CJ Anderson

You are so wise to take this view. So often one will focus on one split second and competely negate 20 years of wonderful living with you. I wish that people could understand and heal from this! Would you share some of your favorite memories with us?

I have a memorial place for my pets that warm my heart when ever I go by it or I think of it. I also love the book Bill at the Rainbow Bridge.

Oh My Gosh! What MEANING you gave to that death! When Dad died he went his body went to Science Care in Phoenix. His body contributed to 28 different studies. He LOVE the idea of contributing to fighting to the diseases that killed him. His hear which was so healthy, contributed as the health heart side of health disease! I intend to have my body contributed too, What a wonderful use of something we dont need any more! By the way, I do keep the ashes in a memorial corner. But to a friend of mine - to keep the ashes was to keep the reminder of the cancer that killed him - so she has a whole non profit dedicated to him - Gabriel of Gabriel's Angels! Its about how to bring his life meaning to you! Hugs

I do! I have become more conviced then ever. One reason why was something Cesar Millan said - "Dogs dont view death the way humans do!" When I read all the stories of how animals see spirits when we humans can, it is like when they can hear frequences that we cant. More importantly I have had several event happen to me that is why that is to me, a fact. When my Dad died of cancer, his only dog (the only one have was HIS rather then Mom's) was so lost. She lived 1 month beyond, but she never stopped looking for his to even sleeping on his shoes. I month later I KNEW she had to be put down but I was enraged at having to do it. I railed at Dads spirit (any angels who were listening) to COME and GET HER! I was still recovering from Dad's death and I did not think I should have to make to decision to do take, I could not stand to see her suffer any more. I slept on the floor with her that last night, I know she was still alive at 4am, at 6 am she was gone, keeping me from having to put her down. that Another one - Foxie had been give two weeks to live. Now I am convinced that she wanted to die because I didnt lke her nuch. A short time earlier what Tanna had to be put own, she had done a snoopy dance because that black which was DEAD (long hate between then) I told Foxie I was sorry and that if she would stay, I would love her and care for her. (She had been Steve's dog). Well with my holistic skills, we gave her a good quality of life for FOUR years! One day I got a funny feeling. I took her to the vet. We had gone to breakfast because the vet was doing a workup on her that would take to hours. I got a call from the vet - her heart stopped! I am absoltely convince that she tricked me into taking her to the hospital where she died - freeing me from any decision to fight for her life as her thank you to me. I had a therapy dog that had gotten cancer. She really went downhill fast at the end. We were taking her to be euthanised. I just could not bear the thought I would have to put her down. She died in my arms SECONDS befopre we pulled into the vet -her thank you to me. There are so many stories lies thing I have. If that death that happened to you, happened to me. I would take it that she needed to move on and was giving you the gift of not have to suffer thru the physical transtion. They know what we are going through in life. Can you say your grief would have been easier if she slipped away in your arms (at that time)? Could you have afforded a huge vet bill trying to save him when he was ready to go? One reason (a key one) what I volunteer wiith hospice, is because I wanted to become comfortable with the end life's jouney as I was with births or weddings. So I dont have negative feelings about it (NOT that I dont greif the loss of my fourlegged friends even years later). Anyway, that is why I feels as I do but dont belive a word I say, check it for your self. Hugs!

I am so sorry to hear of your loss!!! The hole that one has when they are gone is almost unbearable! I have to take issue you with the temp was NOT too hot to day! I actually had to call in my thirteen year old basset who LOVES to lay by the pool in the heatand my 6 yr old black collie who was just possessed by something in the bushes. My Foxie girl actually tricked me to take her to the vet. I was out having breakfast while they looked her over, her heart just gave out! I KNOW that was her gift to me to get me to let go because she was ready. Everything that could be done for her had been done for her. With her choice to leave in that way, I didnt have to struggle with trying to bring her back/keep her alive. What a wonderful life she had with you~ I hope to memories of that will ease your heart but please know that it is ok to grieve her loss here for as long as it takes. What did you like to do with her? I love labs- they are so wonderful! Gentle Hugs!!!

Dear Edwina, First as some one who was responsible for the deaths of two dogs (one mine one anothers) in my life I KNOW exactly what you mean! AND You didnt set out to kill him and you did EVERYthing you knew how to do! You didnt know this would happen! THAT is the difference!!! Dear Heart I truely believe everyone choses the manner of their death on the higher realms. Our geft to them is to honor their life by learning from the lessons and even sharing them. A dog I was training for a friend killed a chihuahuia at the dog park - I NEVER go to dog parks and I waned evey one else. Another got hit by a car because I let him lose in my front yard, and he took off chasing something, so now my dogs are under my control ALWAYS when we go out. Grieve your loss what a wonderful life with you he had. But separate out the guilt and left it go, YOU DID NOT KNOW!!! Higs, CJ

It is so sad that the one thing we are guarenteed of dealing in life, we are not taught any tools for dealing with. Just two hours ago, I learned that my best friend came home from work yesterday for find a dog that she had rescued was dead at the gate. She had had her to the vet and obviously he did not catch it either. She is in shock and we are caught up in the grief of a life hardly lived. I owe my time as a Hospice of the Valley volunteer so much for coming to inderstand that there is so much emotion we wrap up in this thing called grief. There is shock that we didnt catch ___ (whatever) what seems so obvious after, there is guilt that we didnt do more, combined with guilt, or blame or ever shame at what ever we didnt to... And even too unspoken, unexpressed grief at other events in our lives...we all pile it into a cup reserved for our pets. Do not let the minutes of this death, cancel the wonderful years of life, thanks to you. Grief the loss of life as long as you need to, but dont forget those wonderful times too. How blessed was that life to find you, when so many go to the pound, die alone. Being with you is a gift to be treasured, especially in these troubled time. I am so gad that you came to give that life the gifts of you. Love and hugs for the pain you are going through. I hope you find some comfoft in these words. CJ

You did not know of the dangers! I too had a small dog killed in such an emvironment. It is iso importamt to forgive your self. Separate out the grie from the guilt! Dont let her death be a wasted one. You will save a life if the future! Maybe a dog, maybe a human - maybe even your daughter. For you have learned about preditors amd prey. Bless your beloved Mimi for the lesson she gave you. You did not know about the dangers. I never now take my dog to the dog park, I never now let my dogs run free outside my back yard. I hope you will find it in your heart to give another dog a home in your loving arms. Truely you and your daughter deserve that special love. Did you know that 95,000 dogs are killed in our county each year? You did not know. You deserved to have that love! You could make such a differience in anothers life. Share the blessing and the gift you were given! Hugs. CJ

That is incredible example of listening to your inner self (ow higher self) and acting on the intuitive dialog! I live to stories like that because I have become convinced that dogs talk with our higher self ( or inner self ) and we do know what to do for them. I am really glad you are holding on to them too! have been through the deaths of 4 dogs and 2 parents and I know how bone tired on every level, mental,physical and emotional one can be after sharing that final journey. One thing that I do is to go into my bedroom and be quiet with my (current) dogs in apuppy pile (cause I sure dont like peoplet those times - sad smile). It took me so much longer to trust that inner voice.

Oh how glad that I amthat you are sharing your thoughts! First, you did the PERFECT action by having multiple dogs! I know that you have forgotten that dogs are pack animals! You were a pack animal that would come in and out of the pack (going away to work) - just like when dogs wiuld go hunting! We think like humans and forget to think like dogs in assessing their lifestyle. If fact, I make a point to take different digs out for different event so farstall anxiety behaviors. When Foxie couldnt walk anymore, I would just sit with her watching tv. But again I wish I cou;d give to you what a gift you gave her to spend her last months in a safe secure, shelter with her pack when so many are alone and unloved espcially at such a WONDERFUL old age. I also understand what you are saying with "care fatigue" . I have four dogs too like you and when life is wearing you down in these challenging time, having all those animals really adds to the challenge because you are not free to make decisions.Now one thing you could do is get with a rescue and put one or more of your dogs up for adpotion.?. It would be what they call a courtesy adoption. Would that be something that would help you? I sure hope we can help you see how wonderful her life really was! Could you have done more in retrospect? Sure! Because wo matter what we do, Ill bet there is not one person here who didnt think of thijngs they would have done after the fact. So I KNOW there are thing you are thinking of you did for her (again, the just exordinary fact she lived 18 years-just exordinary for that breed!) Again,I am not trying to mitigate your grief. As along as it takes it is what it is. I am only trying to separate the guilt and show that it is really really wrong because the trust and truth is that you WERE there for her in every way that counted! Hugs!

Hi there, First let me be clear about something. The medication you were going to purchase WAS NOT a cure, it WAS a bandage designed to expand the time Molly had. You know, it bogglesmy mind how much pain they will endure in part, because they love us and do so willingly, and in part because we are unwilling to let go. I hope you will consider that her higher self was speaking to your higher self that KNEW there was nothing more to do and that Molly was ready to go to the other side. They dont fear death as we do, for them - it is simply another state of being. Make no mistake either-I miss miss miss my doggies, all the things we used to do, share and just being together. I hope that you will separate out that grief, from the guilt and blame you feel, because that piece is from your mind that tells you that you would never have given enought, and if you would look back, comes from other situations where you have been told your effects didnt measure up. Trust your inner self that knew what was best is this situation! My dogs have been teachers. They taught me how to face death squarely and without fear, to stay in each moment as the other inches slowly to the bridge. I learned to share those moments, and hold my grieving till after, it sounds like you found your way there too. I hope some of this can bring you peace for truely you earned that with all the wonderful wonderful years you gave to sweet Molly when so many never know that love and care! My heart to yours!

I am soooo sorry on the loss of your sweet four legged. 18 years is just absolutey amazing, what exordinary care you must of given this sweet baby! Would you share a little more about what you were thinking you should have done? Hugs! CJ Anderson

Hi Mark, I am so very sorry for your loss. I remember my complete shock when I learned my lab Junebug, a therapy dog that I had invested a whole dream of teaching people to turn rescued dogs into therapy dogs, when she was diagnosed with what I thought was a bee sting, into T-cell lymphoma - which would have killed her iin under 30 days with out chemo which thanks to some angel supporters got her a few more months. I just did a table event for Mayday Pits in honor of Pitbull Awareness day, where I also promoted animal ministries, animal in disasters and Gabriels Angels where I talk about my work with Junebug. I broke down crying ever time I tried to speak today, something I havent done for a while. Point is I hope I can get you to see how completely normal you are. I hope you will check at the bookstores to see if a book called Bill at Rainbow Bridge is there By Dan Carrison if you cant find it, then please order it from Amazon for only $11.95 I promise you will feel like you have found a brother and I pray that the words there will help you find the clarity you are looking for while helping you know how completely supported you are to feel the way you do, for as long as it takes. I hope , when you are ready, you will join many of us to spread the word about cancer awareness and prevemtion as an outlet for your rage. Animal Wellness in 2006 staid that cancer would be found on 52% of our pets alive today, up from 48% just a few short years earlier. I call our beloved animals, the new mine canaries. What do you need most right now? A support goup? To work on documenting memories throug pictures, and stories like on dogster, before they slip away? I have a memory area of the house where my last several animals ashes are...along with paw prints, collars, favorite pictures... I love feeling them close that way. Please know that this is what this place is for. We just need for your to speak about what you need from us! Hugs for you!Junebugs Journey to Destiny

I am SO sorry to hear of your great loss, is there any way that you can make your self focus on the gift of the live you shared with this wonderful beauty? It doesnt seem to matter how many beloved dogs I have had, no matter how they pass to the rainbow bridge, I am always second guessing the choices I make which does nothing but keep me locked in an endless cycle of guilt, blame and shame. I realized that I could use that same time to remember every wonderful moment we had, to share with others how much better a person I was because they were in my life and for me, what has become more important, getting to the point where I could save another life. Each soul which can never be replaced, and some of which I still bust into tears when something reminds me of them, still taught me how to love and give, even through the toughest times. I will light a candle and say a prayer for you both tonight, please know we will be here to try to help in what ever way you ask for for as long as it takes. From my heart to yours!!!!

Hi, Actually there is no shows being made right now because they did many and Nat Geo, who dealy loves Cesar, slowed things down (only 15 new episodes showed this year, so some new ones could be spread into the fall), so Cesar could take a break he has not had to re organize his life. Ilusion was involved in every element of the business and everything has to be redone organizationally, combined with the fact that his divorce will not be final until early 2011. You know, this was actually one of my earliest gifts I got when I went through training as a volunteer with Hospice of the Valley 25 years ago. The paster came in and said, you know, we deal with death all the time, when we lose a job, have to move, GO THROUGH A DIVORCE... these are all opportunitites for us to learn how to grieve and move on that we are conditioned into ignoring until it is so in our face (someone catestrophiclaly dies), that suddenly, every loss we have comes bublbling up and we grieve it all together, which makes it so over whelming so many times. So consider, if you will, that what he is going through is really no diffferent then like when I sat by my Dad's side while he was dying, having to wrap up and change all those life and lifestyle details for when he would no longer be there! When it is finially over in early January, Cesar will still have a year to go through of all those "firsts" Hospice of the Valley talks about. I run a yahoo "Dogwhispererfan" email list where your folks can get the help and support they need that is the only group approved by Team Millan and infact has been in their newsletter many times. We have helped over 25,000 people solve their problem dogs and moved on, it has over 3100 members right now. Just go to yahoo groups and do a search by the name, so if they cant find it let me know. Hugs!

May I offer another perspective from one who is outside your situation? It seems to me that actually the very opposite is true! Your heart, your soul, your EIGHTEEN year connection to that wondersful little being was what influenced your choice to space that suffering. Eigheen years,~ what an incredible life together you mist have had, when so many breed's lifetime are half or less like the Great Danes! How cold you NOT hear what your little heart-mate was wanting? I truly truly feel that it is all the cociety programming that we absorb, all other peoples rules about what she should and ought do that get in the way and drown out what we know in our deepest selves would ease the incredible suffering of these voiceless ones. I helped to birth a rottie chow who was the last pup out that made it alive of a litter of ten. He was slow and I made the decisiion to take and work with him rather then have him end up on a chian somewhere. 12 Years later, with a foot ball size tumor entwined with his hear and lungs not diagnosed until way too late, I could see the suffering every time he looked at me...then made the soul searing decision to euthanize him. So I was right there for those last breaths. He fought it, with his last breath, he lifted up his head to look at me, and I KNEW that he was saying thank you, because I could see the relief in his eyes that was unmistakable. I also knew, that he would have stayed as long as I needed him to, being so unwilling to let him go that he would not leave me on his own, suffering endlessly because he loved me that much. It was such a huge lesson, that I have since worked very hard to trust that heart connection with all the following dogs to tell them to LET ME KNOW when they were ready, when they were done. Then once I got that "feeling" from them, I vowed no matter what to be ruthless with ME to never allow myself to second guess, to allow the programming I have inherited from my religion, from my authority figures, from my own mind that is always ready to trick me back into my ego which would have had that dog stay alive for my benefit, more then his. Whenever I am tempted to go there, I remember how much he (they) were suffering and now how they are free of all that pain, and with me all the time! So having said that, would you consider that after 18 years, your heart and soul connection KNEW what he wanted, and your mental programming (and emotional desire to have him back) is trying to bully you into making a different decision for you to make you wrong or bad, (for what ever reason) for sticking up for the needs of your beloved fourlegged friend? Hugs!

First I recommend Debbie Johnstone who lives in Carefree and here is her website:http://listen2animals.com/ I also have had success with Nancy Windheart who is up in Prescott, her webiste is www.CommunicateWithYourAnimals.com Here is an animal communicator forum you can join which also has free audio to listen too: http://www.AnimalCommunicatorForum.com Cesar's books have GREAT indexes. In "Cesar's Way" the first book, you will find the disucssion on page 96, 264-267. In his third book, "A Member of the Family" it is in pgs 239-44, 273-79. I actually work with Cesar and his team helping others to understand and apply Cesar's solutions to their unique situations, conditions, knowledge and skills. I would be interested to know where that comment came from Ilusion that Cear was depressed. This was not my experience. Cesar was going through many challenges resulting in losses. If we look at the webster definition of depression: " : an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a : a pressing down : lowering b (1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies c (1) : a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force (2) : a lowering of vitality or functional activity". I would have to say that Cesar was feeling loss, becuase none of these definitions apply except and indirectly possibly sadness. How do I know? Well the primary validation I point to is the dogs he worked with, who do not lie. If you have his second book, "Be the Pack leader" You will see he talks about dogs as teacher, healers, mirrors who show us our true selves as we really are, instead of buying the social mask we put on to fool other humans. One week after Daddy died, (and this was a day by day decision they had lived with since the first of the year), he was in England, helping others with their problem dogs. When I hear the word depression, I hear unexpressed emotion (e-motion = energy in motion...or not) to the point that the human is immobilized. When I feel the bubble of sadness and loss, I escape as soon as I can to a quiet place and really work to have it expressed..sobbing, deep breathing to really get it out like releasing the pressure behind a faucet. He misses Daddy so much because they were together all the time but he feels that there are so many dogs that need his help and attention that he really does keep focused on how he can help them right now in each moment, rather then dwelling in the past and all the things he should have done. (I am working to be more like that too, old habits are hard to let go of for me. So I hope this helps truly. Know in sharing your thoughts you help us all! Hugs!

Hi Lisa, when I read your response, I suddenly remember that I had forgotten about my Dad's old sheltie. Hospice of the Valley was such a blessing to help with his cancer, when he died, I was just trashed, inspite of my efforts to take care of myself. Her name was sierra and she was just lost without him, she used to go in his closet and sleep on his shoes after he was gone (I am sure the clothes smelled like him as well). One month later, I knew the end was close for her and decided that if she wasnt gone by the next morning that I would have to take her to be euthanized. I got down on the floow to sleep with her in my arms. I remember I was really mad, I talked to Dad's spirit (and any angels around and told them to come and get her - I said, "dont you make me do this to her (euthanize) after everything I have been though!" I finially fell asleep about 4am, and she had gone to the rainbow bridge. It was such a relief! Now Lisa, I beg you to trust your intuitive self! This is something that has been one of the best gifts for me of practicing Cesar's way. I had a sheltie back in 90 that was old and blind. He had a stroke but was sustaining. I had just fed him in the bathroom, so he could eat in peace and went to prepare the other dogs foods. In the space of minutes, he some how found his way down the hall and out the doggie door, and fell in the pool and drown before I found him. MINUTES! I was so shocked. (You also could imagine the guilt becuase I did not let him outside or access to the doggie door unsupervised). This was another dog I feel so strongly that decided to die to spare me the agony of having him euthanized. One thing I have head many times is that whether about human or animal, our overwhelming grief keeps them from getting through to us and I have come to feel that is really true. As I learned to transition and reframe my feeling about death and dying into a different way to work with it, I find my connection with them is stronger then ever AND make no mistake, I still cry at unexpected times, but it is just sadness and not pain or overwhelming grief. I also know a couple of animal communicators and once some time has passed, if you want to connect with me I will get you their information. I find that is a great comfort as well as they share things only I know! Lisa may I offer one more thought to consider? when I tend to let my self get wrapped in guilt in all the things I should have done. I MAKE my self think of how much love, care and wonderful times we had, that would not have happend for THAT dog if I didnt step up to make a difference in its life. I am attaching a poster I made to help me remember what a difference I make with my love for you to have, if you click on it you can read it, then right click to save it to your computer! Hugs Lisa!

Hi, I am sorry I dont know your name. May I offer another way to look at this for you to consider? I had an epithany when I read in Cesar Millan's book "Cesar's Way", about his view that animals do not reguard death the same way we humans do. I had to wonder if my desparate attachments to my dogs were keeping them with me to the point that I had to be the one to decide to euthanize them to end their suffering. for me, the act of having to euthanize my dog is my deepest pain. I worked hard to change not only my mindset, by my emotional and spiritual feelings about this end of life jouney. So I ended up talking to my dogs, letting them know when they were ready they had to find a way to let me know. Letting them know that I valued every moment and also that our journey didnt end when they went to the rainbow bridge, only changed. With my last two, both who had cancer, the first I swear tricked me into taking her to the vet. I asked them to assess where she was at, they suggested we go eat while they were running some tests. The vet called while we were eating, Foxie's heart just stopped for no clear reason while she was on the table, they wanted to know if they should continue, but I knew that was her way of helping me to let go. Just last March, my therapy dog Junebug who had been in remission from her t-cell lymphoma, started her spirial down in a matter of days. It was so gentle I wasnt sure. I went to teach a class and when I came home, five hours later, this clearly was to be her last day. After four hours, I knew I had to take her in to euthanize her because she was suffering. I held her while Steve drove. She passed away literally 15 seconds before we pulled into the vets. her gift to me I am so clear, her gratitude was to take that choice from me. For me there is the pain of guilt, fear and anxiety if I am doing the right things and making the right choices for my beloved dogs. Then there is thepain of loss which can only be gone through as often as it comes up, as dep as it needs to be. I find if I avoid the grief, shove it in or away, the pain remains for years. If I allow it to come out (locking my self in the bathroom or walking away from others if I have to, the pain is replaced by sadness, peace and gratitude for the time that we shared. When I move into that stage, I can put together my memory book pictures, movie or alter, that is what opens the door for me to bring another fourlegged that I can make a difference to into my life. It just takes as long as it takes. I too keep momentos, hair, the collar, the favorite toy with their ashes which I keep by me where I can smile when I look at that spot. These are only my experiences, my truths. If you search inside, is it possible that she loved you so much that she wanted to spare you from making painful choices, whether for more treatment which would not help her suffering, whether to have to euthanize her, as her gift to you for the time you had together? My heart to yours for your loss.

Hi Justice, If there is one thing I have learned from my involvement with Hospice of the Valley, it is the importance of turning to experts when we are out of our depth for help immediately. We have a new program at hospice to help people with Chronic illness make more effective decisions and understand options and resources. What this means is that while that person with a chronic illness might not yet be elegible for Hospice of the Valley provided services, instead of being frozen by emotions and feelings of helplessness, they are empowered to take action! I know of a professional cat behaviorist who has information available that might help but also could be a great resource for you. Her email and website which has information on it is: Email:elizabeth.pericles@cox.net Website:http://allaboutcatsaz.wordpress.com What I know from my experience with animals, is that when we are feeling the negative emotions, fear, anger, guilt, frustration...animals dont assign labels, they just react to open energy or abrasive energy. the sooner you can do what you have to, to let go of those feelings to move into a calm, centered and open space, the more a fearful animal will respond by coming closer. What has worked for me in creating positive results from lost animals, is finding the best experience I had with that animal to move me in a good space to set intention of reuniting clearly, then sitting down and visualizing looking into that animals eyes, while imagining a energy fishing line I cast out to hook around their collar (neck) and then I visualize reeling them back into my life/arms/home. what I have found, is that it doesnt work if I have one drop of fear or anxiety, my energy must be like a deep dark quiet, calm pool of well water. It may help you to go to greatfulness.org to the candle link on the left side, to create a personal or candle group to help add positive energy to yours! here is a link to that place: http://www.gratefuln...enter.cfm?l=eng Hope that helps, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. CJ