jrm

when all the family was around yesterday I was fine, keeping busy, but then when I'm alone I just can't stop crying. I just miss Duke so much. I can't see it ever getting better. 4 months now and reliving all the memories of the accident and now chance to say goodbye.

Rochel, Our picture was taken in 2000 It was Duke's retirement party after 32 years as a police officer in our town. We also have lovely pictures of Kauai in 2008. What an absolutely lovely place, but then everyplace I went with Duke was perfect. Yes, we all have our memories. The picture on site now is my celebration of our 41st anniversary one month after he passed away.

I think you are right Boo about in the beginning crying in public. It seemed it was okay and understood by everyone. Now it's been 4 1/2 months and most of my crying is in private. I mean really sobbing heartwrenching sobs. I want so much to lean on someone and just cry but I can't anymore. I have two great friends who have lost their wives and early on they were such a comfort to me cause I know they had been through this already. Now I feel I can't cry on their shoulders for comfort...it's not right. I just want my Duke back and I can't stop thinking that.

It's been 4 months now since Duke was killed on the motorcycle. 4 months of me trying to heal my body and that I have done. 4 months of lawyers, medical bills, bills, and doing everything on my own. I did it. Now this 4 month is my "Hate" month. I hate it, not having him in my life. I hate trying to go on. I hate thinking about life without him. I just hate it. I cry and cry and cry. I'm so sad. I feel so out of control, when in the beginning I was doing everything I needed to do. Now I don't want to go on without him.

Dear Linda. You titled it My Heart Is So Broken. So sorry. Yes how can our hearts not ache. They were our everything. When you have a wonderful relationship (for me 40 years) why shouldn't our hearts broken. I moan when I cry...it's such a low sad sound. I only wish Duke could see me cry. I know he wants me to be strong but I'm not. He took care of everything. I'm so lost. We will all get comfort knowing we are not going insane. whether are loss is one day, one week, one month, a year or anywhere in between or even longer. Right now we just want everything back the way it was. If only...for now we can comfort and pray for each other

I must have called 10 of the 15 days in Florida to leave a message that I'd be home soon. Flying high in the sky among the clouds I looked out to the sun and tried to find him. I couldn't stop crying on the plane. How embarrassing trying to keep quiet. We always traveled together and loved flying, riding motorcycles, picnics, cuddling, just everything we did we did together. Now each night I find peace in taking one of his favorite T shirts to bed fresh with his favorite aftershave, a picture of us, and his pillow with the same pillowcase since July. Today has been a really rough day...November 8th 4 months gone after 40 years together. I'm so sad.

Dear Em...It's been 4 months since Duke was killed in our motorcycle accident. First I had to concentrate and try hard to heal myself. That sure took up a lot of my time. There was much paper work and legal meetings to take up my time in the first few months. Now I am getting around, driving to PT, and doing little housework which takes up my time. I think the key is we have to keep busy I want no one here more than my Duke. It seems now I just can't stop crying...I have a hard time now where before I was either too busy taking care of me or reality is just setting in. You will find a lot of encouragement here on this site so continue to post and we will all pray to ease your pain

Well I'm back from 15 days in Florida to get away from it all. Nice but now I'm back to phone calls to lawyers, decisions to sign off a release, Now Duke's sisters have surveyed the Family land and the stakes go right through my swimming pool. Oh my Duke said "it's all Moretti land" don't worry. It's so cold what his sisters are doing. The Grampa hasn't died yet but there cleaning the house next to me. I have lived next door to my inlaws for all our married life, taken care of them, and now that the sister is taking care of her Dad she is charging him for everything she does for him, etc. Initially we had a living trust set up so I didn't think they could remove anything but I don't know if they have had a new one written. The grampa is 92 and is in and out of memory loss. So I sit saying how unfair they are but I am too emotional right now to talk sanely to lawyers. I just start crying and want to run away. I'm catching up on some new posts and will try to contact each new member. My love and prayers to all right now

So sorry for your loss. We all know those "firsts" are going to be hard and sad. I wish we all could hug when we see someone needs it, so consider a hug from me. Do what feels right for you. Grieving is so very hard. This site is awesome. I joined after July 8th when I lost my Duke in our motorcycle accident. I was recovering from a broken tibia and back fractures. It meant a lot to me to feel the love and support the people on this site send. for we are all grieving and try to help each other. god bless

God I don't know what to do. The boy who hit us in the accident only had a total of $70,000 in insurance. My sister and I was sending all bills to his insurance company to pay. If I go after him with a lawyer my lawyer says most likely he will declare bankruptcy and not pay any medical bills. So one check for 35000 was sent to me. I thought my BC BS was paying all my bills so I signed off the claim Now I look at Duke's bills Medicare paid one part if think, but BC BS isn't paying cause it's a motorcycle vehicle accident. Some of the bills are 111,000 and more. I'm already receiving calls from medical collection. I called my lawyer and left a message with him of how "out of control" I feel. Duke settled all this kind of stuff. I'm so afraid I'll have no money left. I'm leaving to see my sister in fLORIDA but I'm afraid Ill continue to be anxious through the trip. Has anyone ever gone through this. Please advise me.

MLG, 21 months is not a long time when you had your love for ever so long. I know the sadness will never go away. The tears come sometimes when we least expect them. I cried at the dentist today. My Duke and I have gone to the same dentist for years so Dr. Harrison cried with me today. He and Duke loved to talk about all our motorcycle trips. We all have those good memories. They are usually the ones that make me cry. That you for posting on this site. We all will help each other, I know. God Bless

Your Brian sounds like my Duke. He always complained I had the whole bed, etc. Doesn't it make us smile to remember that. Oh I know I'm sad and the tears fall on the pillow every night but when you've had many years together there are so many good memories to make us smile and laugh. I just read on one of the sites "I cried a tear into the ocean, the day you find it is the day I'll stop missing you" Just love it. God Bless and give you strength.

We definitely are going to have setbacks. Just when I think I'm okay, some memory either of something fun we did or some plan we had for the future pops into my head and the tears come. It's only been 3 months since Duke died in the motorcycle accident. I'm due for my checkup November 12 and I pray my back and leg are fine. I'm feeling stronger but still cannot do what I use to. One suggestion is to accept all the help you can. People are so willing to help and even a little errand makes them feel good also. I love having Duke's pictures and "Stuff" around. They give me comfort. The bed is where I get comfort also, I really feel he hugs me throughut the whole night. Sleeping well is important because grieving really is exhausting. I give thanks for finding this site for we have a "shoulder to write on"...

Korina, You have been an inspiration to me with your courage. I know you talk about some set backs but I see you with the strength to move forward. You have your sweet baby girl to comfort you. As you celebrate each anniversary have a plan for something fun for Scott wants to see you happy. God Bless. jrm

I sign of moving on. Having a plan. In Duke's closet now hangs all his favorite jackets. I guess I never realized how many Favorites he had. Harley Davidson x 4, Willie G leather, Chevy Racing, Wheels of Time Car Club, Never have they all hung in one closet together. Guess it was like coming home. They give me comfort for that was our life, motorcycles, custom and classic cars, and John Force dragsters. The photo albums of all our trips are there for all to see. Such an idyllic life cut short when a boy who admits he was texting ran into us on our motorcycle 14 miles from home. We both were injured and the MDs said we would both be fine but Duke developed a clot to his heart and died two days later. Now my heart is broken. Sorry for your loss but I am glad you have found this site. We all can comfort each other at this time.

Thank you all for your support and warm wishes for last week's anniversary and birthday celebrations. Though it was hard and at times I thought "this was a stupid plan, this didn't change anything" it did for without THE PLAN the two days would have been uneventful. I can't believe another week has gone by since then. I'm moving around better physically and I am actually flying to Florida for 10 days to my sister's next week. I thank this site for giving me the courage to move forward.

Rochel, 2 1/2 weeks is so new. Let the tears flow. We are here for you. I found this site just a few weeks ago but already I feel comfort talking about my feelings and everyone here are so thoughtful and really have been through much of the same we have be it a few weeks or a few years. Just remember to give some thought before you make any changes, some are needed now but some may wait. It's been only 3 months since Duke died from ourmotorcycle accident. I am still trying to heal physically and yet deal with all the legal stuff, etc. I just celebrated our 41st anniversary 10/5 and his 66th birthday and the 3 month anniversary of his death in one week. Because I found this site and because I got so many helpful ideas about how to handle this, I got through and I'm okay. Keep your chin up and smile each day Cherish your memories.

Yes I'm new to this site but I will keep you in my prayers. Sounds like you've had a rough time of it and illness and disappointments naturally get us down but look forward to a new day. Each day is a new beginning for me.

Today I went to one of our last Wheels of Time Car Club cruises. Duke always cooked in the Hot Rod Cafe. Upon walking up to the back of the trailer and looking inside, I saw the girls wrapping burgers and cooking french fries, but for one nano of a second the guy standing cooking at the grill was Duke. It took my breath away. 3 months gone and my first sign

Like we say, do what makes you feel good at this time. There are no set rules for grieving and we will all grieve in our own way and own pace. For some it's a matter of needing space or moving on for one reason or another. You most certainly can feel free to "ramble on" with us on this site. That's what we are here for.

Paula I read your posts and see your spirit. You are truly amazing to carry through each day. You are moving forward and all of us here in the forum will continue to support all your endevors. You sound like a truly amazing person.

Lucia, what a wonderful way to honor your Ben. He is so proud of you. My Duke's 66th birthday was October 8th and our 41st anniversary was October 5th. Duke died when a car collided with us while on our motorcycle 14 miles from home. We traveled all over the country on our HD and never ever had an accident. I'm healing from my broken leg and fractured spine. It's been 3 months now and I'm just realizing he's never coming home. This forum is just the place for us to comfort each other and lend an ear. Hugs to you and your family. Judy

5 minutes just to have him hug me ever so tight...This truly has been a long week Monday our 41st anniversary and Thursday 3 months since he passed and also his 66th birthday. I'm still trying to heal my body since the motorcycle accident. I believe he kept me safe and I would like to thank him..like you all said it would just be too hard to say goodbye again

It was a delight to wake in the morning and see the flowers, card and picture set there on the table and this set the tone for most of the day. Went to a late lunch with my sister. But when evening came it became difficult. I had the plan to light the "Love" candle and as soon as it was lit the tears started and wouldn't stop. Then I cried " this was a stupid plan, what difference did it make" Everything is wrong. Got out the aromatherapy, lit more candles, filled up the tub and soaked,cried, then relaxed. In the end I agreed with myself that the plan did really work because instead of getting up to nothing, there was something, and that's what took me through many hours that could have been a disaster from the start. Now the 66th birthday and 3 months gone in one day October 8

Hi everyone. FYI I know we talk about our grief and how to deal with it. We need to take care of ourselves physically and mentally. I have a very good gentleman friend who is in the banking business. He is always emphasizing to me...Change nothing for one year. Don't give anything away. Don't go making irrational purchases. Don't put my 9 room house (just me) on the market. That's my plan and I'm sticking to it.