hello123

Yes after time less and less, I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum the tears wont come anymore!

Niamh, I SO get what you mean, it hasn't even been a year yet but I miss the months straight after, also because people seemed to be more understanding then and now it's like everythings moved on and back to normal and theres a new future without them, even though during that time it was so fresh that you couldnt even imagine a future without them

That was so beautiful! thank you

I'm so sorry for your loss, I know I felt the same but when you come on here and read peoples posts it's like there are people who understand. And don't feel selfish at all because it's such a horrible thing to happen you have the right to emphasise how you feel just one thing I've learned is not to expect others' to understand or change, even if they are friends, because nobody can/will./does and it just ends up upsetting you rather than them!!

Thank you so much for your reply Bron-J, I have two younger brothers one was 7 and the other was 15 (he's 16 now but it hasn't even been a year weird). It must be difficult for you because the date is close. I know what you mean about just choosing to forgive friends and just accept that they can't understand but it is definitely frustrating when you know you wouldn't do the same in the situation. We don't cry together as a family either, it's like everyone's scared of upsetting the others. How did your mum cope? I don't really know how I can help mine. Yeah like you said what can you do, it's happened to us and it's the worst thing and difficult to understand but it just goes to show contrary to what some people say everything DOESN'T happen for a reason thankss

Thats the same thing, no contact whatsoever but do know the problem he couldnt handle it Def agree with the non-relationship material but its not fair why do WE have to be the scapegoats that put all our trust into somebody but then when it's too late learn that theyre not right and end up hurting ourselves and being messed up and they walk away unscathed.

Sorry I hadn't seen the last post but yeah the worst is when you're independent and don't easily trust but then you finally do and they break it nd ruin you. It's a horrible feeling and its not fair, I don't think they do it on purpose and it would probably freak them out (because I would be freaked out if I knew how much power I had over someone) to know that they can be responsible for our sad moods and everything, but time does make it better, 5 months isnt enough it eventually will and you will find someone better just try not to be sad and keep busy!

Hey KayC just read this now, I'm really sorry and like others said know that people do care and it IS a big deal and I totally get what you mean about still feeling the human pain even though you don't want to. I also agree and would have to say that you had a lucky escape I know it doesn't feel like that but the fact that he has done this just shows that he isn't the man you thought he was at all! Hope you're ok!!

Especially when some other people have it all!!

Def get you with the zoning out with TV urgh its so annoying yeah just want a good cry like before but not coming!! hopefully will do again!

Hey Niamh, know EXACTLY what you mean, like he was the only one considerate enough always thinking of others and now nobody else seems to be, its so awful and feels unfair because they were such nice people and you can find small faults with everyone but you think he actually didnt have them, not that anyone deserves this but some people do more than others and our dads were like the least deserving always made the atmosphere better, but just goes to show the statement "everything happens for a reason" isnt true and stuff happens you cant explain and is unfair but we cant change it xxxx

This is the only place when I can vent about him! He's someone I dont even know anymore, been focusing on my family recently but have found out he's seeing someone else who's so different to me it's shocking how you think you know someone and you never really do! Guess I was naive and stupid not gonna make that mistake again its so painful though I hate how people can do this to you and get away with it

I feel so helpless and sick and I know what will help is to think about what has happened and cry but I can't do it. I watched a film and it was horrible what happens to people in some countries and I can cry at that but I can't cry at my situation anymore, I feel like I know he's gone but at the same time that he's still gonna come back that's why I cant cry! I hate it I really need to it's the only thing that will help but I don't know how!

Hi Nicholas, I am very sorry for your loss, my dad died suddenly at only 50, both his parents are living and are Hindu so they also believe in the next life concept and that everyone comes here alone so to avoid suffering you have to remain unattached but for me I can see although they say this on the outside my grandad goes to the toilet and cries and hides it so what's the point? Personally I was quite spiritual and believed in God but since this has happened my grandparents concept is people suffer due to karmas they have committed and for me I have seen alot of bad people and my grandparents who have been so spiritual and good kind people and now they are suffering I dont see how the karma thing works really. And as for the attachment thing it makes me angry to think of because why not live life to the fullest and be attached and give all your love to your family and make the most of it because you don't know if you will see them again. It's good to find comfort if you can truly believe in the non-attachment thing etc but it's much easier said than done and you can't mask your feelings behind them so don't do what you think you have to do and what you think is right but focus on how you feel and good luck to you

I just watched this film called Rabbit Hole about a couple who have lost their 4year old son and she's in the supermarket and this woman asks are you a mom and then says no i didnt think so which upsets the woman so she slaps her and when someone else tries to explain to the other woman sorry but shes just lost her son the woman says "I dont care". This is so reflective of people when a woman rang from the bank trying to sell me life insurance a few months after my dad she was so rude even after I explained I was young (didnt need it) and a student (couldnt afford it) and when I apologised for seeming rude and said its because my dad has just died she said "I dont care thats no excuse". It makes me SO angry everyone around me, I thought the anger went but I was reminded of the insensitivity of people which makes me angry, people say oh dont worry this will happen to them one day and then they'll feel bad for the way they treated you but no it won't happen to them because when their dads die they will be old and it will be expected, my really good friend was really supportive after the first few months and now has been so rude to me because I wouldnt go to her birthday party, I cant even explain how angry this makes me I hate her I want her dad to die but oh she wont even care that much because she doesnt like him and she was telling me how he does stuff to seek attention like pretend hes dying WHAT THE HELL people like THAT should die and people who are rude and insensitive should experience grief. I know the anger will pass maybe after a goodnights sleep but when its here I dunno what to do grit my teeth punch something but it just gives me a headache.

Thank you Kay! Therein lies the problem, I choose to think about it because although it hurts doesn't hurt nearly as much as the thought of the fact that I have lost my father permanently, thats the worst bit, it makes me sad to think about that so I prefer to think about how hes treating me and about it because it makes me angry and not nearly as helpless and sick to think of everything else! And because I know I'll forget about it where as this it'll stay forever, it's the only distraction I have that works so its my own fault! Sorry for going on, for you I dont know all I can say it that you seem strong as well and I've learnt that if you dont expect anything off anyone you won't be disappointed, and it sounds so bleak and depressing and nicer to say that you will find someone again and it will be perfect but us people who have experienced a death especially when they're young we know that bad things happen and ruin your life for no reason. My mums only 46 and shes lost her partner of 23 years and shes not the type to start relationships and I know shes gonna be alone for the rest of her life now, but as long as you believe (dunno if i do yet) that they are watching over and that you will see them again (want to believe this but dont) and learn to depend on yourself,not in a lonely spinster way but learn to be happy and content alone, then everything can be ok xxx

Just to let you guys know theres a website called www.gonetoosoon.org and its like a facebook for people who have died, its pretty nice you can open an account (online memorial) and write on their "wall" and light virtual candles

Lynette im so so sorry for your losses, my dad died a few months ago and although i posted about seeing his face that was only the once and the majority of times I had a dream it would be like he was a robot, weird like it was him but wasnt really him I cant explain it. I could see him but not really make out his face and he wouldnt be alive in my dream

Yeah alot of people have said that, I just dont think I would do that if roles were reversed, and he always said to me how much worse my situaion was and sometimes i feel so so sorry for him because he didnt have his family around him like i do and thats one of the main reasons i kept going back i wanted to be there for him like nobody else (so he says) ever was. But I know my family need me more so need to stop wasting time, and as for you im really sorry all I can say is the cliched advice that maybe keep ur distance until your feelings arent as strong then it will e easier to be friends? But I know it doesnt always work like that so just take care/look after yourself first!! And thank you!!

Nobody in my immediate family has dreamt about my dad, but one day i was feeling really low i was away from home and just wanted to die I felt like i couldnt handle it and that night I saw my dad and in my dream he was a spirit he wasnt really there but I could see his face close-up and he had tears in his eyes and I knew he missed us and the next day was really good because I had such a strong image of his face in my head for the whole day

Thank you so much!! That does help!!

Sorry, forgot to say thank you!!

I like to think my angers got less I have been more understanding and less sensitive but it makes me SO mad when people ALWAYS go on about christmas, fair enough they cant seem to understand that it is a hard time but all these friends are like are you excited for christmas, when im like not really they ask why, am I expecting too much I mean fair enough they dont get that it is a difficult time but to actually go and ask why i'm not looking forward to it (infact dreading it) just really irritates me!!!! Not only that but when people go on about what to get their dads for christmas I really dont get how people are so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just figured out what this forum meant, my dad passed away really suddenly a few months ago i'm living my worst nightmare never thought anything like this could happen, however i was with my bf at the time and my first love, and he let me down so badly, his dad had died when he was younger and I thought he would be there for me, he couldnt hack it (fair enough) but they way he did it was so harsh, he ignored me for months, and the worst thing was I needed to concentrate on my family, on trying to accept what had happened to me but he was also always in my thoughts, and I felt so guilty and now its been a bit longer and STILL I cant get over it, I found out after we broke up he had been lying about his age all that time, such a big lie all that trust it still didnt put me off him, I dont know what it is hes the opposite of the kind of boyfriend i want the opposite of my dad, hes not generous he doesnt think of me or look after me (hes not a bad person at all). But anyway its killing me, I actually sobbed over him the other day and it makes me feel so guilty to cry over something else apart from my dad, i hate it but i cant help it its been so long why did he hurt me like this when Im already suffering unimaginable pain and why cant i just forget and get over it and concentrate on what's important!!!!!!!!

Starby, Do you watch eastenders? When Billie died it was exactly the same as my dad and I was hysterical and down for days thinking about it!! And when I see how people treat Carol I always feel so connected like people do that to me!! And it makes me angry, even though its just a programme! I know that's not really related because its actually about death sorry! But it makes sense that you would be hyper-sensitive, although at the beginning I think I was the opposite and it made me angry when people made a big fuss about something ending (such as leaving a programme) because I would think thats not even a big deal hes not even REALLY dead! But now I get what you mean, its a trigger even though its something trivial it represents the ending of so many things