Lainey

Dear Kat. I know exactly how you are feeling. For years the men have made the decisions on what to do and who to call. Now all of a sudden we are put into a position that forces us to make them. I have the feeling that the repairman sees me as a woman with no husband so they can take advantage of me. I have a son and two son-in-laws, so they have been very helpful. I do the footwork, then they advise, I make the final decision. I am finding that the more I do this, the stronger I am becoming.. I believe that I "can" do these things on my own and it gives me much needed self confidence. Just keep believing in yourself.You can do!! Hugs Lainey

Marty, thank you for the long weekend info, I for one hate any weekend but the long ones seem to drag on forever. All of your posts are so helpful to everyone. Like Kath I spend most of the time crying and remembering. We must learn to find different things to fill our time on these days when the time goes so slowly. Lainey

I am a very private person most of the time,but today is a day that I can't share with my children. It is the first Angelversary that I am having, we were married 42 years ago today and the only people who can understand how I am feeling is the people on this site. I had decided in order to honor our anniversary I was going to send two balloons to Heaven for him. I kept busy all morning, went walking ith a friend, had lunch with another friend and when I came home it was time to let them go. The desperate feeling I got as I watched them float away was almost as bad as when he passed. Am I normal to feel this? I cannot stop crying, it is almost six months since he's been gone and I thought I was doing so well, but obviously that is not the case. I have also been dreaming of Lars every night for the past week (went off the sleeping pills).Someone said it means I am letting go...I don't want to yet. At least in the dreams he looks like he is not in pain. That is nice, as he suffered terribly for the last few months of his life. Thank you for letting me vent. I do come to this site often and read many of the posts, and say a prayer for everyone every night. Hugs to all Lainey

Chrissie, good for you going to Weight Watchers and losing the weight. I'm sure Tim is very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. Making those "firsts" are so hard regardless of what it is. It will be six months coming up for me, I know what you mean when you say your heart is empty. Every once in awhile it feels like things are becoming bearable, them Wham.. you get slammed again. I only am able to go on some days knowing that there is no pain and suffering anymore. I get selfish once in a while and wish he was here regardless of how much he was suffering. Hope you keep up the good work with W.W. Hugs, Lainey

Just as Korina said, writing to Lars helped alot in the first months. I can also go back and see the progress I'm making day by day. I wouldn't want to write about the pain and suffering we both went through for the year before he passed away. Too many bad memories.. Lainey

Starkiss, What a wonderdful idea you had to remember your mother with a balloon and message. My mom has been gone since 2004 and I miss her especially on Mother's Day. She lived 200 miles from me but there wasn't a Mother's Day missed seeing her. I hope you don't mind, I am going to send a ballon to her in Heaven tommorrow. Hope your day isn't too hard, I am sending you a hug. Lainey

I am sorry to hear that you lost your soul mate. Even though you had a short time with her does not mean your pain of loss is any less than mine..I was with my husband for 43 years. He died Dec.11,2010 from bladder cancer, and even though we knew his time was limited, the shock was really no different had we not been told. So even though you spent a few years compared to my many years, I believe that your pain is the same as mine. Horrible right now, but it does get better, then a memory hits and we are back to square one. This sight has been a God-send to me, I don't post alot, but spend alot of time on it, realizing others feel the same as I do. I am hoping that you will begin to feel better soon, know that whoever reads your post is most likely praying for you,. Lainey

Lucia, it is wonderful to hear that you are feeling better the past few days. It takes time, and I don't think the pain ever goes away, it just lessens so we are able to cope with it. Eveyone has up and down days, let's pray for more up than down Hugs to you Lainey

Dear Suzanne, my heart breaks for you as I read your post.You sound like you are ready to give up.. please don't, for your sake and Danny's. He would want you to go on. Everyone of us that are on this site have had or are having these same feelings, regardless if you've lost your loved one a month ago or twenty years ago. Everything and everywhere you go will remind you of him,that I think will be a constant, it is for me. But I have learned to remember the good times we had, memories are something that can never be taken away and as time goes by I have found that they are what gets me through the bad days. You WILL survive this, we all do, no one said it is easy, but one day the ache will be a bit less and you will find yourself beginning to enjoy things. You have to focus on the little things, remember that your loved one wants you to be happy. Hugs to you Lainey

Thanks to all who were kind enough to reply. The encouragement helps me to forge ahead, and knowing there are people out there that care is also helping . I just wish for everyone of us that are on this site that we didn't have to be, because if you are you've lost someone you love. Some days the hurt is so bad I feel like I am drowning, then it gets better and I feel like I am able to cope again. I have talked to a councillor, not sure where that will go. Walking at the gym helps alot and writing letters to Lars also works . Today is his b/day, I have a memory candle to light and the kids are coming to do some outside work that I'm not able to. Thoughts of selling the house are runing through my head. I'm not sure if it's because of how down I'm feeling or what, most people say not to make any major desicions for the first year. The fact that summer is coming doesn't help, we were always puttering in the yard, I with my perennials and him with the trees, or he would sit on the patio and carve on one project or another. What am I going to do with all the half finished carvings? Thanks again for being here.Hugs to everyone that needs one. Lainey

Thanks to all who answered my post on lonliness, your kind words helped alot Now I have a new problem.. For three weeks I have been handling everything with a minimun of tears and heartbreak. This morning a letter from the bank came in his name which I had to deal with. That didn't seem to be too hard. On the way to the bank I stopped at the Hospice where he spent the last week of his life. From donations, the family was able to put up a leaf in behalf of his name. That was the beginning of the end for me. Since 2 P.M. I have been crying non stop, I don't think I cried this hard when he first passed( I told myself I was prepared). His birthday is on the 25th of April, our son-in-laws is on the 23rd. We used to always celebrate their birthdays together, The kids want to toast their father, I don't know if I will be able to handle that, but must because of the grandbabies. I also hate the fact that all major decisions now fall on my shoulders. I need new shingles, who cares if they last 25 or 30 years and what kind of curve appeal they have to a buyer.Our last rain storm brought water into my bathroom downstairs, what do I do? My kids are trying to be here for me but can't make all my desicions for me. I was so proud of myself that I was improving for the past three weeks, now I feel like I'm back to square one. Is this normal? I feel like I'm ready to go over the deep end at times. I need support, not only from family but from people who have, or are experiencing this. Waiting to hear from you Lainey

Dear Suzanne, I'm hoping this works today, as I feel very bad posting your subject as if it were mine, As I read your letter I could almost feel your pain and as everyone knows who is on this site..the pain can be unbearable. It reminded me of how I felt after the service was over, the relatives went home and the kids went back to work. My only problem was having to get through Xmas without Lars I was at a bookstore and found On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. This book has many highlights marked, it is a very good book to read, especially the chapter on Afterlife. Suzanne, you will start to enjoy all the things that you used to and you will begin to remember the special things about your life with your loved one. It comes back at very unexpected times and I know when it happened to me I felt like a heavy weight was lifted, even for a few minutes. Do you think your husband wants you to feel this way, I think he is watching you with a heavy heart. He wants to see your beautiful smile that was special to him and he would love to hear your laughter again. I believe that our loved ones are watching us at all times and it gives me comfort. Another thing that I did was start a journal, at first I wrote every day, now usually every other day. Reading back in it I can see the progress I am making. I will always miss my darling but am learning how to go on. Hopefully you can do the same Thinking of you, Lainey

Suzanne, I read your post and it was very sad. I want to add to it, but I'm having technical difficulties with my computer. Thanks, Lainey.

It will be four months soon since I lost my husband. There are times like it feels like forever that he has been gone and then it is like it just happened yesterday. He had been sick since March,2009 and in and out of the hospital for two major surgeries, trying to control pain, which was horrendous and other complications. I knew that the inevitable was going to happen and prepared for it. Most of the service and obituary was ready days before he passed away. Even though it felt morbid doing it then, it was a lot easier for myself and our three children when the time came and we needed it. After everything was over and family had all left,I became busy cleaning everything in sight, packing most of my husband's belongings, and on and on. Soon I ran out of steam as well as the work came to an end. I found out that one person in a house doesn't make a big mess. I have also come to the conclusion that "our" friends seem to not be "my" friends and that does not help with being lonely. My kids are wonderful, but they have their own lives and can't be with me all the time. Weekends are the hardest, we used to spend all of our time together,,shopping when he was still able to, going out for a meal, movies and visiting with friends. Now that is all gone and the two days just loom in front of me. I spend alot of my time checking out this site to find out how others are coping, watching T.V. and trying to concentrate on crocheting. My interest in scrapbooking is very low because most of the pictures/subjects I work on will have him in them and I think that may be too hard to handle right now.