

you were the best friend that I had

We tried the meds

We even tried IV

but your little body

was going too quickly

I hope the choices I had to make

were the right ones for you

I couldn't stand to see you suffer

another day, or week or two

I loved you more than words can say

and wanted you to know

I'm so sorry my baby boy

that I had to let you go.

You are forever in my heart, I love you Cole,

Big Mama

[kayc]

That's a beautiful tribute to your special boy.