hello123

Its so weird I was trying not to think of the one year, but same here, I've been having nightmares for the past few days and I'm dreading it coming up, I know it'll be the same for you guys disbelief and shock but a weird feeling cuz it has sunk in more than before, I just cant even cry anymore just feel sick. Thinking of you lots xxx

Thinking of you Niamh, take care xx

Hey Bleu-Berry, I'm so so sorry for ur loss, just want to say that there are people who can relate to you on here and everything you say I guarantee someone will be feeling the same, my dad was the same-ish he was never unwell always happy and active and hurt his ankle playing football was carrying on normal and suddenly a blood clot killed him at 50, it's different because I didnt have to watch him suffer which is good and bad, I'm sorry you have those images and things like that will be hard to be forgotten the image that haunts me the most is seeing his body be cremated, although as time has passed I have stopped thinking about that, I wish I had a chance to say goodbye that haunts me so much as well, but as for isolating everyone you've come to the right place!! Everytime someone tells a story about a friend who has let them down makes me feel so much better because then It's like PHEW i'm not the only one this is happening to, i'm not abnormal! Don't think you're alone because everything you're feeling someone has felt/feeling, and it's a good place to write on xxx

Merangel08 I know exactly what you mean I feel the same way, I just forget it has happened and carry on cuz thats the only way I can be happy but it makes me feel so guilty at times its such a horrible feeling, I dont know about normal but I do it too so your not alone!

Does anyone get this feeling like really uneasy and on edge all the time?? I havent been thinking about my dad for a while and have been getting on and being happy and all of a sudden an overwhelming nauseous feeling and shaking but cant cry, maybe if i cry it will make it better I dunno what to do how can you stop this feeling it just came out of nowhere its a horrible feeling

Lost Daughter- All i wanna say is PLEASE PLEASE dont think ur alone, dont wanna compare stuff but just give you examples to show you that what these people are saying and doing to you its not because of u ur not doing anything wrong because lots of people have done the same to me. My best friend told me to "stop trying to make her feel sorry for my family situation because she doesnt" nobody wants to know unless you pretend to be normal and happy and its taken a while and I go through phases of anger towards them but you just have to reach a stage of acceptance where you realise that people get on with their own lives and what happens to them seems to reign above anything that happens to anyone else, its not their fault they just CANT understand so they dont they move on with their lives. Of course this doesnt excuse people being nasty and horrible but somehow to make yourself feel better you have to jus accept that thats how some people are and thats how they feel. I hope this is actually making you feel better not worse but its because reading your posts just make me feel like PHEW its not just me seeing people in a different light other people are as well. Take care and just focus on YOURSELF, obviously its nice to speak to your mum too but I get what you mean because sometimes even my mums too busy with stuff to talk and Niamhs right she has her own stuff to deal with so everyone just has to help themselves and thats what you have to do, stop expecting stuff from people and you wont be disappointed, if you feel upset try and make the most of being in your own company and if you ever feel like socialising just be aware that you can't "dampen the mood" so to speak because its horrible but thats not what people want. Cant explain it really doesnt mean you have to hate them just means you have to accept that thats ultimately how people are (this is what im trying to do anyway) hope your ok!!!

Lostdaughter- Not stupid I always think about that, people tell me 2 consider myself lucky because of the relationship we had and how so many people don't have that. It's just different circumstances they're all horrible for the people experiencing them at this point in time I can't consider myself lucky but I can imagine how hard it must be to never have something and especially if you wanted to so I'm really sorry but all I can say is to look and focus on the people who DO care and who DO give as much as you do!!

Thank you so much Niamh!! It's good to know im not the only one who feels like that sometimes xx

Thank you Ooni im sorry about your Dad, and thanks Niamh. It's comforting to read what you guys write and it's like I ALWAYS SAY THAT but theres no1 i can say it to because no1 else gets it!!

I just found out a girl in my year who blatantly had severe mental health issues but was never helped has committed suicide aged 21. What has made me so mad is peoples' reactions, when I heard I came home straight away but my friends asked why are you going home as though it's an everyday occurrence. this is like a rewind and I feel like I have the guts to say what I never did say to everyone, everyones upset and shocked now but by next week theyl'll be fine, they dont have to LIVE with it they carry on as normal in their lives complaining about stupid things I can't even express how angry I am at the injustice. I was just speaking to my 16 year old brother who said I remember the last thing I said to Dad I was really annoyed at him making me go to bed so I complained and said goodnight angrily, I feel so helpless how can I help him? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO US?? Why is death a bit of drama and a joke to everyone else where as some peoples' lives are ruined? It's so unfair that this has happened to us, and worse that people are such self-obsessed stupid individuals... ARGHH sorry had to rant I feel soo bad I cried and smashed stuff but my housemate shouted what the hells wrong with you- great support I know, I don't have anyone to talk to which isn't always bad but sometimes because its all inside you need to do something drastic like break stuff which would be ok if you weren;t surrounded by clueless people who's main ordeal in life is their girlfriend drama or 'what shall i wear to my night out' i hate them all!!!!!!!!

So sorry for your losses Meggie, but I just wanted to say I don't think there is a right way of coping and although it feels weird and surreal to carry on THAT is you coping. I always found it weird that I was doing things like normal and I was waiting for it to just hit me all at once so I couldnt carry on, some days it is like that but it hasn't been a phase, some people do cope like that but others dont so I think you're doing just fine. It's a shame theres no grief counsellors around but it's good you have your husband to talk to probably better because you both share the same pain so you can relate to each other. take care

Hi was just wondering peoples views about where people who die go? See if any of them make me feel better?

I'm so sorry for your loss NancyL, it's hard when you're alone and difficult to adjust, I can imagine how difficult and lonely it must be and its hard to get used to it. Maybe try enjoying your own company, going to the movies etc? Do you have any family or even friends you can do stuff with, it doesn't mean you have to spend all your time around people, just for things to do. And I saw what you said about your interpretation and I know what you mean, I think it's easier for people with faith and who are strong believers in the idea that the people who have died are still experiencing these things. I dunno if you've noticed how people always say how things in nature make them feel closer to their loved one maybe when you do the things you did together it will make you feel closer to him? Feel his presence, whether you believe in anything spiritual or not it could just be that the memories are strongest when you're doing those things so it will make you feel less alone? Sorry I couldn't help anymore

Thanks and sorry for ur loss too!! And thats the main point, we don't have the answers, its good you have your faith so u know u will receive them one day, cuz thats something to keep you going

Sorry Im deleting

I'm just SO angry at everyone around me!! I'm angry with my Aunty who lost her father to lung cancer constantly talking about her father and how it's no different from our situation, hell she even had the cheek to say "my poor 9 year old daughter has lost her Granddad", when my 8 year old brother has lost his DAD. I'm angry cuz it's some Indian festival as well as bonfire night and I see people in the shops buying fireworks all happy, people my dads age walking around LIVING and I'm jealous!! I see my cousins who have their dad's and are able to celebrate and do things as a family even though they say "we're always thinking about you" yeah sure you are u can forget u can laugh it's ok for you. Why did we deserve this? My dad did everything for EVERYONE when my auntys dad had lung cancer he made sure we went round every weekend rang her all the time and we don't get that support from ANYONE. I know 50's not young compared to children who have been taken away but I see soo many older men walking around why couldn't he stay just for a few years more? Even better why couldn't we know those were gonna be the last times we would have with him?? Makes me hate everyone around me!!!

Hi, we had a memorial bench put in the park for my dad and everyone came to the park and we had a big picnic and all the children played games, it was sombre but nice, i didnt enjoy it because i felt like he shouldve been there but other people thought it was good cuz it was what he enjoyed-having fun, being around people. And the kids enjoyed it, it was a good atmosphere for my 8 year old brother to be in, rather than everyone crying (which is what we did on his birthday)

Thank you both Some days are so so hard, what's the point of a life without him? I cant imagine it, I dont want to, nothings complete without him. Why did this happen to us? So suddenly and so harshly no last goodbyes no chance to give him a hug or tell him I loved him I never thought in a million years this would ever happen to me and now it has I dont want to believe it and I dont want to just carry on and take the memories cuz there shouldve been many more, my younger brother was only 7, why should such a small child go through so much pain? How do we know where they go? People talk about "a better place" but its not certain so how can we cling onto the thought that we will see them again when we dont know that we will and why does this only happen to some people and not others

I find that watching TV makes me forget and just get away, it also makes me feel so much better after, usually programmes my Dad used to watch, or depressing programmes where people die etc its weird but it makes me feel less alone and more hopeful that if other people can get through it so can I. Music is a definite aswell, just some songs can make you feel so happy and take you to another place

So glad to see that i'm not abnormal, I'm also so shocked and angry at peoples' behaviour. They seem to be so self centred and maybe its cuz im only 21 everyone else my age is so shallow and NOT understanding, my friend the other day got annoyed at me for not being at her birthday party, which also happened with my supposed best friend just a few months after my dad suddenly passed away. It makes me SO mad and I don't feel like I should be the one to make an effort and say anything because people should understand that I'm not really in a mood to party. I don't know if its pushing people away by not talking to them but I feel like I try and try and they throw it back in my face so what's the point, everyone at the end of the day is so involved in themselves they can't think about other peoples feelings, I'd like to think if it was me I would be a bit more understanding than EVERYONE in my life has been but I suppose you never know unless you're in that situation.

Hey, I've recently lost my Dad very suddenly and I know what you mean about being angry. My mum is only 46 and she has lost her husband and feels like nobody is being supportive. When she speaks to family they say the same things I wish we could help, and she was angry because they never call and are all just getting on with their own lives yet constantly mention about how the loss of my dad has also affected them and they miss him as much as we do (which is stupid because he was more important in our lives). Anyway in the end my mum got really angry and snapped at them saying that its no use saying anything all they have to do is ring and although they were annoyed at first she feels as though they have been ringing more, it was a big deal for her to say that because she lost her faith in everyone and we've realised however much people say things they are pretty selfish in the end. But my advise would be to say something, just mention how you feel nobody ever rings therefore it makes you feel very alone, I don't think its alienating if you say it in a nice way, hopefully eventually they'll see what you mean?

I know what you mean, just yesterday I was talking about something and my Mum asked me a question and it really upset me because she doesn't know anything about me it was always me and my Dad, def feel incomplete and like I dont have anyone to talk to and turn to anymore xxx

It's good u guys try to carry on I just get angry when people mention Christmas and snap at them like I don't have anything to celebrate so why would I. But my little brother is only 8 and he get's really excited so will probably do something for him

So sorry for ur losses, yeah I think everyone on here agrees you dont have to 'get over it' no matter how much other people think you should, and about the mixed feelings its so normal everything in your life has changed theres no way ur gonna get over it and be fine

Yeah thats exactly true, about how time doesnt bring them back so why does it make it easier it's harder because then you have to accept they're not coming back, where as now it still hasnt sunk in. And I know what you mean about doing little things, I don't particularly count months or think oh today its been 8 months or whatever but when you do small things you used to do with him or what you know he would like doing its worse. The worst thing is how much he enjoyed life and appreciated it and theres people out there who dont but are still living. And what you're sayin about being grateful for having your mum and dad so true again theres people who arent who complain and they still have them its just unfair!!