jodo

Hi Deb, I completely know how you're feeling right now, I have a 20 year old cat, and a couple of months ago I thought I would lose him, but he recovered. I hope there is something they can do for Funky I know what you mean about sometimes thinking your Moms spirit is in Funky, I also think that my Dads spirit lives in my cat, sometimes in the way he looks at me, or comforts me, I'm sure it's my Dad !! Well, just know that I understand, and I hope for a miracle for Funky. Please let us know what happens. If it does happen that they have to put her to sleep, perhaps you can look at it as -She and your Mom will be "reunited", and I'm sure your Mom would love that. Wishing you Peace, and Love. Jodi

Dear Sunstreet, Thank-you , I have actually tried EMDR twice, and I do believe it can work. My problem is the therapist I was seeing was transferred to another state, so I have to find another one that I can trust! Anyways, Thank-you for mentioning this, hopefully there are others on this site that will find it helpful too. I'm always open to ANY suggestions that can be helpful with this pain we are all going through ! Take Care, Love and peace to you ! Jodi

Dear LostDaughter , I don't think your thoughts are "strange" at all, I think they're completely normal given your circumstances. I of course, don't know what to say regarding all of the problems that you are having with your brothers ? It is shocking, and I understand how it is REALLY complicating your grief process. I have heard of similar situations where the fathers leave everything to the SONS ! In your case though, It may have been possible (like you said) that your Dad wasn't fully aware of what he was doing. You should have been included in that meeting when all that was written up. I hope that you can talk to your brothers and they will make things RIGHT ! Well, keep us all posted, and please do not "give up"!! (though I feel like that often too !) I'm sending you Love, (and wishes & hopes that this will all work out.) Love, Jodi

Dear Sharla, I was so sad to hear this news, It's so hard not being able to give you a "real" hug right now, all I can do is write some words on a screen , and I'm not so good at knowing what to say. Is your Dad still able to talk to you ? Does he know exactly whats going on, and does he express his fears,etc.? All I can say is- try to spend as much time as possible with him, (even though I know that is hard sometimes), and don't let anything go "unsaid". When my Dad was sick last year, I spent a lot of time with him (and I'm thankful for that) but I do wish I'd told him more how much I loved him and how proud of him I am, I didn't know he'd be gone a couple of weeks from then. There are a lot of us here that know exactly what you are going through right now, and we're all here to listen. Please try to take good care of yourself, I'm sending you lots of LOVE. Jodi

Dear Carol Ann, Thank-you so much for sharing that info ! I do believe that I suffer from PTSD, so I welcome any suggestions for dealing with it ! I'm so glad that it has helped you, I will check out the site that you recommended, and hopefully one day will find a good therapist like you have found ! I always enjoy reading your posts, Thanks for being here ! Love, and Peace to you ! Jodi

Dear Charlotte, I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through, and for the loss of your precious Mom. I wanted to tell you that I am going through the exact same thing. My Dad was in a coma for a week at Christmas time last year, and we had to disconnect him from life support, My Dad was not able to say a word or move at all , but sometimes when the nurses moved him he had a horrible look of pain on his face. I still see everything so clearly in my head, I wish there were some way to erase these awful, painful memories ? I am going to seek some sort of "hypno-therapy" soon, I am willing to try anything at this point. I sometimes feel like I "can't go on" because it's all too much to handle I'm going to start some posts about these things this week, I hope that you and I (and others in our situation) can find some answers ? It's hard enough dealing with the grief and pain of not having them here anymore, and then we have another terrifying issue to deal with. Well, I hope to hear more from you, and I wish you Comfort and Peace. Love, Jodi

Hi Schelly, Welcome back to the site. I hope that you are feeling well, and found some answers at Mayo ?? I am coming up on the 10th month anniversary of losing my Dad, and the pain is still as raw and unbearable as the first month We also had something stolen from my Dad's grave ( all six solar lights) It made me SO sad, and it frustrates me that every time I think of something I would like to take to him I realize it would be stolen too, so I don't ever take him much. I might carve a pumpkin and take it to him at halloween. Well, take care, Love and hugs to you ! Jodi

Dear 2sweetgirls, I was so shocked and saddened to hear about your Dad, Today was the first day in months that I'd made a post ( I usually don't have the energy to write a thing) But, I wanted to just say Hello, and how sorry I am to hear this. I don't even know the words to say (I'm sure you understand this) I wish I could give you a big hug, and sit and cry with you. I will look forward to reading more posts from you to hear how you're doing. Love and Peace to you, Jodi

Dear Daughter2010, Like Butterfly9 said , While reading your post tears were streaming down my face too. It was if I had written it (I could relate to EVERY single word). I lost my Dad last year on Dec. 30th. I am still having a VERY hard time dealing with it. I've tried counseling, and support groups, but nothing seems to be helping. This site is really the only thing that helps a little. Like you said- It's amazing how this changes who we are forever, I don't even recognize this person I've become, but it's my new reality and I guess I too will have to take it a day at a time ? Do you live close to your family (Mom, brother, etc.) ? Yes, family is all that matters to me also now, I have seen my Mom almost everyday since my Dad died, and even though I enjoy that, it makes me sad that I didn't see my Dad more often when he was here (they practically live next door) Why didn't I make the time to do that ? It's all those regrets (and guilt) that drive me crazy. Well, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. Love, and Hugs to you, Jodi

Hi Niam, and Lou lou , Well, I also have not been "posting" for a long while, I too feel like I don't know what to say anymore. My pain is just as severe as it was 8 months ago. I was reading something Marty posted the other day about "complicated grief" I really believe I have all those symptoms, and I really need help. I still cry everyday. Well, there's nothing else I can say. I Love you guys, and this site is one of the only things that keeps me going. Love and peace to all of you here. Jodi

Hi Emptyinside, That is REALLY sad about your friend, Is it someone you have known a long time ?? I guess people just don't know how to handle it or what to say to us ? It happens all the time to me, I can see it in their faces when I bring up how sad I am, they just become nervous, and many change the subject. If that friend never "comes back", then I guess that shows what kind of friend she was (or wasn't !) I realize more and more everyday that I am going to have to somehow get through this all by myself (and the help and support of all of you on here !) Well, keep us posted on what happens with that friend ! Take Care, Love and peace to you ! Jodi

Hello Momof4, First of all I am so sorry about the loss of you Mother, I also lost my Dad this past Christmas ( He had a stroke on Christmas eve morning, went into a coma and never came out of it, we had to take him off of life support on Dec.30th) I have been thinking about Christmas a lot lately, as a matter of fact just 10 minutes before I even read your post I was sitting here crying because I was thinking about never getting to drive around and look at Christmas lights with my Dad again. It's really strange that I found your post right now?? I, like you am dreading the Christmas songs, I have a video of my Dad on my phone singing "Winter Wonderland" just a few days before everything happened. You are lucky that you have children, that will probably help you a lot. I have none, and have already told my family that I probably won't be celebrating it this year. My Dad and I loved Christmas SO much, I honestly don't know how I'll get through it ?? ( I guess with the help of everyone else on this site!) Peace and Love, Jodi

Dear Chai, I know exactly what you are talking about !! I believe that is why I'm still having such a hard time ( 6 months after losing my Dad) It's just that no one Loved and supported me like my Dad, and the thought of never having that kind of Love again is heart breaking !! I'm sorry there's not a lot of depth or dialogue to what I write, I just wanted you to know I can relate ! Chai, when did you lose your Dad ? I haven't been on this site for so long that I forgot some things. Well, Love and Peace to you ! Jodi

Hello Dear Niam, and Aquarius7, I haven't been on this site for SO long, I was feeling so abnormal that after 6 months (losing my Dad) that I wasn't doing any better, I'm actually doing worse. Maybe it was meant to be that I happened to come to this site tonight, because after reading both of your posts, I realize that I'm not the only one having a really hard time! I have not gone to my support group or counselor for weeks, I just started feeling like no one can help me ! I went to my doctor the other day and got a prescription for anti-depressants, and one for anxiety, but now I've been too afraid to take them !! I will probably start tomorrow because I'm truly at the end of my rope ! I am missing my Dad so badly, I still sob all the time, and still go into almost a "denial" phase. Anyways, maybe I shouldn't stay away from here so long ! I should realize that I'm not the only person out there in this much pain ! I hope to start talking to you all again ( I truly think of all of you all the time !!) Love and Hugs to you, Jodi

Dear Arei, I am so sorry about your Grandma, and know exactly the pain you are feeling. I lost my Grandma in 2007, and It was devastating! She was like my best friend !! I saw her everyday and enjoyed every minute with her. My Grandma was a lot older than yours though, It's just not fair that she was taken so young. I wish I had some suggestions for you , unfortunately, I don't ! I am grieving the loss of my Dad right now (He died just 6 months ago) and I cry every single day. The pain is still unbearable. I do think it is healthy to cry ( I hope you can do that?) and I'm finding it helpful to talk out loud to my Dad (when I'm by myself !) Also, you might try going to a local support group (it's just nice to have others,besides family to talk to, and "let it all out"!!) Well, I hope you find peace, I'm not gonna lie - It's a rough road we're walking ! Hugs and love to you !! Jodi

Hi Dear Niam, I also am thinking of you today. Like Lou Lou said - at 5 months it almost seems worse than ever. I'm glad I have you guys that can relate to this. Love to you all!, Jodi

Hi Olivia, I'm so sorry to hear the heartbreaking story about your Fiance. It's great that you found this site, You'll find alot of people here that can help you. I am here because I lost my Dad 4 months ago. I know that is different from what you're going through, but I know the pain you speak of, (sometimes I hurt so bad I can't breathe,and sometimes I don't want to breathe!) , I cry every single day. You're lucky to have your little girl. I hope you find some comfort and peace here. Love and Hugs, Jodi

Hi Niam, What a wonderful topic you've started, I love it ! I enjoyed reading everyones posts ( Hi Everyone !) , Unfortunately I'm having a REALLY hard time tonight, and now after reading everyones beautiful entries, tears are streaming down my face and I can barely write at all , so perhaps tomorrow I can add my post ! There's SO much I miss about my Dad and everyday I find more and more things. (which has been making things even more difficult lately ) I've missed talking to you all lately, but you all are always in my thoughts. Love you guys ! Jodi

Hi Christine, I am so sad to hear about your story, and the loss of your wonderful mother. I lost my Dad 4 months ago suddenly (he also had some sort of stroke?) This site has helped me more than anything else I've tried (one on one counseling,"physical" support groups, etc.) I hope you can find some comfort here too! You had said you just wanted us to know how great your Mom really was, That is how I feel as well - I don't want anyone to forget my Dad, I wish I could tell everyone I meet about what a wonderful man he was, I could go on and on about him !! I think the trouble I'm having is , I can't figure out why other family members aren't as upset as I am ? Don't they miss him ?? Maybe they just deal with it in another way ? Well as you might have read in some of my posts, after 4 months it is not ANY easier for me, I wish I could say otherwise I cry (sob) all the time! I hope that you will post often, and let us know how you're doing, and share sweet stories about your Mom, so that we can all "know" her. My heart (what's left of it) goes out to you. Peace and Love to you Christine, Jodi

Hi again Daughter ! That is a great idea about a "memory" journal, I would like to try that also, but I know it would be very sad and painful ! I tried a normal journal butI only have ONE entry in 4 months !! I know it would probably help me, so i don't know why I don't do it ? (Just another one of those things that doesn't make sense anymore !) Well good luck with yours, and let us know how it's going. Take Care, Hugs!xoxo, Jodi

Hi Daughter2010, I never knew your (& your Dad's) story, So I went way back in the posts (to January) to find it, I'm so glad I did because now when I read your posts I know exactly what happened. I'm so sorry about your Dad, He was so young ,it's a heartbreaking story. You were lucky to have been able to talk with him and tell him how proud of him you were. That's one of my biggest regrets I don't know if I ever really told my Dad that? My Dad died 4 months ago, It is actually getting worse for me instead of better ? I've been crying harder than ever, and all the painful memories (of him on life support,etc.) are just flooding my head and playing over and over. Do you see any difference in things at the 6 month mark ? Do you still cry often? Do others around you assume that you should be o.k. by now ? Like Lou-Lou had said, I also hate it when people ask me what's wrong ? Have they never lost anyone that they really LOVED ? I know that you had said you missed your Dad's smile so much, that's also what I miss the most. I can barely look at his beautiful smiling face in photos because I just start crying ! I have his pictures on my frig and on my dresser, but lately it's been too painful to look at them (but yet I don't want to NOT look at them !) Do you know what I mean ? Anyways, don't ever worry about the broken record thing ! I say the same thing all the time ! I think I need to in order to just get things out and not keep them bottled up ! Well, I look forward to talking to you, Peace and Love to you! , Jodi

Hi 2sweetgirls ! Thank-you so much for your wonderful reply,! I feel like I know so much about you and your situation now. That was an amazing, and beautiful story about your Mom saying she loved you very much ! Wow!,what a great thing to hold on to! My brother had a similar experience My dad was in a coma, and on life support by the time my brother got here from Calif., There had been no kind of response from my Dad at all (no movement, nothing) Then when my brother came in, He said to my Dad," Dad, it's me ,I'm here,let's go to the casino !! My Dad's eyes opened wide and looked at him, then closed and that was the last movement we would ever see from him. It's strange how things happen like that ? Anyways, I thank-you for sharing about your Dad's condition. You're probably right to not tell him everything right now, especially when he is grieving like he is, that would be too much for him. Do you live far from him ? What state do you live in ? I always like to find out where people are from ! I travel around the country doing Art festivals (I'm a painter) and one day I hope to cross paths with some friends from this site,and have lunch and talk, and have "real" hugs!! You don't have to say what state if you don't want to! (or you could send me a personal mess.) Well, I'll talk to you soon, Peace and Love to you !! , Jodi p.s.- I want to say "Hi" to Niam, Lou-lou, and Sharla (who have been so kind and patient !) I love all of you !!

Hi Niam !! I've been trying to watch the video, but It's not working ! It might be because it's windy here today? From what I can tell of the parts I did see, it looks beautiful and it would probably make me cry! I'll try again tomorrow ! Have a good night, or maybe it's morning there right now? I still can't get that straight! Love to you my wonderful friend !! xoxo Jodi

Hi "2sweet girls" ! I'm sorry that I haven't replied to you sooner, I read all your posts and want to reply but I truly haven't had the mental or physical energy to do it ( I think you might understand that !) First of all, I am so sad for you, and the loss of your Mom. I'm so glad you're here and meeting so many other kind,loving people that are going through exactly the same thing and feeling the same way. I lost my Dad exactly 4 months ago today (Dec.30th) I, like you struggle daily with guilt feelings and with terrible visions I can't get out of my head, I'm seeing a counselor, but I think I'm gonna have to try a stronger form of therapy to erase the visions. So for now I just try to get up everyday and function the best I can. I have sobbed EVERYDAY (but 1) , and it's not a few tears, but an uncontrollable sobbing! I never would have imagined it was possible to cry this much! How is your Dad doing ? Are they able to treat his cancer ? I hope that he will make a full recovery. Are you close to your Dad ? I just wondered if you are able to talk to him about everything? Well, we will all try to somehow get through this heartbreaking thing we're going through, I'll look forward to "talking" with you ! Love and Peace to you my new friend ! Jodi

Hello Elizabeth, I am so sorry about Harley, and so sad for what you're going through. I lost my dog "Bongo" two years ago, he got very sick and the vet had to put him to sleep, he died in my arms, looking up at me I sobbed and sobbed for a long time, more than I had for some humans that I had lost. I think the hard part is some people don't understand how traumatic the loss of a pet is. I don't have children so my animals are my "kids" and the bond that I have with them is so strong. I'm glad you have your other dogs there to comfort you. I completely understand what you're going through, and wish you peace and send you a big hug! Jodi