jrm

Thank you Babs for that wonderful toast. I'm dancing to "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You" Duke was supposed to live. The motorcycle accident injured us both, but they said he would be alright. Just after midnight the next day he died. I was in the next room all that time thinking he'll be alright, sending everyone in there to tell him "I Love Him" Never did I think a clot would strike his heart. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this.

I think friends and family know we would like to be alone with our thoughts for this night. I realize my friends and family are doing exactly what they want to do so why not let us choose. I think we know the answer...doing OUR thing. I've got his ROMA (italian) sweatshirt on, his cologne is lingering in the bedroom, and hopefully I'm going to stay awake until midnight and drink to US.

Hello my friends, After reading the first few posts, I realized we have all chosen to spend this night alone. Strange we all made that choice. I guess I can say "ditto" to most of your posts. I too will raise my glass at midnight. And my crying has just started. Love to you all as we enter 2010

Sometimes it's the telephone caller or sometimes it's who walks through the door, but I tell them "Gee God must have sent you now cause I'm needing someone right at this moment, and you've called or come to the door" Never have a felt anyone of them uncomfortable. They listen, or hug or somehow make me feel better. I do have to apologize cause sometimes I'm really uncontrollably crying. It's been 5 months and I know I'm moving forward a baby step at a time, but that's what Duke would want me to do. Every few weeks I get a call from his best childhood friend and he reminds me that is what Duke would want you to do. He doesn't seem to want to visit with me (it's too emotional for him), but I know he will continue to call. There is sacredness in tears....They are messangers of our overwhelming grief

Just made a trip to Home Depot. Just wanted to get out of the house. Needed new wells for the electric range. As I wandered through the aisles I felt myself getting very anxious. This was not a store I shopped by myself, Duke and I were always together doing projects around the house. Started thinking about what I'm doing tomorrow night. New Years was our night. Light a fire, few drinks, some snacks, just truly enjoying our beautiful home we built together. Then came the tears. I had to get the Duraflame logs anyway..doubt I'll light them myself tomorrow but they are set on the hearth. I so thought I was doing fine because actually Christmas Eve went very well spending the evening with my sons, daughter in law, her parents, sister and friend, and our beautiful granddaughter, Danica. Christmas morning was also a delight with Danica. She's almost 2. I know her Pa was watching her every move and smiling. Now as this evening is moving on I'm feeling more and more depressed. I hate it without him.

Happy Anniversary John. Duke died on July 8, 2009. We had been married 40 years in 2008. In October was our 41st anniversary on the 5th, his 66 birthday on the 8th, and also 3 mos. on the 8th that he passed. I dreaded that week approaching but if you read my post for 41st Anniversary you'll see I survived. It was a rough week but somehow I prepared myself for it. Our memories we have of our loved ones sustain us through the toughest times. And remember they are by our side always. I'm sure you'll feel it today if you try. God Bless.

It's been quite a sorrowful journey these past 5 months since Duke died unexpectedly from complications of our motorcycle accident. I've posted a few times on the site as to how I'm managing, first healing my body from compression fractures, and fractured tibia, dealing with cold in-laws, trying to help my boys through their grief, my daughter-in-law's and ex daughter=in=law's pain and grief, financial matters, and just grief and mourning. I miss my husband of 40 years. He was my best friend and the loneliness is so painful. My boys and I designed the stone and ordered it Nov. 14 and it was placed on the grave December 14th. Something has come over me since the stone was set. There is a peace in my heart and some contentment. I remember visiting my Dad's grave in 1995 and the stone wasn't placed until my Mom passed in 1996. After the stone was in place the same "peace" came over me. Though I never felt Duke was there, now I have felt this contentment that he's happy. Has anyone felt this same thing? Hope all got through xmas fine, though I know it was rough for us all.

Bozena, Reading how recent your loss is hits home. I recall those first days, weeks and month. So much heart ache and tears. So many decisions to make. It's been 5 months since our accident that took my Duke. I made it through those days, weeks and months, also trying to heal my body from the accident. Well I have made it. I'm healed. The tears still flow a little lesser at times. The memories help us through this fog we are in. God Bless you for he will help you through, He sees your struggle. Please stay with us here on this site. We do help each other and Marty has many sites you can go to for extra help. Judy

Hi Everyone. Spent from 1 to 7 pm. at my son and daughter-in-law's with our 22 mo. old granddaughter. Boy she was in the party mood all day. So all the sons were at the house for their Mom. Mom really had a fine day watching her and spending quality time with Val's family. Just as the evening ended in saying goodbyes the tears came. Tomorrow I'll get over to their house again to see Dani open presents and have brunch. It's been an extremely hard month but then they've all been hard since the accident in July. I always am on here ready posts and get inspired by many. This is a road only we know together. Helping each other along in the journey has been so helpful to me. God is watching over us and will not let us fall. I include all of you in my prayers each night. God Bless and Merry Christmas. Judy

We are all here. Either we just read the posts or contribute we are all here. It's hard to be positive today missing Duke. Seems like 5 months ago all was great. I try to focus on all the greats. God bless us all. Judy

Hi, Woke up this a.m. trying to feel positive. The plans are to drive to Chris & Val's in Easton arriving at one for drinks and snacks, then ham dinner at 3 p.m. This is my son who's plans always go wrong. The 2 year old had conjunctivitis 2 days ago, now Mom's at the ER with conjunctivitis and breathing problems. Chris has a whopper of a lip (no not from a punch) he's prone to cold sores and this one has infected in lip so he's on the way to the MD. It's now 10 and I thought if I took my Ativan this a.m. it would get my calmed down but now I'm getting anxious.Well, I made the pumpkin pudding (low cal) and I think it's pretty tasty. I'm dressed and it sounds as though they need my help so I'll get things together here and head over. I just wanted them to be upbeat for me, cause this is my sensitive, emotional, child and I know he wanted the best he can for me for the next two days. He also is planning for me to come early to see Dani open her presents then invited some cousins over for brunch. I dunno. So I said I'd post of Christmas Eve...see you later Enjoy and God Bless Judy

I had to take money out of our joint savings account. When the teller asked "Mario is deceased?" the tears just flowed. It wasn't her fault and I felt bad for her too cause it made her uncomfortable. Facing the reality of him never returning again just crushes my heart. I literally ran out of the bank to my car and sat there and sobbed uncontrollably. Next stop was to deposit at another bank...went thru the drive-thru. 5 months and sometimes I think it's getting harder instead of easier. I thank all my family and friends for their constant support. I hear a lot that the people disappear after the first month or so...they are hangin in there for me and my boys. As for the card aisles...jeez I cried in them even before I lost Duke. I've just kept an old card from each special occasion from the past year...I'll take each out appropriately the night before so it will greet me in the morning. Love and God Bless Jude

Merry Christmas to you and your baby girl, Korina. I hope to join the forum sometime on Christmas Day to share that "shoulder to cry on" God Bless Judy

Hi, Well tomorrow Debbie comes. She's been coming every other week since the accident in July that took my Duke and left me with among other things, injuries to heal. I have a journal. We talk about each day since I've seen her. I now see a pattern. If I'm busy or have company I cry only upon awakening and before bed. If it's a day when I am alone, I cry most of the day. I'm scared to face life alone without Duke. We were married for 40 years, retired since 2000, traveled together on beautiful trips on our HD. And on July 8th he died. He's gone forever here on earth. I've always believed in the hereafter, though none of us know if there really is, now why would I want to doubt it now. 5 months ago I was wishing I went with him, so upsetting to my 3 sons, 39, 38, and 32. They wouldn't cry with me. I didn't understand their grief. Debbie said "it takes time" She was right, now we cry together and comfort each other. The 32 year old proudly shows his new tattoo in the likeness of his father. He cried "I'll never forget what he looks like" Debbie, my grief counselor, has been wonderful and I look forward to our talks. I do encourage everyone to seek some sort of counseling for all who are grieving. God Bless Judy

Maxine...right now I know it seems overwhelming, but it's true when we say this is your time. Take all the time for yourself. I too have been dealing with insurance issues, lawyers, crazy in-laws, medical bills, and still a vehicular homicide case of the 22 year old that was texting and hit us on our motorcycle sending us both l0 feet. I don't know what angel laid me down safe even after my helmet flew l0 feet away from me, but she saved me then. Duke laid close by with a severe femur crushed. I never asked about any other injuries. He was operated on and I was told by the doctors we would both be fine. On July 8th a clot lunged to his heart and he could not even be saved right there in the hospital...Geez. I was right in the next room, in my clamshell brace (fx T8 T9) and broken tibia braced thinking we'll be fine. Shock!!! I only got to see him after he died. It wasn't him there, it wasn't him at the wake, he isn't lying at the cemetary. He's somewhere. I've come through the fog to see the sunshine of our life together. I'm moving forward a little at a time 5 months ago I didn't think I could get here but because some poem says "he's right around the corner" I keep moving on. All of us here on the site will help and support you through this journey. God Bless Judy

Last Christmas Duke bought me this beautiful card. I have it sitting right next to Santa in the kitchen with a picture of him last christmas. It says: FOR MY WIFE WITH SPECIAL LOVE...I wish I could buy you a thousand beautiful gifts for Christmas but I know the things that make life happy can't be bought-- like love, and the closeness two people share. Time--days spent together, when we're happy no matter what we're doing. Kindnesses -- the little things we do for one another. These can't be bought and yet they're the greatest gifts of life. And so for Christmas, I'm giving you a promise as a part of my gift-- A promise to love you even more and make you even happier--To make all our days together days to remember always, to cherish, as the priceless treasures they are... This promise is my special gift for you. a gift to keep forever. HAVE A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS. LOVE "FOREVER" And I promise to love him forever.

Dearest John, I've been crying all day because I miss my Duke. We were married 40 years and he was my best friend. When I read your post I liked reading about how you and Krystal were "best friends". That's why we are so sad, our best friend is gone...not away...gone. Some have been lost to cancer, some to accidents like ours, some with heart attacks, but I'm crying now for Krystal and you John. I'm sure everyone on this site will feel your grief in a special way. I promise to stick by you and help you on your journey. Oh how painful it must be. God Bless Judy

I read your beautiful love story. We all have them and treasure them. I'm sorry for you loss. It's only been 5 months since our accident but now I am reliving all of it. I wake up sweating and anxious but I still haven't seen Duke though probably because I only heard his voice asking if I was okay. Haunting memories for all of us. This I must get through because the beautiful memories are there also. All the trips we took on the motorcycle are all in albums around the house. The Harley jackets hang in his closet, all his jerseys and his leather. They are a comfort to me knowing he's close by as I lay down to bed. I have found so much comfort in this site knowing I have people who truly understand. God Bless You. We will heal. Judy

Wow 32 years old and suffering such a loss. Please accept my condolences. As most of us have said, this is a time for you to heal. Grieving is very tiring so please get all the rest you can. Let your tears flow anytime, anywhere. Cherish the memories you made with Wen. Most of the tears will be brought on thinking about those memories. Keep posting on this site, I've found it very comforting to have some place to "vent". And then I can empathize with those with newer or deeper losses. I will keep you in my prayers. Jude

Linda I read your posts all the time. You do inspire me though you may think you are not doing well. I see you moving forward. I think right now we are all feeling the anxiety of the coming Christmas day. Two weeks seems so far away and hopefully after the "day" we can start to move forward again. I cry all the time for my Duke, just 5 months ago we were so happily married (40 years) Enjoying the best of our lives taking an early retirement. Though you only had a short time with Brian it sounds like it was just idyllic, but I too am sorry you lost him so soon. If we lean on each other here at the forum I know we will make it through for we truly understand each other where our family and friends cannot feel the same. God Bless you. You are in my prayers. Jude

You joined in July so I was wondering if your loss was in July. Duke and I were T-boned on our motorcycle July 6th, Duke's femur was shattered and he was airlifted to Boston. The operation went well but a clot to his heart took him on July 8th. As I was also injured (broken tibia, fx. T8 and T9 and a subarachnoid hemorrhage and the doctors telling me we would both be fine, I am still in shock that he is gone. He died July 8th It's been 5 months now and I've healed very well from my injuries. There has been a court case, and all legal stuff to tend to I've been just overwhelmed. I'm really at a loss as how to handle the whole Christmas season. I lit up the house outside as usual, for I didn't want neighbors to comment on a dark house. I sent out xmas cards only to those who have helped me through these tough months. I signed Love Judy and (a star symbol Duke for he is a shining star now I hope you can find the strength to get through the season. I will be praying for you. Remember to take the time for yourself because you are the most important person right now. Love Jude

Hi Em, Steer clear of those insensitive people. They have no idea what we are going through. It's sometimes maddening. I can be feeling good and strong one day and just some little stress starts the ball rolling sometimes so it's so hard to stop crying. I've learned alot about people in the past 5 months. Lucky for me I still get calls from friends that want to let me do the talking. They listen. Sometimes they have no advice for me but then I guess I have to figure things out on my own. I find this site to be so helpful and we can emphathize with each other. I always welcome new thoughts and ideas on this grief journey. God Bless Judy

Hi everyone. Yep, I survived Thanksgiving. I had 15 family for dinner. I shopped, cleaned, peeled, cooked the 28 pound turkey. The boys 39, 38, and 32 helped peel, clean, and mash. You see their Dad was "the cook all the family loved". This was our tribute to him. We sure were busy for the whole week and because I planned for the day a week ahead, I did not stress out. Oh, of course after everyone left, I walked around "talking" to Duke then crying my eyes out. But Christmas. Oh boy we have a really tough couple of weeks ahead of us. There is no way to plan what will happen. I will decorate (minimally) No tree. Just some signs of Christmas. Bought cards but still not sure if I will send them (yes signing just my name is painful) I will continue to take my anxiety meds and refuse alcohol. I will not shop if it stresses me. I'll wait to the last minute and get gift cards if I have to. Only presents bought so far is for our one and only grandaughter, Danica, who will be 2 in February. I've bought a Madame Alexander "Ballet Dreams" doll and a "Ballet Dancer" jewelry box with some play jewely (All Hearts) from Pa. I cried in the store when I watched the dancer twirl in front of the mirror. Pa will be missing so much and that's what really bothers me. How will I ever be able to watch her open those presents for I know my son will cry and I'm afraid of upsetting my daughter-in-law and Dani. No amount of meds are going to help me. This is the only thing that will be on my mind for the next few weeks. How to celebrate the day with Dani without Pa by our sides.

Linda you certainly have reason to be upset. How heartless this "friend" must be. Lean on those of us who can offer you that "shoulder to cry on" I have found old friends of mine were the ones to rally round me back in July when I was wheelchair bound from my injuries in the motorcycle accident. These friends came weekly to shop, clean, take care of the pool, bring me lunch. Then I had new friends who did the same. My two sisters were awesome, one staying July and August to take care of me. Without them I would have been lost. They all cried with me, too. I do consider myself blessed but not only were they my friends they were Duke's too. Today, 5 months after the accident, I got the good news from my Boston M.D.'s that I was A OK. No spine problems and my tibia is stronger than before...Again I am blessed. If only they could mend my broken heart? I read your posts often and know how much you and Brian shared. I see that you are moving forward in your grief. Time will be the healer for all of us. Keep a smile when you think back on all the memories you made. It's okay to cry for what we won't have anymore, but smile for those memories are what we have now. God Bless you.