hello123

This is EXACTLY how I felt! Over Christmas my mums family went off on holiday and it was our first christmas without our dad and we usually spend it there but obv we werent celebrating and i was SO angry at them going away and I know it upset my mum but as you said life carries on as normal for eveyone else, I thought it was so insensitive as well and we were jealous my mum wanted to plan a trip to florida and my dad had just started a new job and we were going to all go. At Valentines as well my uncle and aunty went away for a weekend and you can't stop people from doing this it was just at christmas I thought it was so rude of them as though it didnt even affect them!!!!

That makes me feel better! I feel like a horrible person/weirdo everyone else thinks I am but yeah watching other things makes me feel grateful and yeah like we're not the only ones!!

Hello Lowriann, I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the website!

I like watching films maybe tv but something depressing where bad things happen and people die etc...makes me feel less alone and just more content cuz i know it happens a lot

That chinese lantern thing is such a good idea, I hope you get to do it! And I know exactly what you mean about the shopping for them it's weird when you see stuff you know you could get them! At christmas I saw a monty python mug that sings that song "Always look on the bright side of life" and that was my dads fave song I knew he wouldve loved the mug so I bought it anyway and kept it in the cupboard, but on his birthday I didnt get anything. Hope tomorrow is not too painful xxx

Thank you so much for your replies. Niamh thanks so much for your reply and understanding. Yeah I wish there were support groups here! 2sweetgirls thank you and your so right about having few good friends but even the people I thought who were the few true friends aren't really. Im so sorry for your loss as well 40 is still too young to have lost both parents I was speaking to a 65 yr old woman yesterday who still has her parents and her ex hisband who died at 67 his mother is still alive and I was just so shocked and couldn't believe it! thank you guys

Nicholas: only just saw your reply, yeah it's true. I suppose people can't not talk about people just because we don't have them. Its just sometimes a little sensitivity wouldnt hurt. Chai: Thanks for your reply, it's true what you say they must be afraid, I don't think I'm open, I realised people don't like listening so I don't talk to people about it but I try and be normal and happy and I guess they assume you are so carry on. It is similar a few have had family problems but I never minimise what theyre going through I always say if you wanna talk I'm here but maybe they feel awkward talking about it? But then they say stuff like this is the worst thing thats happening etc (about things like parents splitting up) and it just shocks me. It's my one friend who has decided to turn on me recently, her parents have been split up for a while now, she was so supportive after my dad telling me not to worry that my true friends will be here for me. But now even her has just turned on me I've tried talking to her telling her I don't wanna drift apart but she for some reason has decided to turn on me and is just really nasty its worse because I have to live with her till Uni finishes and it makes me so angry!!!

Thank you that was a really nice quote

Again, I know there are probably loads of posts on this but it's my Dads birthday today, would be 52. Last year it was so soon after it was just a blur but I got balloons and cake and family were here. This year we are alone, no family have rang or contacted, we went to visit the memorial bench but it was so busy because its a sunny day and everyones at the park. It's the worst day everyone else is celebrating the sun, we always went to that park together but it's not even nice going back because families are together and laughing. Theres nowhere to cry and remember him properly, theres no family around and it hasn't even been long? I can't help thinking how different it would've been if he was still here...

I'm so sorry for your losses, I was drawn to this because my mum is left alone and my brothers were 7 and 15 when my dad died and I 20. He was the one who picked us up from places and she always says she doesn't like us going anywhere alone because she feels solely responsible for our welfare. I am21 now and want to go out with my friends like other people do but I feel bad for my Mum and I feel sad when I know my Dad would be able to pick me up and drop me places. My younger brother is 8 now but he is really brave I think they understand quite a lot but he feels awkward when we get sad, but he does talk about our Dad and says "Dad used to take me swimming". Also about the counselling thing I had a REALLY bad experience when I first went then went to a different one and it is so much better! We meant to start family counselling but never did.. I dont know what helps? Just to let you know you're not alone!

I keep having really weird dreams, like I am in my situation and my dad has died but in my dreams I react so much differently, I can't cope its unbearable and stuff happens where I realise it again but it feels awful, when I wake up I do have that sinking feeling where it wasnt a dream its true but I can cope better when Im awake and I always wonder why I don't react like I do in my dream?

Thank you so much for that link Marty never heard of them before! I wish they did something like that in the U.K it looks ideal

Thanks. You say that backfired but I dont know what works then. I tried at the beginning being open and sharing realised people didnt care as much as Id hoped so then have been doing what you say, going away and forgetting about it and not sharing but this has made people turn on me. I suppose theres nothing I can do. You've been through so much it's weird seeing how it was so long ago for you I keep thinking "that won't be me" in 10/20 years time talking about this in the past tense but I guess it will. Its the worst age because all my friends and people arounds me parents are around doing what my dad used to do, I hear people say "My dad rings me all the time" or "My dad just put money in my bank account" and I don't know how you did it or got through it because I want it to happen to everyone so it's not in my face all the time, and it would make it a little less unfair.

I dont know if its because they are adolescent girls so quite bitchy but I dont understand! Its difficult for them to understand because their major stresses are dissertation deadlines etc but I have tried so hard to be understanding and it's not ALL my friends just a few that I considered really close friends, one of my friends was there for me in the first few months and told me not to be down because I have been losing friends and that it'll figure itself out and now months after living with her she has developed a problem with me for NO reason (not being biased there isnt one at all) and now she's just being really nasty and bitchy to me! I speak to my counsellor she thinks its because I havent been paying her attention about her problems but I have tried and told her if she wants to talk she can, I guess she doesnt feel comfortable talking to me about stuff so has pushed me away but its upsetting because it has made my final year away at University so much harder and more stressful! People did rally around at first and tried to help and now as months have passed its the opposite people are being nasty to me, I've tried as best as I can just going to try and forget about it now its just difficult when it happens more than once and you think what am I doing wrong for this to keep happening?

Cali3, I'm so sorry for your loss! I had to comment because when I read what you guys write it's stuff I always say but nobody understands. First you said about the difference between old people dying and that's how I feel everybody who loses a parent is usually old and you feel sorry for them but I envy them more cuz they had extra time, Eddie I'm so sorry for your nephew its such a young age, my brothers 7 and having one parent at that age is just so unfair. Also about the upcoming events not looking forward to anything, I'm supposed to be graduating this year but I don't want to go and see everyone there having a happy day with their parents when I know it'll be sad for us and the person who would be most excited by it would be my dad! AND when you say about how everyone sits around and you want everyone to cry I second that!!! When it was one year a little while ago my family came over and were laughing/joking acting like it was a normal day but I just wanted everyone to watch videos of him and cry together we never do that and I hate it!!!!!!!!! When I cried the other day my mum was like "whats wrong"!!! I'm so glad that you have the afterlife thing, thats such a big comfort, some days I believe it some days I feel like I cant without proof, I have had dreams of my dad and sometimes it makes me think. I wish more than anything that it is true and have also been researching into it and sometimes come across things which are really comforting.

I just don't understand I seem to have fallen out with all my close friends, for one reason or another, I don't think it's my fault in the situations I can't see what I've done wrong, yet here I am with no friends, people I've known for years shared so much with and now nothing. I just don't understand it happened so much straight after my dad, but now a year on it's still happening and slowly I have nobody and I wouldn't mind if I was older but Im at university and everyone is there people my age have close friends yet the people I used to have don't want anything to do with me/have upset me so much I don't want anything to do with them? I don't understand when thhis will stop..or why I even care because I know its not important its just another thing that makes me hate people and just want to be away from everyone

HannahB, Im so sorry for your loss, it's so young and just unfair. One thing I understand though is when you said about not having lost anyone before, my dad died really suddenly and both his parents are still alive both my mums parents too I've never experienced death before and the first time has been with my closest person I never thought it would be. I also know what you mean about the dreams I keep having dreams where he's alive or where I know he's dead but I can still hear him and see him. And as for speaking in past tense I dont like doing that either I always say it like hes still here. Its so difficult and unfair if you ever want to talk im here xxxx

Hi Windwalker, Is there nobody at work who has been through the same thing? My mums only 46 and lost her husband she hates going into work because her boss is not understanding and everyone expects her to carry on, she said people have pointed out "the other widow" to her but she doesnt talk to her but she has one good friend at work who helps her out and people have been saying stuff about her and her friend told them off. But yeah maybe you should try and find out about other people in the same position as you?

Hey Im sorry to hear this and its selfish of me to put my own story but I have to agree with the NHS and uselessness, my dad had a torn achilles heel its so common, I remember David Beckham having one and the hospital put him in a cast no mention of anything else just normal no dangers or anything, and we found out it may have been that the cast was put on too tight, either way there could have been a prevention it makes me so angry, because my brother hurt his ankle a few months after and I specifically asked the nurse what are the dangers of DVT and she smirked when I knew it had happened even though he was given no warning of anything of this kind just makes me so angry especially because I know that doctor doesnt feel bad he's just carrying on like normal

the frustrating thig is not knowing who to direct the anger at, I usually try god but it's difficult when its not an actual person

Sorry she's being like that, only thing I can think of is thats how she's dealing with it? Have you tried talking to her about it? It's different for me my brothers much younger but he's really nasty to me and when I'm home he always says nasty things to me to upset me which triggers all my other emotions because I know my dad would've told him off but now there's nobody to stick up for me. But I mean when I complain to people they say "its just him dealing with it" which is probably the same with your sister, maybe she doesnt want to be around you because it reminds her? My advice would be to talk to her and tell her its upsetting you! It didnt work with me because hes a 16 year old but hopefully because she's older and more mature she will be able to see that she can stop causing you extra grief!

I'm so sorry for how you're being treated princesspeanut. For me I've found that people including family can be so different to how you would expect them to be. My family have been so selfish, I'm away at University so my mum is left with a lot to do at home with my brothers, family always say they will help her out but never do, my cousins I havent heard anything from them no "how are you" yet I see on their facebooks "RIP uncle etc" it makes me so angry how dare they, its just attention seeking they obviously dont care because they have NEVER asked me or my brother how we are. My aunty who's dad passed away doesnt even acknowledge our loss just constantly talks about hers and how her 8 year old daughter is gonna live without a grandad, even though my brother who's only 7 has to live without a dad. Personally I've found people to be a massive let down, I'm sorry you're making such an effort with your stepmom and she's not reciprocating, what worked best for my mum was she had a rant at the family and she felt like they were being a bit better after, it didnt last but worked at the time. So maybe you could talk to her and tell her that you're making such an effort and iit's upsetting you the way she's being cold? Anyway just to let you know you're not the only one to find this reaction from people! Doesn't mean its acceptable though! sorry!

Hi Loulou, Im so sorry for how you;re feeling and esp how people are acting towards you and saying stuff but thats what everyones liek only want to be around you if youre fun to be around it sucks but just means that these phases of sadness will come and go all the time I think, I get them too but just tend to avoid being around people when I'm feeling down and just want to cry but when you want cheering up yeah keeping busy and doing stuff will be a good distraction but if you just wanna be sad do that too! Maybe its being aggravated by having had a baby? post natal depression or something, I hope you feel a bit better soon

Carol Ann, I'm also glad you feel better, but it's completely normal don't force yourself to be in a good mood you can't always carry on of course we know the world doesn't stop moving, but having a brain pause day doing nothing just feeling down isn;t hurting anyone and if thats what you need to do then so be it!

Thanks for your reply Rachel and believe me I have tried!! But some people are just so stubborn that they truly believe what they are going through tops anyone elses problems! I'm in disbelief I tried being nice but firm I said "I do feel sorry for you and I did so much before but now in a way I envy you" and she said "I dont want your sympathy you've been a class A B**** to me, giref has made you into this" Even though I most definitely haven't maybe to other people but def not to her!! (AND what gives her the right to say grief has done this) But I'm trying SO hard to laugh it off because if I cant do that I will go mad!!! No matter how many times people say " oh they will know when it happens to them" they just won't her mums already in her mid-60s shes had a cancer scare so I'm sure know they are appreciating every moment with her where as I never had that! It's just HORRIBLE and people are as well!!!!