CJ Anderson

I am soooo sorry for your loss! I know nothing will fill that hole you have ever until you are united at the rainbow bridge and that grief is all right! Please Please do not confuse the pain of the loss with the guilt. You acted exactly as I wopuld have, even to going to the vet without the appointment. You made the decsions based on the porfessional judgement of your vet AND your gut and heart which knows what is truth. That heavens, I believe that the shock we go through freezes the brain which is all full of rationalizations and thoughts of heroic actions which dont do for our beloved pets but make us humans feel better. I have come to see that really, it is not the number of days but the fact that we were there for them to help them through their disease and even to the rainbow bridge. I really feel that pets dont feel about death the way humans do because they see the other side and all our pets that have gone before. Did you know that Maricopa County had 98.000 pets pass through its doors last year and about half were euthanized? How wonderful that you were there to give love and support to that sweet fourlegged soul! How lucky he was to find you and have you there for his journey for he so easily could have been alone and suffered so much more! I have said before that I have termper tantrums sometimes because I HATE being left behind here on this planet but here I am, another day and more dogs awaiting help that I can give. I hope that you can use you will to focus on the good you did and still continue to do!!! Hugs! CJ

If you have the kind of vet who appease, they would have suggested all kinds of addional things! I am always honored that a vet trust me to give me there gut feeling because they are so vulnerable if the client turns on them acquising them of not doing enough. I believe dogs above all, are our teachers, our healers, our mirrors. when their time is done they move on to make room for the next one. It sounds to me that you very definatly in a specific stage of growth. Do you have kids where one doent need a whole lot but another does need help, attention and work? Dogs are like that too. I have had dogs which didnt stirl from my side. The four I have now, chose to be downstairs and outside instead of next to me on the bed! dont tell stories made up by humans because dogs have a wonderful life without emotional etories, (shold have petted them more, played with them more...because their reality just is whatever it is by my experience. I wish you could reply that scene as an impartial outsider because you would see that you make the decision that was right for both of you. My mom was constantly in pain longing for death that was denied her because our socierty demanded she flight for every breath no matter how it hurt (*pre-hospice days). IF she could of recovered (and we never did find a cure) she was doomed to spend her days in bed - something else she hated. Instead she is free of the pain. I even took a picture of her in the casketbecause I never again wanted to forget how much pain she was in before in a picture. You may have husled William on his path - and look how much suffering you saved him! Thank of what he would have gone throu while you did test after test. I STILL feel that your instinctual self KNEW. I applaude you for askig the Vet and trusting her professionalism and instinct too. I ALWAYS get a vets opinion before I make that decision to euthanize BECAUSE I want to have a professional opinion. And there was onetime where my instinct KNEW that Foxie wasnt ready to go, even through the vet told me she had two weeks, she had a clear diagnosis and took the holistic path for FIVE years, because that time was good QUALITY time where she was NOT in pain. But I "knew". I hope sharing my experience is helping. Again to spearate the grief which will be a long time (if ever) from the guilt which is your inned self punishing you for every thing you have done wrong! (Especially when "you didnt know") He sounds like he would have been a great Therapy dog! Hugs CJ

Hi and I DO understand! My sweet Thunder boy was my other half. I was in such rage when they told me that a football size tumor was under his heart and lungs. I had brought him six months ago and they told me he was limping from arthritus! I had helped to bring his into this world, the last to survive and very slow - I took him because I was afraid my well meaning fried would give him to someone who would put him on a chain as unteachable. By the way I believe the studies about altuism where they have shown that one can make a huge difference in those babies just by giving love and attention in those early days. My 120lb baby was really suffering, I stayed home with him as long as I could. As I looked to the week ahead where I would have to leave him. I decided to euthanize him rather then risk him having spells when I was gone. I knew the doubts and second guessing I would go though about this but I could bear to have him suffer. Do you know that dogs dont show their suffering as a survival trait? That is why I said your heart would know the truth that your eyes could not pick up! (I know about the parents too fost mom and then dad from his cancer) In the last moments Thunder lifted his head to look at me and I KNEW he would have willingly suffered on for me rather then put me through the agony of having him go. Make no mistake, I grieve to this day for him 12 years later I miss him so and count the SECONDs till I am reunited with him and the others again. In the mean time,~ here I am, one more day, that someone has ordained that I am here on this planet. So I might as well make it count for something. Valley West Rescue had a foster that lost a dog at 12st and Van Buren, so in an hour, I am going down where we feed homeless and low income owner's pets, to hand out the lost dog poster I made for them in the area, Westward Ho, Steel Commons and CASS as my way of honoring thunder and passing on when others helped me find Junebug (whpp passed from Cancer. How did William come into your life? Hugs CJ I KNOW that animals view death different them us. I am convinced that they see the other side with no effort. The big thing was thinking how happy and free of pain he is now for me, I could not wish for him suffering on this side just for me! I think about the animals needing love on this side still...do you know that Maricpa county is the second largest animal crontrol with 98,000 animals just last year, half of them are euthanized. So I MADE myself reframe how I was thinking about his being gone so I could keep functioning and keep helping animals (so many ways to help without actually getting a new pet)

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I was there to get you to trust your instinct! When your vet added her instincts if you didnt agree on a deep gut level everything who have shouted NO and you would have done something different. we are taught to ognore our intuition, psychic flashes are ignored. yet the one thing we CAN trust is our links with out dogs. we connect on the emotional, mental physical AND spiritual level with our beloved pet. You changed to a wonderful food. You did everything for him you could think of! He is free now and pain free above all. For him it will be just a blink before you meeting him at the rainbow bridge. I feel my dogs that have passed are around me when I can quiet my grief and be still emotionally. I still have periodic temper tantrums with the guy upstairs that I am not woth my dogs by the way, . I hope you will think about the fact that your dog wouold have gladly gone thru what ever treatment and what ever cost of suffering for you. What a gift you gave that sweet little soul, not making him continue to suffer. I had a special dog from Best Friends who became a therapy dog, in fact went through Hospice of the Valleys Pet Connection and I found out a few weeks later that she was suffering from t-cell lymphoma. I only had her for 18 months. I have had 4 other dogs lost from cancer and let me assure you, you did all you could! I truely feeling that your gut knew the suffering he was going through and continued to face. Grieve your heart out and know how welcomed you are here, but please dont feel quilty! You chose the best route for HIM. If it had been for you he would continue to suffer! Hugs CJ

Hi and I am so sorry for what you are going thru! I know it is aweful to focus on the ending and life after they are gone. For me, I had to MAKE myself dwell instead on the wonderful life they had with me (I have had four so far) and how empty my life would have been without them. The loss has stayed with me, that spot in my heart will forever be theirs. I count the moments till I can join them at the rainbow bridge and sometimes I hate this life without them. But here I am stuck in one more day of doing what ever, so I make it count for someone still alive. I help with feeding pets whose owners are stuggling, have a therapy dog to replace with work of one I lost (no one could replace Junebug) and in 15 minutes I am going to talk to animal techs about the value of Hospice and what hospice can do for the families of pets. I hope you will share your journey with us, we have all been there (and in my case anyway, will be again). Please know that what ever you are feeling you are so welcomed in this group. We will be there for you as much as you let us! What are you doing now to treasure time with him? Hugs CJ

Hi Kat, I wanted to check on how you were doing? I know with my theray dog, whe was taken by cancer 2 years after I got her and trained her. I was in shock because we were going to do suck great things together! I ended up making a film about her that I placed on www.youtube.com/cjanderson , It makes me feel good thinking about how many lives she had touched even after getting the cancer. for me the hole never does away but I learn to keep my attention on other dogs and tasts I do for the living, knowing she is waiting for me on the rainbow bridge. I remind my self how painful the cancer was for her at the end and give thanks that she went quickly, and cry for her not being by my side. Keep breathing! I would love to hear how she came into your life! Hugs! CJ

Hi Mark, I lost June bug in 2007 and just yesterday I drop into tears as a memory of her working with me came thru when I was talking to a potential volunteer about doing some work. Took about three minutes to work it thru - just kept talking thru the tears, point is - the pain of the loss stays with you as long as it stays. (years? Forever???) I have Foxie and Thunder and Scotties...sigh. But I feel there is a difference between grieving the loss of as individual and grieving the loss of that lifestyle - that seems to me why people cant move on. I KNOW they are around me, I KNOW they wait for me at the rainbow bridge but I still have "temper tantums" about them moving on. One thing I am comming to feel tho, is our acceptance or not about their dying makes the difference if they are enthanized. I am begining to feel that when we accept their death it makes it easier for them to go. I am feeling that it is not such a big deal to them (because they can see the souls on the other side?) So for me, it is a complement on an "Maturity" so to speak when they just cross over with euthanizing help. Thank you so much for sharing your story. The holidays for me are a time of loss and I dont celebrate them anymore. I just try to make every day commemorate familiy and celebrating a new day! CJ Anderson

What a beutiful dog! I remember my shock when I learned that my theraoy dog Junebig,was diagnosted with a fast acting cancer. Its her picture here and she has a movie on youtube.com.cjanderson of going from being a problem dog faster at Best Friends to a Therapy dog in in 30 days. I did that the show what could be done with rescue dogs that are seen as a problem but just need a job to do. I was so mad and hurt because I had planned great things...amazing, I had two angel donpr come forward and she was anle to live with chemo * more months. I have began to wonder if they dont chose the manner of how they die based on us... My Dad's dog was so lost without him, she was old croppled, sick and kept looking for him, sleeping in hi9s c;oset becaruse that was where his clothes were. 30 days after he died, I KNEW she had to be put down the next morning, I slept on the floor with her/ I railed at Dad and the Angels to come GET her and dont make me do this after nursing Dad thru the end, I just could not bear what needed to be done. Finially I feel asleep exhausted. The sun came up and she was gone. I had aniother, Foxie that shoud have diied from Cancer is two weeks. She lived 4 quality of life years, tricked me into taking her to the Vet on a sunday, then her heart stopped (I KNEW it was her way of leaving. Junebug died just as we were pulling into the vet. Thunder fought the euthanasia to the end as I knew this dog that I helped with birthing did not want to leave me or me him, from the terrible cancer that had him.... With the other dogs that died to the ones I help die, I just have come to believe that they serve us with lessons out if their love, not the least of which is do we celebrate their lives (I just woke Steve up with my quiet crying for all those dogs after all this time) vs focusing on those last moments of life. I am soooo heppy that Sylvie got to be with you! What adventures you two had together. Have you made a memproal page or you tube video of her yet? You know my favorite is http://www.onetruemedia.com it is so intuititve! Hugs CJ Anderson

Hey guys, I would like to invite you to the Animal Kinship Ministries Pet Blessing and Adoptathon this sunday at 18010 N. Tatum, west side tween Union Hills and Bell. It might help your Spirit to walk amogest us, to connect your sprirt thru the animals there, you would volunteer to walk an adoptable pet or just sit in this energy of people celebrating animals. We will be accepting gifts of pets items for families that are burned out of home, we will be accepting donations of food. re-bagging them and giving them to people who are struggling. An Animal communicator will be there if you want to bring a picture of your beloved pet, or your live pets to get them blessed. We will cherish and respct you for there you will not be alone. I will be there if you want to volunteer Call me at 602-206-0736. My heart to yours` CJ2011 Adoption Event Pet Blessing Flyer.pdf

I am SO sorry for the loss of Baby and what she meant to you! Truely that is the time I hate being on this planet the most is when I lose a dog! I have lost two dogs to cars. For me the guilt almost ate me up alive. When I took training from Hospice of the Valley, I learned to separate out the guilt from the grief. The reality was that I did not set to deliberately harm my beloved pets. The first was 40 years ago and I got careless, I actually called hom not knowing that he was across the street andcalled him into danger, the other happened a few year ago when Signal got out when a foster beagle dug iunder the gate in my concete fence back yard. I didnt even know he was gone because I was sick with pneumonia. For me, my unconcoious self alwas wants me make me the responsibe one and therefore the bad person... I realized that while I am responsibe I always to the best I can - even on the bad hair days. It was a MISTAKE and I have learned. While I would give my soul to not have another soul pay the price, I can honor them by making their life count for something. Now I am president of Empty Bowl Pet Food Pantry, I lead a emailist for 3000 people who want to turn their problem dogs into good dogs, by using Cesar Millans techniques )work with his organiations too, help animals in disaster in arizona, and help form animal misinstries as a way to heal, empower and help people make a connection to spirit. I teach pet first aid and safety too. I had a stroke a year ago that had me wheel chair bound, unable to speak. So I have had to be ruthless with that little voice that wants me to stay in my room because some dogs died and I was responsible. But make no mistake, I grieve their loss in my life and I still have tempter tamtrums about it with the MAN upstairs even 49 years later so be JIND and gentle with your self~ that little soul was so lucky to have you and love you when so many die alone and unloved! (about 50,000 of the 95,000 that make it to Maricopa animal control last year). Please know how welcome you are here! Hugs! CJ

I am so sorry for your loss and share your grief. There is NOTHING harder then to make the decision to put our beloved pet down. I am always questioning the decision, even though I trust my intuition and my relationship with them. How old was the shedard mix to Jonas when you got her. How did Jonas show her the ropes? Hugs! CJ

Hi, I am so srry for your loss. I dont celebrate Christmas anymore because it is a time where I acuately feel the losses I have had. Instead I concentrate even dau on enjoysing the dalings I have left. These two things are not exclusive. I lost my theapy dog last year to cancer, I lost a beloved shelter 12 years ago. Even tho I believe both are around me, both wait patiently on the rainbow bridge, their loss has carved holes in my heart. A number of years ago I had the first dog I rescue who was a problem child. He was turning into such a good dog, in fact he was featured in Cesar Millan second book, Be the Pack Leaser in chapter 7. He also got out when I had pheonomia and was hit but a car, I didnt even know her was gone for about 12 hours. I fight all the time not to take on guilt, blame, and shame about that. You are right - to write abot the good thimes DOES allow us to move through grief so that we become functional again. How old was he when you first met him and how did you decide to take him in? Hugs - CJ

I had a similiar situation with my Foxie girl. I swear she tricked me into taking her to the vet where her heart stopped! I really believe that they chose when,when and how they want to go, having done what they came here to do on this planet. The simple fact that she was at the vets says to me that you did all that was possible to do!!! How lucky that she was to find you to love! I cannot imagine a better ending then in the arms of one I loved! They have move the proved that humans can hear what is being said and done even tho they are "unconscious", I have no doubt that she did know you were there too! I believe is is around you without pain or suffering as my dogs are around me in spirit. Make no mistake, I miss them terribly! I feel that when I pass to the other side in hardly any time for them, they will be waiting with love,kisses and wags for me. Hugs-CJ Anderson

I am so soory for your losses. How wonderful that she had your love for so long! You know last Firday, I went to the Animal Memoiarl service - I was supposed to do a reading but I couldnt so someome had to take over for me. I cried like a baby - it is two years since my latest June bug went from cancer. I realized that I really needed the memorial service because I get such pentup energy over the year from the dogs that I couldnt save, from the ones that left me. That is really does me good to share and cry with others. I hope you have as wonderful a support system!

PET MEMORIAL SERVICE New Vision Center 18010 N. Tatum Blvd. Phoenix, AZ When: Friday, October 21, 2010 Where: New Vision Center in the small chapel Time: 6:30p.m Please join us in rememberingour wonderful companions who have transitioned. A wonderful service designed to heal,remember and pay tribute to our faithful companions. Animal Chaplains Craig Haley,Kris Haley and Donna Yuritic will conduct conduct this healing service, which consists of music, readings, prayers, andremembrances. Please join us. Bring a picture of your beloved companion(s)to include in the service. For more information call: Mary Neuling (602)330-5211 We have included a poster in case you wish to post it or pass it around! AnimalMemorialService (2).rtf

I am so sorry for your loss. Me heart is heavy for you. Please when you feel ready, return here and share your storries of him with us! CJ Anderson

One thing that I recommend is to allow your crying when ever it comes up. (One time I had to excuse myself from a business meeting, went in the bathroon and cried my eyes out, then went on with my day). One thiing to keep in mind is that is just the body's way of releasing energy that has been pent up, no matter what the reason or why. To me the problem is when I become incapacitited, unwillining to engage in life which it does NOT appear you are at at all! For me it is in that place of darkness that I stop eating healthy, dont engage with people, even my loved ones and allow my live to be colored through that one event, especially if I have to take responibility for euthanizes the dog or for the death in some way. So please dont confuse the two kinds of emotion, emotionality which is helplessness and paraylsis vs emtions which are simply emergy in motion as necessary to the body as laughing, eating, breathing or going to the bathroom! Hugs ' CJ

You know, you are allowed to be any way here! There was a special point here. Some people take a long time to get there next pet. For me, it was with Thunder that I realized that each one was grieving space that would always be a hole that was theirs - so matter how long it took. So I have been able to love other dogs inspite of my loss. Bit let me assure you your feeling about what the pets would do for those kids were dead on. I volunteer for Gabriels Angels http://youtu.be/31Hq-M1IOXc huam animal tean stoppinjg the cycle of abuse in children. There are seven key values that they would for like compassion, empathy, that thise children com to see how connected we are because what they know is that humans lie - so it builds briges back to healing and realionship. I dont want to intrude on your grief but if you want to know more let me know! Hugs CJ

Oh I am so sorry for you loss! You are right ! We DO understand and will be her as long as you need us! I understand that it is made worst by the human factors! In both cases, you wonder if you did the right thing putting one down and if you could have prevented the other (both scenerios I have been through!) We always feel we could have done so much more. I have to leave for work but will write more tonight! Higs and tears! CJ

Thank you so much for sharing - I love hearing stories about her!

thank you for sharing with us! Isnt that just amazing how they make us grow up like that? How great that she played with the cat. Did she like to go out? Did you have places youd like to go together? With Foxie, we would just go out in thefront yard and watch the would go by. It was really great how she could make me switch gears like that! Foxie really prefered to stay home, but she loved to get people to come over and pet her! CJ

I am so sorry for your loss! It is an awaful pain to bear and know that you are welcomed here as long as it takes. You know though, it never gets easier no matter how they go. I am so GLAD that that little soul knew they were loved - so many die alone never knowing that love. I know for me it was such an effort to switch from focusing on the death to focusing on the many wonderful times we had together. I was so focused on the "shoulda,woulda couldas" that I realized I was dishonoring here times with me. Again I am so sorry for your loss. Would you share some more of what your times with her were like? Hugs CJ

I remember when I found out my Thunder boy had a FOOTBALL size tumor between his front leg and heart. I flew into rapge because I should have followed in instincts 6 months earlier when that vet said "oh its just arthritus" YUou might want to join his newsletter because if it ever happenes again, you can be better prepared. " Guilty feelings about not finding cancer sooner? One of the most powerful insights Dr. Dressler has brought to dog lovers is an understanding of why we so often diagnosis cancer “late.” “This came out of the blue – why didn’t I see it sooner?” is one of the most common questions dog lovers ask. Dr. Dressler stresses the importance of not feeling guilty about this because it is not your fault. The reason dogs don’t “act sick” and then seem to get “sick overnight” is simple, and it’s rooted in their wild natural origins. In the wild, dogs who are sick are vulnerable. The pack might leave them behind because they are slowing them down and are more likely to be targeted by predators. Also, sick dogs can lose pack position easily. So dogs have a natural instinct to NOT show that they feel sick. They will do everything possible to hide their symptoms until they finally can’t anymore. That’s why they can “seem fine” at breakfast and be “sick as a dog” by dinner. Combine that with the fact that there is only one “early detection” test for dog cancer (it’s for lymphosarcoma) and that some cancers don’t have any visible symptoms while they develop, and you get a really clear picture of why your dog’s illness may have snuck up on you and your vet. There was probably no way for you to know any sooner than you did that your dog was having a problem. So even though it may be human nature to feel a little guilty, Dr. Dressler urges you to have compassion for yourself during this tough time and take as much stress off your shoulders as you can. Less stress will help you keep a clear head, absorb the information that you must know, and make the best decisions possible for your dog. Feeling guilty about not seeing the cancer sooner is normal–and it is not your fault. In fact, Dr. Dressler feels so strongly that your stress must be managed as part of your dog’s cancer protocol that he devotes an entire chapter to de-stressing techniques and bonding sessions."

What a priceless gift you gave to that little Soul, she left knowing she was loved. I truely beliwve there is no gift greater, in the universe, whether for a day, week or longer. This is why I love volunteering for hospice. So may people leave at the end (whether leaving people or fourleggeds). Being there at the end of this journey on the planet so that that soul doent have to died alone truely is a great gift to them!

Mary, You know that second guessing is our human ability to infict more pain on ourselves to pay for all the mistakes,mis-choices we think that we may have made. I remember when my Thunder boy lifted his head and LOOKED at me after the shot, I knew he would do anything to keep ME from suffering as I watched him go. One thing that has really helped me is that I "see him" (and others) being on the bed besides me without pain, I visualized petting he - spirit to spirit. I feel they are around me all the time.