Sweetpe1 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2015 Thank you all so much I have always been a strong person in dealing with what ever life throws at me. I guess my doctor seen how an emotional wreck I am and thought the medication might help. I have decided to just take one day at a time and hope my heartache will ease some without the use of medication. A grief councilor may be my next move if I don't start to feel better soon. There is so many thoughts going through my head . My biggest problem is I know my mom did not want to go. She was not ready to leave her family. I listen to some people talk about how there mother or father passed away peacefully and was ready but my mom wasn't. Don't get me wrong by saying this because I'm sure nobody wants to pass away and leave there family . Its just through out life you hear how peacefully some people go and this didn't happen to my poor mom. This thought continues to go through my mind and I wish my moms death would have been more peaceful. I will try to carry on . I have to carry on . I will pray to the good lord to help me get through this . Thank you all so much Heidi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 4, 2015 Report Share Posted July 4, 2015 Most animals go peacefully when they're put to sleep but that was not the case with my Lucky, she died fighting it, and it was horrid to watch, it left me feeling very unsettled (my whippet). I can imagine how you must have felt when your mom's going wasn't peaceful. I guess the only consolation is that NOW she is finally peaceful and at rest. That helps me with my mom too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 Hi KayC I'm sorry you had to witness the passing of your dog. I also lost a dog about a year ago. I had him for 10 years . For most people our pets become part of the family . Losing them is very hard to accept also. I keep thinking we must carry on in life and never question god. I guess god has a plan for all of us . Its just so hard to understand and accept. God Bless Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 6, 2015 Report Share Posted July 6, 2015 Sometimes it is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted July 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2015 Hello everyone I'm dropping in to say Hello to all and I hope you had a nice 4th of July . As for me I'm struggling to get through each day. It's so hard to carry on with out someone that you love so much and who has been in your everyday life. It's truly a heart break . Myself and my two sisters are slowly going through moms belongings . Each time we try to split up some things it turns into just crying and we just stop and say we'll do this another day. I think this is the hardest thing I have ever endured. My mom has such a beautiful garden around her home . I know she would be upset if it wasn't kept up . Today I will get myself together and go water her flowers. It's things like this that must be done but causes such grief. I pray for each of you also . Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jame57 Posted July 10, 2015 Report Share Posted July 10, 2015 Hello Heidi, It's good to hear from you. I don't envy you your heartbreaking task of sorting through your mum's things. When my mum died my brother kindly cleared her clothes out and put most of her other belongings in the attic. A year later it's still there. I can't face throwing any of her stuff out. I totally agree it's so hard living without someone you love so much and was (and in another way, still is) part of your everyday life. Sorry you're struggling to get through each day...taking it a day at a time is all you can do Heidi. I'll pray for you too. Take care now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 11, 2015 Report Share Posted July 11, 2015 Thinking of you, Heide and hoping it gets easier to get through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted July 14, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 Hello Jame57 and KayC I hope you all are doing ok. As for me I'm hanging in there . Seems like the days are just going by and before I know it my poor mom will be gone for months then years. It just breaks my heart to think about it. It seems like yesterday that my dad passed and its already 6 years. I've been slowly trying to pull myself together and trying to get out of the house some. I have 3 grandsons who play baseball for the local recreation park in our home town. I started to attend the games just to get out a bit. It was kind of hard because my mom loved to watch the grandsons play baseball . She would always call and say "Do the boys have a game tonight" . Mom enjoyed getting out and socializing some since dad passed away. It was an outing for her during her grieving stage over dad. Now its just me sitting without mom . It doesn't feel to good but I'm pushing myself for the rest of my family, I hope you all are doing ok . I know you must struggle also. As for me I continue to have the thoughts of mom during her last weeks before she passed. Its really sad thoughts . I hope in time some happy memories will come to mind. Prayers Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jame57 Posted July 14, 2015 Report Share Posted July 14, 2015 Hello Heidi, I must admit I'm still struggling too and get upset as my memories of mum still focus on the final couple of weeks of her life. The days just float by for me too and before long another week has gone by....then a month...and yet I wonder how with this pain can time keep going. Glad you're getting out of the house though Heidi. You are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 15, 2015 Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 Heidi, it's been over 33 years since my dad passed and I can honestly say I still miss him. It hits you when you least expect it...when there's something in life you wish to share with him, or when there's someone you wish could have known him (like your kids, grandkids). It never entirely goes away, you just learn to live with it. Losing the last parent, however, is more complicated. That is the last of the biological parents that raised/knew you, loved you unconditionally. They always knew you, when you were born, when you started school, when you were a teenager, when you started college, landed your first job, got married. They saw you develop, mature, turn into the person you are. You got your hair, your smile, your way of looking at things, your body type, pretty much everything from them. No one else will ever quite know you in the same way. Is it any wonder that we feel we've lost part of our history, as well as the person we mourn? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 Hi everyone I just thought I'd drop in to say hello. Nothing has really changed much for me. Still the same grief and so much sadness in my home. MY sister came to visit because were still dealing with moms finances and belongings. We didn't get much of anything done . It's still just to hard on us . Mom was a very organized person . Everything she had was so well packed in storage containers and labeled. We were amazed at all the pictures mom had of each family member and there families .Every picture in certain photo albums and labeled. She had pictures of her parents and brothers. All so neat and labeled . Me and my two sisters spent hours looking trough the albums. We ended up leaving everything in her home again and decided to separate it at a later date. I guess we just hate to reach the point where nothing is there anymore. I'm sure once we sell moms house it will be a big heart break all over again. We will just take our time with everything. Hopefully in time we get stronger at heart. I pray for each of you also. I know you grief is just as sad as mine. Its not a good feeling at all. God Bless Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 18, 2015 Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 It's very hard, going through their belongings after their gone. I didn't have to do that because everything was left to my brother. I would have helped him but the day he scheduled to go through everything it snowed so much I couldn't travel. My heart goes out to you, I am glad you have your sister to go through this with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 KayC This is really taking a horrible toll on me. Tonight I sit here and such anger can over me. Tears running down my face. Telling my self There just has to be a way I can talk to my mom again. She cant be gone and never coming back. Is this really real . I feel like this cant be real. My god the sadness I'm feeling I have never felt before. I just cant accept this. Night after night I don't sleep. I sit hear and think and think . Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jame57 Posted July 19, 2015 Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 Heida, I am still in the same place as you, not believing my mum has gone. Thinking "but my mum would never leave us".... Keep talking to her though Heidi and believe she can hear you through the veil. If it were not for this I doubt I could carry on. A massive wave of grief and despair has hit me today and although I know it should pass it has taken me to such a low (the worst for a long time) and I feel hopeless. When you're in that moment though it is hell. I'll pray for you Heidi, for all mums and dads that are now in heaven and all those suffering from their loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 19, 2015 Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 It is my believe that they still live, just in a different form. I would continue to talk to her on the chance that just maybe she can hear you. I write letters too, it all helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 I understand exactly what your going through.I lost my mom May 5,2015.My mom was not only that but my best friend.She had a fall in her bedroom after getting dizzy, as she was on Bactrum for a UTI which she had never got before 88.I was scared so we took her to the hospital to get checked.It was my great regret that I took her.The hospital kept her a week with all kind of tests and then rehab for 2 weeks that did more bad than good for her.My guilt is I should have kept her home and just wrapped her back and let it heal here at home and just finished off her bactrum for the next two days to get rid of the UTI.Had I followed that course she would still be here.Im having a tremendous amout of guilt that I cheated her out of time she had left.My days and nights are just a fog and my life does not seem important anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottd Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 I hear you and I, am going through the same thing.My mom had a bladder infection and the doctor gave her Cipro which is so powerfull they should take it off the market.My moms kidneys were affected by it and she passed May 5,2015.She had no cancer, no diabetes and in good health.My guilt is I never should have taken her to the hospital in January when she got dizzy from bactrum for her first UTI.I should have just kept her home and wrapped her back.The hospital stay and 2 weeks of Rehab did her more harm than good.My guilt is so much and my grief of her not being here to touch and hug is to much to bare.My grief groups have tried to help but my guilt is still here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 Scottd, I am so sorry. How could we know when things go this way? We trust them to know what they're doing. I'm just so sorry, for you AND your mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted July 20, 2015 Report Share Posted July 20, 2015 I too am so very sorry for your loss, Scottd ~ Clearly you did your very best to take good care of your mom, and I'm sure your mom knows and understands that you love her, and whatever happened to her is not your fault. The guilt you are carrying will ease only when you find a way to forgive yourself, and that will happen only as you are willing and able to come to terms with all of this. I hope your grief group is helpful in that regard, but if not, I encourage you to get yourself to a professional grief counselor who can support you as you work your way through this loss. Meanwhile, I hope you will find this article useful ~ and please be sure to see the Related Articles listed at its base, too: Guilt In The Wake of A Parent's Death Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degasgirl Posted July 23, 2015 Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Heidi- I understand completely how you feel. I feel exactly the same. My mom passed away on July 4th. I feel like I get worse instead of better as each day passes. When I think of her, it makes it worse- it's like there is no way this can possibly be real that I will never talk to her again. I just cannot get past that body numbing feeling that I won't see or talk to her again. I still expect to wake up from a bad dream. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2015 Hello Everyone Thought I would check in to see how you all are doing . As for me I am still hanging in there. My days and nights are about the same. Still in deep thought and still losing sleep. Just trying to carry on without my mom is the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. Today me and my two sisters met with an attorney to file succession. It was a heartbreak but we held up pretty good getting through it all. I feel like the sooner we get through all this the better . How have you all been feeling ? Has life been getting easier for any of you ? I really hope it is . In time I hope it gets easier for me. Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 8, 2015 Report Share Posted August 8, 2015 It's good to hear from you. I didn't have to go through that because my mom left everything to my brother (there are five girls & one boy). I think we always miss them and it can come up at any time but we do gradually get more used to their being gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Hi KayCHow have you been ? I hope you have been doing well. As for me its just so stressful lately . I just feel like a million and one things going through my mind . I feel so alone in this world without my mom. She was always there for me if I needed anything, I worry so much about making it in life without her. I'm so scared. I cant believe it's going on four months already . Time is just flying by and that upsets me so much. I wish so bad for my mom to come back but I know its just not possible. I'm trying so hard to be strong for my family , but sometimes it feels like i'm going to just have a nervous break down .Today just isn't a good day for me .Heidi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Degasgirl Posted August 10, 2015 Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Hi Heidi-I can so relate to everything you say. I lost my mom July 4th. It's just not getting easier. If anything it almost seems worse now. I feel like so much time has passed since I spoke to her. I keep having these fleeting thoughts of calling her tell her this or that. I too find that I have bad DAYS as opposed to moments (of course I have those too!). It's just so hard to feel any kind of normal. Alicia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpe1 Posted August 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) DegasgirlAlicia it is such a heart break. Life just isn't the same anymore. It's so hard when you are so used to calling your mother everyday and now she's no longer here. I You know the feeling. I recorded my moms voice mail off her cell phone before having it turned off. I listen to it often, Just hearing her voice makes me feel a little better. My mom was battling cancer but we really thought she would win her battle. She was strong and seem to be hanging in there quit well. Then all of a sudden I noticed changes taking place. All of a sudden my mom started showing signs of weakness and couldn't walk much. We knew something was changing but still didn't expect her to go when she did. Since my mom passed I don't sleep well at all. I have friends and family who try talking to me but I don't think they understand my grief. I'd rather talk to others like yourself who are experiencing the same heartbreak. Alicia I guess in time we will find peace . Until then my tears continue to flow. Heidi Edited August 11, 2015 by Sweetpe1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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